The Blackbird is Flown
A short rhymed poem41 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
You are having a rhyming approximation game with us here I feel. Years/fers and dears being the only absolutely full rhymes in this. The remaining eight lines are a delicious mixture of assonance and consonance that result in the whole piece bing united. A clever thing and most enjoyable to read.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
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You are having a rhyming approximation game with us here I feel. Years/fers and dears being the only absolutely full rhymes in this. The remaining eight lines are a delicious mixture of assonance and consonance that result in the whole piece bing united. A clever thing and most enjoyable to read.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
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Thanks, Jim. I'm experimenting more and more with approximate rhyme. It enables one to express thoughts with greater accuracy at times. I do get quite a few comments, though, from the diehards here!
Comment from jppoet
Though a rather sad and somber narration, it has about it a haunting mood and imagery. The adorable photo lends some contrapuntal
affinity to your good poem. john
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
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Though a rather sad and somber narration, it has about it a haunting mood and imagery. The adorable photo lends some contrapuntal
affinity to your good poem. john
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
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Thanks, John. I appreciate your comments. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
This is a lovely poem, short, sweet but so sad. A poem about the toll that time takes from us. But do the heartstrings grow cold? In the end yes! LOL. 'and the jumble of fears' - I would agree with that. Unusual poem. Gorgeous picture to accompany a very moving poem. Lovely - Dorothy
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
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This is a lovely poem, short, sweet but so sad. A poem about the toll that time takes from us. But do the heartstrings grow cold? In the end yes! LOL. 'and the jumble of fears' - I would agree with that. Unusual poem. Gorgeous picture to accompany a very moving poem. Lovely - Dorothy
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
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Thanks, Dorothy. I appreciate your comments. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from CD Richards
Although I don't think of myself as "old" (often), I do qualify as a senior citizen. So I appreciate the sentiments here. In my mind I can still do things that have long been beyond my capacity (like hearing above certain frequencies - thank you "The Who"!)
I find myself asking "Is it the blackbird and hearing you are saying farewell to, or those who, one day, you may no longer recognise? Or someone/something else?
A poem tinged with sadness, but beautifully written. Wish I had a six to give it.
Craig
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
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Although I don't think of myself as "old" (often), I do qualify as a senior citizen. So I appreciate the sentiments here. In my mind I can still do things that have long been beyond my capacity (like hearing above certain frequencies - thank you "The Who"!)
I find myself asking "Is it the blackbird and hearing you are saying farewell to, or those who, one day, you may no longer recognise? Or someone/something else?
A poem tinged with sadness, but beautifully written. Wish I had a six to give it.
Craig
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
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Thanks, Craig. I appreciate your comments. Not really the blackbird or the hearing itself, but more the resultant loss of social contact with those we love. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from kiwisteveh
Hi, Tony. Haven't seen anything from you for a while...
This is a fascinating piece. I am drawn to the plural of the last word... The two things mentioned that have gone are the blackbird and your hearing, a strange pairing to be referred to as 'my dears'. maybe we are meant to dig a little deeper - a lost love perhaps or the passing of the years. Ageing is certainly central to the middle of the poem with the temporal lobe atrophying.
But perhaps it is just a general farewell, which reminds me of the Interesting Literature link this morning. You might like to take a look:
https://interestingliterature.com/2018/02/07/10-of-the-best-poems-of-farewell/
Interesting too that you call this a rhymed poem. Apart from the trio of fears/years/dears, none of the other rhymes are quite perfect, adding to the sad tone of the piece.
Despite not quite knowing your intention, I like it!
Steve
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
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Hi, Tony. Haven't seen anything from you for a while...
This is a fascinating piece. I am drawn to the plural of the last word... The two things mentioned that have gone are the blackbird and your hearing, a strange pairing to be referred to as 'my dears'. maybe we are meant to dig a little deeper - a lost love perhaps or the passing of the years. Ageing is certainly central to the middle of the poem with the temporal lobe atrophying.
But perhaps it is just a general farewell, which reminds me of the Interesting Literature link this morning. You might like to take a look:
https://interestingliterature.com/2018/02/07/10-of-the-best-poems-of-farewell/
Interesting too that you call this a rhymed poem. Apart from the trio of fears/years/dears, none of the other rhymes are quite perfect, adding to the sad tone of the piece.
Despite not quite knowing your intention, I like it!
Steve
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
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Many thanks for your review, Steve, and for the six stars. Appreciated! I hadn't really intended the 'my dears' to refer back to the birdsong and hearing loss - more to the gradual isolation from friends and family with the onset of deafness. Thanks, too, for the link. Some great poems included there including several I'd not come across before. I particularly enjoyed Philip Larkin's attempt to say goodbye to "a life / Reprehensibly perfect"!
Best wishes, Tony
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I didn't know much about Larkin until recently. I was particularly struck by his "Aubade" which also popped up on the Interesting Literature feed a while ago. I used it as a model for one of my recent poems, "Before the Dawn" which I thought was pretty darn good. Alas, the committee did not agree...
Comment from Trudi Perkins
This is a very pretty poem you've written and an awesome picture you chose to post with this. I really enjoyed this poem very much Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
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This is a very pretty poem you've written and an awesome picture you chose to post with this. I really enjoyed this poem very much Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
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Thanks, Trudi. I appreciate your comments. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from apky
I love the artwork, although I couldn't tell you which bird that is.
The poem is a little melancholy, but it describes a state and a
place we're all heading to. What we shall mis is what we know
and have experienced. The unknown is always a bit scary.
But maybe it is a serene and peaceful place - nobody ever came
back to let us know, and we've learnt to use it to spiritually
scare us or commercially make us hoard insurances!
Thanks for sharing this. I enjoyed the read.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
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I love the artwork, although I couldn't tell you which bird that is.
The poem is a little melancholy, but it describes a state and a
place we're all heading to. What we shall mis is what we know
and have experienced. The unknown is always a bit scary.
But maybe it is a serene and peaceful place - nobody ever came
back to let us know, and we've learnt to use it to spiritually
scare us or commercially make us hoard insurances!
Thanks for sharing this. I enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
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Thanks, apky. As you say, we'll just have to wait and see!
Comment from lyenochka
Such a very sad one. At least, that's how it seems to me. A blackbird must have some significance - like the foreboding of the end of life? But the red-wing blackbirds here have quite the song and I can imagine its song lasting in my brain. Interesting rhymes.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
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Such a very sad one. At least, that's how it seems to me. A blackbird must have some significance - like the foreboding of the end of life? But the red-wing blackbirds here have quite the song and I can imagine its song lasting in my brain. Interesting rhymes.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
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Thanks, Helen. I appreciate your comments. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
We once has black birds nesting in my grand daughters 'Wendy house', we tried not to disturb them but alas the female bird disappeared leaving the eggs unhatched. The females are brown you know, when they disappear, the temperature will drop, and this is when you miss them, your poem reminded me of last summer, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
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We once has black birds nesting in my grand daughters 'Wendy house', we tried not to disturb them but alas the female bird disappeared leaving the eggs unhatched. The females are brown you know, when they disappear, the temperature will drop, and this is when you miss them, your poem reminded me of last summer, love Dolly x
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
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Yes, it's a shame when birds' nest in places where they are almost bound to be disturbed. We had a pair of wagtails nesting in the front porch of the B&B cottage a couple of years ago. They didn't last there for long.
Comment from frierajac
This is a robin's nest I guess. I know that I found one once almost 50 years back.
It is nearly always sad the journey you speak of here Old people are like the leaves of
a tree in autumn, a few moments of lovelyness that flutter downwards. So I've been told.
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reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
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This is a robin's nest I guess. I know that I found one once almost 50 years back.
It is nearly always sad the journey you speak of here Old people are like the leaves of
a tree in autumn, a few moments of lovelyness that flutter downwards. So I've been told.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
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You're probably right about that being a robin's nest. Careless of me! The blackbird's egg is slightly speckled and a bit paler. I've changed the picture now! Anyway, glad you caught the general drift f the poem! Tony
