Shooting Marbles on the Astral Plane
Recalling a strange occurance13 total reviews
Comment from Joy Graham
Hello Henry,
This is an interesting story. I've never heard of ptomaine before. I'll have to google it and read up about it. Sounds like an awful experience. I'm glad you survived. Best wishes to you in this contest.
Joy xx
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
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Hello Henry,
This is an interesting story. I've never heard of ptomaine before. I'll have to google it and read up about it. Sounds like an awful experience. I'm glad you survived. Best wishes to you in this contest.
Joy xx
Comment Written 21-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
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Joy, thank you very much for reviewing my short story. Ptomaine causing serious food poisoning. In the day that happened to my family and I, I believe they still used lead to seal and solder cans. The acid in the sauce for the beans made a hole in the can, and spoiled the beans.
Comment from David JK Carr
Good job. I wondered where this was going as it seemed non-sequential but the truth is disclosed at the end. I hope everyone recovered fully. It does remind us that death is ever-present. I liked this.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
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Good job. I wondered where this was going as it seemed non-sequential but the truth is disclosed at the end. I hope everyone recovered fully. It does remind us that death is ever-present. I liked this.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
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Thank you for reviewing my short story David. I appreciate your comments and rating. It was a normal day in my life until the poison in the beans did its deed. Everyone recovered. I seemed to be the most serious.
Comment from Hugh McDowell
Excellent work. I love how the story goes from a description of every day life into the intensity of a life and death situation. The pacing and sequencing of the story are great. Awesome symbolism of a dark end of the hall and a brightly lit one. Very good pacing. The story just pulled me in and along.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
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Excellent work. I love how the story goes from a description of every day life into the intensity of a life and death situation. The pacing and sequencing of the story are great. Awesome symbolism of a dark end of the hall and a brightly lit one. Very good pacing. The story just pulled me in and along.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
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Thank you very much Hugh for taking the time to review my little tale. I appreciate your comments and stars.
Comment from meeshu
this is a well written story, Henry. written in a very tentative fashion, that of a ten year old, perhaps. it is quite effective. well done...........meeshu
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
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this is a well written story, Henry. written in a very tentative fashion, that of a ten year old, perhaps. it is quite effective. well done...........meeshu
Comment Written 21-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
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meeshu, thank you very much for the review. I have been trying to write the appropriate ages to fit my stories, so thank you for seeing that. I was nine or ten when it happened.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
What a relief that you pulled through. Your parents must have been worried sick. Canned foods were not as safe back then as they are now. You were lucky. Thanks for sharing. :)
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
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What a relief that you pulled through. Your parents must have been worried sick. Canned foods were not as safe back then as they are now. You were lucky. Thanks for sharing. :)
Comment Written 20-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
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Phyllis, thank you for taking the time to review my little tale. I am not sure, but I believe at the time, lead was used to seal the cans. The acid in the bean sauce worked on the lead weld.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
One of those visions to reality experiences....seem to always be magnified as a child and in our childhood memories. But, wow! Yours is certainly scary! Well done.
Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018
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One of those visions to reality experiences....seem to always be magnified as a child and in our childhood memories. But, wow! Yours is certainly scary! Well done.
Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 18-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018
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Thank you very much for your comments and stars. They are appreciated.
Comment from JDRBAR
Upon waking my mom, realizing something very bad was happening, called the doctor.
Who called the doctor? You? Or, your mom?
I think your story would be more complete if you told whether or not your mother survived the ptomaine poisoning.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2018
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Upon waking my mom, realizing something very bad was happening, called the doctor.
Who called the doctor? You? Or, your mom?
I think your story would be more complete if you told whether or not your mother survived the ptomaine poisoning.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2018
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Thank you for your response. Your confusion in reading what I wrote will help me in future writing. Some complain about too many commas, when they are deleted, confusion. When sentences are shortened, some complain about repeating words. So I learn.
When my mother was awakened, she realized something was wrong and called the doctor. My sisters, my mother and I were poisoned. I was the most critical. My two sisters, still living, barely recall the incident. The youngest, the one who woke my mother, remembers only that, waking mom. Ergo, the story about shooting marbles in that different hallway. Was I near death, I do not know. I am here writing seventy some odd years later.
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Henry...Your reply to me is the way you should have written your story. It's clearer, less confusing, grammatically better, and sounds more natural. It is also much more informative.
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Thank you
Comment from Zue65
Kids usually have that strange ability to feel things when something out of the usual, occur in the family. Children are gifted by God with visions because they are pure and innocent. Thanks for sharing this work.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Kids usually have that strange ability to feel things when something out of the usual, occur in the family. Children are gifted by God with visions because they are pure and innocent. Thanks for sharing this work.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Thank you very much for your inspiring words and support.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the True Story writing prompt.
Your story of your family getting food poisoning is well told and clear.
God luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the True Story writing prompt.
Your story of your family getting food poisoning is well told and clear.
God luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Thank you for your kind words and stars.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
They do say that our subconscious or sleeping minds sort out things in reality, or some belief have a window into other plains.
good, well-written piece.
about three-eights of an inch in diameter - eighths?
GMG
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Hi there,
They do say that our subconscious or sleeping minds sort out things in reality, or some belief have a window into other plains.
good, well-written piece.
about three-eights of an inch in diameter - eighths?
GMG
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Thank you very much. No wonder, I can't get my tongue in the right position to pronounce it or even spell it correctly.
