About my mother
John's story10 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Yikes! Some children do have some deep seated resentment for parents who put their work or charity passions above their kids. But usually there's just lost relationships. Murder is quite extreme but it does give a surprise ending in this 50 word drama!
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
  |
Yikes! Some children do have some deep seated resentment for parents who put their work or charity passions above their kids. But usually there's just lost relationships. Murder is quite extreme but it does give a surprise ending in this 50 word drama!
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
-
Thznks for your comments.
-
Thank you.
Comment from Bill Schott
This 50-word dribble, About My Mother, has the interest drawn in for the punch line that our speaker is a nut. Nice fellow who kept to himself.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
|
This 50-word dribble, About My Mother, has the interest drawn in for the punch line that our speaker is a nut. Nice fellow who kept to himself.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
-
Thanks for your comments Bill.
Comment from GLOBALEYES
Crazy, but great dribble; it can go before or after the actual deadly deed. The old time picture says modest wealth. The mother's stare seems cold, validating lack of family closeness. Interesting options. Good punctuation. Betty Davis
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
|
Crazy, but great dribble; it can go before or after the actual deadly deed. The old time picture says modest wealth. The mother's stare seems cold, validating lack of family closeness. Interesting options. Good punctuation. Betty Davis
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
-
Thanks for your comments Betty.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello author
read your 50 word dribble
I must say what a surprise ending which, I never expected all because the narrator didn't get any attention from his mother.
Gert
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
|
Hello author
read your 50 word dribble
I must say what a surprise ending which, I never expected all because the narrator didn't get any attention from his mother.
Gert
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
-
Thanks Gert, my friend.
-
You are welcome
Gert
Comment from mvbrooks
You've met the word limit and there's a clear beginning and end. In this case, it's a bit unsatisfying since we don't know why he actually killed her so we cannot commiserate or reject him for his actions.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
|
You've met the word limit and there's a clear beginning and end. In this case, it's a bit unsatisfying since we don't know why he actually killed her so we cannot commiserate or reject him for his actions.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
-
Thanks for reading. He killed her because she was kind to everyone except him. I thought that was apparent.
Comment from emptypage
Yes, killing your mom will get you lots of attention!! I imagine even a bit of fame. Maybe a mention in the daily paper? If it's brutal enough, it might even get someone on CNN!!!!!!!
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
|
Yes, killing your mom will get you lots of attention!! I imagine even a bit of fame. Maybe a mention in the daily paper? If it's brutal enough, it might even get someone on CNN!!!!!!!
Comment Written 08-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
-
Thanks Maria
Comment from Rebekah Lew
(I'd like) I'm going to ask you a few questions, John.
Now(,) what can you tell me about your mother?
She was a (very-remove) religious woman.
Always (being -remove as it makes the sentence passive)kind and helping people.
Yes, she always had lots of time for everyone.
Except me(space)...(space)so that's why I (had to-passive so remove) killed her, officer.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2018
 |
(I'd like) I'm going to ask you a few questions, John.
Now(,) what can you tell me about your mother?
She was a (very-remove) religious woman.
Always (being -remove as it makes the sentence passive)kind and helping people.
Yes, she always had lots of time for everyone.
Except me(space)...(space)so that's why I (had to-passive so remove) killed her, officer.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2018
-
Thank you very much for your help. Much appreciated
-
If you're chasing Fanstory stars, get back to me when you've edited and I'll give you your star back, heahhaha
Comment from frogbook
Whoa, that was a shocker. For once I wrote a nicer story and now look at all the great mysteries and evil 50 word tales-haha. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2018
|
Whoa, that was a shocker. For once I wrote a nicer story and now look at all the great mysteries and evil 50 word tales-haha. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2018
-
Thank you frogbook for your comments
Comment from Henry King
You wrote a complete story about a life and a motive for a murder in fifty words. Yes, the curious will ask pages of questions, the answers are right there in fifty words. It's no wonder lawyers do not want me as an expert witness. I'll be darned if I can figure out what I would say, "Hang him or Hug him."
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2018
|
You wrote a complete story about a life and a motive for a murder in fifty words. Yes, the curious will ask pages of questions, the answers are right there in fifty words. It's no wonder lawyers do not want me as an expert witness. I'll be darned if I can figure out what I would say, "Hang him or Hug him."
Comment Written 08-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2018
-
Thank you so much for your comments.
-
Your welcome
Comment from Dan Diego
A nice little story, well-told in 50 words. Of course, the twist at the end is what makes this work. I wish you luck in the booth. Here's my only editorial note:
You wrote: Now what can you tell me ...
You wrote: Now, what can you tell me ...
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2018
|
A nice little story, well-told in 50 words. Of course, the twist at the end is what makes this work. I wish you luck in the booth. Here's my only editorial note:
You wrote: Now what can you tell me ...
You wrote: Now, what can you tell me ...
Comment Written 08-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2018
-
What do you mean?
-
the comma after Now
-
Sorry about that. My suggestion is to put a comma after the word Now. oops.
-
O.K. thanks a lot. Much appreciated
