A Lion in the Hallway
A recollection of a visit by an uncle and aunt42 total reviews
Comment from Pamusart
I know Raoul from fanartreview and he is on here also. This is very humorous. It is a good entry for the contest. Nice biographical story. We all have childhood stories that are funny. Thank you for sharing. Cleverly written. Message is clear. Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2018
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I know Raoul from fanartreview and he is on here also. This is very humorous. It is a good entry for the contest. Nice biographical story. We all have childhood stories that are funny. Thank you for sharing. Cleverly written. Message is clear. Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 16-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2018
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Wabigoon
Henry--
Yes, good picture but it looks like a tiger to me.
Still, I enjoyed this and your vivid evocation of your youth, family.
Noticed this:
The milkman (hasn't) arrived, and the neighbors were still asleep. Would "hadn't work better here?
Thanks, enjoyed it.
Wabigoon/Jeff
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2018
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Henry--
Yes, good picture but it looks like a tiger to me.
Still, I enjoyed this and your vivid evocation of your youth, family.
Noticed this:
The milkman (hasn't) arrived, and the neighbors were still asleep. Would "hadn't work better here?
Thanks, enjoyed it.
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 16-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2018
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Thank you. The artist said it was a lion yawning. Ha, it's funny you noticed the milkman. My dad was waiting for him and got the milk before all the bottle rattling started.
Comment from Rasmine
Hello, Henry, :)
This is very entertaining. It shows the imagination of children. Boy, they must be very loud snorers. It could be an indicator of sleep apnea. I have a good friend who suffers from that. Good writing, Henry.
:)
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2018
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Hello, Henry, :)
This is very entertaining. It shows the imagination of children. Boy, they must be very loud snorers. It could be an indicator of sleep apnea. I have a good friend who suffers from that. Good writing, Henry.
:)
Comment Written 16-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2018
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Thank you very much. I don't know the exact cause. Uncle died of lung cancer not long after that.
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I'm sorry!!
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Thank you.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Thank Henry King
for you true story to your aunt's and uncles home. I got a question set in my mind are there lions in El Paso; so I looked it up on goggle and found out there were Mountain lion sightings are rare but, they do happen in El Paso.
Thank you for sharing and best to you in this contest
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Hello Thank Henry King
for you true story to your aunt's and uncles home. I got a question set in my mind are there lions in El Paso; so I looked it up on goggle and found out there were Mountain lion sightings are rare but, they do happen in El Paso.
Thank you for sharing and best to you in this contest
Comment Written 15-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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We had a small pride, 1 male and 2 females, in the Washington Park Zoo during the time of the story. It was a treat to us, when we visited the zoo during feeding time, 10 AM and 4 PM. The African lions' roars started about 5 minutes before feeding time. The Franklin Mountains, highest peak @ 7,300 feet above sea level, extend into the heart of the City at the southern end and to the north almost to Las Cruces, New Mexico. The State Wildlife Park is in the center of the range. Mountain lions are seen frequently. The last one observed, there have been footprints, in the City Center was about 4 years ago. The Wildlife Officers tried to tranquilize it, because it was cornered next to a school yard. The young 3 year-old male succumbed unfortunately. Mountain lions don't roar, they are mainly silent but chirp or scream infrequently. The Jaguars, in the Big Bend and in Arizona, cough.
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Thank you very much Henry King
For your detailed answer to my comment
Gert
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You are welcome
Comment from Lionmagik
Great story, I love the imagery. It's amazing the imagination a child has when hearing or seeing things for the first time. It reminded me of my childhood, I used to think when it stormed that the thunder was a big dinosaur walking around making huge stomping noises everywhere It went. I didn't notice any errors or anything the story flowed great. Your story was funny and interesting all in all a really good read.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Great story, I love the imagery. It's amazing the imagination a child has when hearing or seeing things for the first time. It reminded me of my childhood, I used to think when it stormed that the thunder was a big dinosaur walking around making huge stomping noises everywhere It went. I didn't notice any errors or anything the story flowed great. Your story was funny and interesting all in all a really good read.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Thank you very much for your comments and rating. They are encouraging.
Comment from Marge Setzer
The part I liked best was the section where you described your aunt and uncle and their lives (paragraphs 1-5). I know what they look like, their mannerisms, and I could probably draw a picture of their farm. The details enhanced that scene and I think this was the best part of your story. The second scene which takes place at the narrator's home was equally as interesting. The dialogue was well written and the metaphor of the lion fit perfectly. The only thing I would suggest is that you include a transition between scenes. When I started reading I thought this would be about your aunt and uncle and their farm. The change when they were introduced as visitors was abrupt because you never mentioned that you were expecting them as visitors. Other than that, I found your story very entertaining and fun to read. Marge
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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The part I liked best was the section where you described your aunt and uncle and their lives (paragraphs 1-5). I know what they look like, their mannerisms, and I could probably draw a picture of their farm. The details enhanced that scene and I think this was the best part of your story. The second scene which takes place at the narrator's home was equally as interesting. The dialogue was well written and the metaphor of the lion fit perfectly. The only thing I would suggest is that you include a transition between scenes. When I started reading I thought this would be about your aunt and uncle and their farm. The change when they were introduced as visitors was abrupt because you never mentioned that you were expecting them as visitors. Other than that, I found your story very entertaining and fun to read. Marge
Comment Written 15-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Thank you very much for your comments and rating. During the 2nd World War, rationing stopped most leisure travel by the average family. We, from El Paso, traveled by train at least three times to Big Spring and once to Dallas during the war years. One of those trips has the bones for another true tale which I am considering to pen. All our relatives wanted to visit El Paso, especially Cd. Juarez, our sister city. When rationing was over, the deluge of visitors began. There are other stories and a poem in the arc of my coming-of-age with more details about my family. I purposely left those details out of this story to prevent any competitive compromise.
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You're welcome. I'm looking forward to more. Marge
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello, I enjoyed this humorous non-fiction, and your description of the farm was lovely. You write well. Funny in places, your aunt and uncle snoring in tandem is a very funny picture. Your grandchildren will love that you've taken the time to compile such a work, thanks for sharing it, Ana.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Hello, I enjoyed this humorous non-fiction, and your description of the farm was lovely. You write well. Funny in places, your aunt and uncle snoring in tandem is a very funny picture. Your grandchildren will love that you've taken the time to compile such a work, thanks for sharing it, Ana.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Thank you very much for your comments.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Very good story. To think, their snoring sounded like a lion roaring. Did you tell them?
A tank was filled by a squeaking grease starved windmill.
SHOULD BE...
A tank was filled by a squeaking, grease-starved windmill.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Very good story. To think, their snoring sounded like a lion roaring. Did you tell them?
A tank was filled by a squeaking grease starved windmill.
SHOULD BE...
A tank was filled by a squeaking, grease-starved windmill.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Thank you for your comments and advice. I didn't tell them, but my dad talked and laughed about it with his brother.
Comment from karenina
What a precious recollection! Proof positive that those monsters 'neath our beds may not have been as we perceived but they were real -- pieces and parts of life's puzzle mashed together by imagination of young minds! I literally could imagine the sound of two snoring in tandem and what that would seem to be to a child! Delightfully shared!---Karenina
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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What a precious recollection! Proof positive that those monsters 'neath our beds may not have been as we perceived but they were real -- pieces and parts of life's puzzle mashed together by imagination of young minds! I literally could imagine the sound of two snoring in tandem and what that would seem to be to a child! Delightfully shared!---Karenina
Comment Written 14-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Thank you very much. Your words are especially appreciated.
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Anytime!--Karenina
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Thank you
Comment from jenintorre
What a lovely nostalgic story. I loved the description of the farm, it was so atmospheric.
A great childhood memory. I wish you good luck in the competition. Jen.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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What a lovely nostalgic story. I loved the description of the farm, it was so atmospheric.
A great childhood memory. I wish you good luck in the competition. Jen.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Thank you very much for your review.
