Black Blizzard, White
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Back to the Farm"A 2-part story of a young girl named Betty
3 total reviews
Comment from Wetbelly01
AWWW!!.... Now you went and got me all choky, teary!...
My compliments on this fine story!... I didn't see any 'glitches'...
Is there more to come?... Well Done, as far as I'm concerned!!
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2018
  |
AWWW!!.... Now you went and got me all choky, teary!...
My compliments on this fine story!... I didn't see any 'glitches'...
Is there more to come?... Well Done, as far as I'm concerned!!
Comment Written 28-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2018
-
There are more chapters and actually another section yet. I don't know if I'm posting these too quickly but I thought I could post one chapter or so each day. Thank you for the 5 stars, your review is much appreciated.
-
They're well deserved!!...
And you're very welcome, by the way!!
Comment from giraffmang
Very emotional continuation here and you handled the detailing of the event very well indeed.
As they got to the old farm house - farmhouse.
of Scout followed by the Dr. - in this instance it is probably best to spell out doctor.
The Dr. arrived then - and here also.
When using the doctor in the narrative it's best to spell it out on all occasions.
her mother was laying holding a newborn baby - lying.
his blond wispy hair laying against - lying.
"It was supposed to be Frederick, Frederick Emil." That's what we will call him. - should the second sentence also be in speech marks?
at the Powersthatbe - hyphenate this, powers-that-be.
How could someone blame Him for something that was so human. - this could probably do with a question mark.
Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so" - need punctuation before the closing speech marks.
find everyone that had been in the cellar - who rather than that here.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2018
 |
Very emotional continuation here and you handled the detailing of the event very well indeed.
As they got to the old farm house - farmhouse.
of Scout followed by the Dr. - in this instance it is probably best to spell out doctor.
The Dr. arrived then - and here also.
When using the doctor in the narrative it's best to spell it out on all occasions.
her mother was laying holding a newborn baby - lying.
his blond wispy hair laying against - lying.
"It was supposed to be Frederick, Frederick Emil." That's what we will call him. - should the second sentence also be in speech marks?
at the Powersthatbe - hyphenate this, powers-that-be.
How could someone blame Him for something that was so human. - this could probably do with a question mark.
Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so" - need punctuation before the closing speech marks.
find everyone that had been in the cellar - who rather than that here.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 28-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2018
-
Thank you, thank you. I see my errors only when pointed out to me so your reviews are important. I've been so busy with life in general I've not had time to go back and really fix the problems yet but, believe me, I will. I sincerely appreciate your feedback.
Comment from Owais Khan
Hi Charlene!
I found this chapter to be heartfelt and very well written. The description of the scene of Death and the muted responses to a personal calamity are accurate descriptions of the state of shock that one would feel on suffering an unimaginable loss. I admire your ability to humanise the characters you've created, their pain and anguish can be felt through your words, an admirable achievement!
Looking forward to reading more of your work!
Love and regards,
Owais
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2018
|
Hi Charlene!
I found this chapter to be heartfelt and very well written. The description of the scene of Death and the muted responses to a personal calamity are accurate descriptions of the state of shock that one would feel on suffering an unimaginable loss. I admire your ability to humanise the characters you've created, their pain and anguish can be felt through your words, an admirable achievement!
Looking forward to reading more of your work!
Love and regards,
Owais
Comment Written 28-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2018
-
Thank you so much. This is a labor of love, truly and it's like pulling teeth but it's most important I get this on paper. I appreciate your review a great deal.
