Black Blizzard, White
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Lloyd "A 2-part story of a young girl named Betty
2 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
The worsening storm and the boy steps up in a courageous move.
skinny boy of 12 with blonde hair and blue eyes - typically blond for males, blonde for females.
He lived with his father, Luther on a small - insert a comma after Luther.
he saw his horse Scout running - insert commas around Scout.
There's a lot of repetition within this instalment and with what has gone before in regard to the storm, the desolation and the colours.
Fred moved over to his wife's side. She was struggling and he could tell it was not going well, not for her or his baby- there's a big change in perspective here from Lloyd to Fred. It's quite jarring.
"she's got everyone here to help. We will both go." - She's.
Betty grabbed some old dish towels off the rack - dishtowels can be a single word.
Lloyd, how do you know Scout will head to town. - this should have a question mark.
so he just had to keep his eyes closed as much as possible - need end punctuation here.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2018
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The worsening storm and the boy steps up in a courageous move.
skinny boy of 12 with blonde hair and blue eyes - typically blond for males, blonde for females.
He lived with his father, Luther on a small - insert a comma after Luther.
he saw his horse Scout running - insert commas around Scout.
There's a lot of repetition within this instalment and with what has gone before in regard to the storm, the desolation and the colours.
Fred moved over to his wife's side. She was struggling and he could tell it was not going well, not for her or his baby- there's a big change in perspective here from Lloyd to Fred. It's quite jarring.
"she's got everyone here to help. We will both go." - She's.
Betty grabbed some old dish towels off the rack - dishtowels can be a single word.
Lloyd, how do you know Scout will head to town. - this should have a question mark.
so he just had to keep his eyes closed as much as possible - need end punctuation here.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2018
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OK, good. I will definitely heed your advice. Thank you again!
Comment from Wetbelly01
Okay, I'm hooked!... What a great story, so far!...
It's very well written... Easy to follow what's going on...
Don't see any problems with it...
My compliments!...Well Done!!...
Looking forward to more!!
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2018
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Okay, I'm hooked!... What a great story, so far!...
It's very well written... Easy to follow what's going on...
Don't see any problems with it...
My compliments!...Well Done!!...
Looking forward to more!!
Comment Written 27-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your kind review. Even though this is fiction, many of the events were related to me by my parents and grandparents. I am not a writer but a story teller and I want to get this in print because I'm not getting any younger. Thank you again.
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You're Very welcome!...
And again, my Compliments!...
You've got a fan, whether you want me
or not!!
