The Bloody Valentine
A murder mystery, can they solve it? (2550 Words)18 total reviews
Comment from Katie Solis
It's a slow burn. Very realistic I could see it happening. My question is why, why did he kill him? What was his motivation for harassing him in the first place, and there is a big difference between harassment and murder. Overall though, I liked it.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
   |
It's a slow burn. Very realistic I could see it happening. My question is why, why did he kill him? What was his motivation for harassing him in the first place, and there is a big difference between harassment and murder. Overall though, I liked it.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
-
Thank you for your comments. I have been away several months since I wrote this story. I don't see any way to just delete the review so, I guess as they say, "better late than never." Thanks again.
Comment from samantha0930
I really liked the story, and it fits the "bloody valentine" prompt well. There were a couple grammar mistakes at the beginning, but otherwise everything was good. :)
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
|
I really liked the story, and it fits the "bloody valentine" prompt well. There were a couple grammar mistakes at the beginning, but otherwise everything was good. :)
Comment Written 13-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
-
Thank you for your comments. I have been away several months since I wrote this story. I don't see any way to just delete the review so, I guess as they say, "better late than never." Thanks again.
Comment from Fabiha_N
This is a very well-written story! The tension and the mystery was definitely rising. I was hooked on to the story from beginning to end, it was engaging. Great job!
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2018
|
This is a very well-written story! The tension and the mystery was definitely rising. I was hooked on to the story from beginning to end, it was engaging. Great job!
Comment Written 30-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2018
-
Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks bloody valentine, quest is who has the guts to nab the murderer upon investigation and unveil the mystery; good plot development, realistic dialogues, dubious ending; well said, well done, good luck with the contest. Continue writing. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
|
This speaks bloody valentine, quest is who has the guts to nab the murderer upon investigation and unveil the mystery; good plot development, realistic dialogues, dubious ending; well said, well done, good luck with the contest. Continue writing. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 29-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
-
Thank you for your review and critique.
Comment from trumby
I don't believe that you could have made it any shorter, mate. Not if you wanted to tell the whole story.
I like the detective work and the language. You seem to know how the system works. I can see that you watch a lot of police shows on TV.
Perhaps you can write a few more about this bloke.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
|
I don't believe that you could have made it any shorter, mate. Not if you wanted to tell the whole story.
I like the detective work and the language. You seem to know how the system works. I can see that you watch a lot of police shows on TV.
Perhaps you can write a few more about this bloke.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
-
Thank you very much for your review and kind words. My dad was in law enforcement. I do love crime drama and mystery.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there;
Thank you for sharing your story about the 'bloody valentine.' I like the 'FBI' story-telling and the use of that same vernacular in the prose.
My only suggestion is to work more on the 'showing' rather than telling. You did a good job with some of the dialogue, but most of the story was told by the narrator.
Good luck in the contest,
~patty~
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2018
|
Hi there;
Thank you for sharing your story about the 'bloody valentine.' I like the 'FBI' story-telling and the use of that same vernacular in the prose.
My only suggestion is to work more on the 'showing' rather than telling. You did a good job with some of the dialogue, but most of the story was told by the narrator.
Good luck in the contest,
~patty~
Comment Written 28-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2018
-
Thank you for your review and critique. I appreciate it.
Comment from Ricky1024
It was well written Richard Simmons balls in Missouri and flood well-read well with no grammar issues ejaculation contest friendly employees to skip the missions line perfectly since we just talked to Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2018
|
It was well written Richard Simmons balls in Missouri and flood well-read well with no grammar issues ejaculation contest friendly employees to skip the missions line perfectly since we just talked to Ricky 1024
Comment Written 28-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2018
-
Thank you for your review. However, I don't know if there is a translation issue or what. But below is the review I received from you. I have no idea what Richard Simmons or Missouri have to do with my story, nor the word ejaculation. Something very strange, regardless.
"It was well written Richard Simmons balls in Missouri and flood well-read well with no grammar issues ejaculation contest friendly employees to skip the missions line perfectly since we just talked to Ricky 1024"
Comment from Rikki66
Excellent tale, questionably racist, the Hispanic-Mexican perpetrator the clean-cut white victim; the victim is not identified as white Jimmy's full name and Priscilla's full name scream vanilla.
Just a suggestion for any revision Frank answers the last question, 'dummy it was the soda can and the Bloody Valentine.'continue the good work.
Rikki
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2018
|
Excellent tale, questionably racist, the Hispanic-Mexican perpetrator the clean-cut white victim; the victim is not identified as white Jimmy's full name and Priscilla's full name scream vanilla.
Just a suggestion for any revision Frank answers the last question, 'dummy it was the soda can and the Bloody Valentine.'continue the good work.
Rikki
Comment Written 28-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2018
-
Thank you for your review and critique. I don't write to be politically correct. If it sounded racist, sorry.
-
To me it was fine but there are those??
Rikki
Comment from Rasmine
Hello, :)
Good story. I wish you all the luck in the competition.
I found some typos and have suggestions for you:
I usually do all the driving and George is always wanting to drive. This time, I didn't feel like going into our routine of jabbing one another about who should drive. George grinned a little when he saw I didn't argue as I climbed in on the passenger side (This paragraph doesn't add to the story; maybe you can leave it out?).
I didn't mind explaining (semicolon instead because it doesn't have a connector word like ánd' or 'but', so on), it was good news.
I enjoyed this. :)
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2018
 |
Hello, :)
Good story. I wish you all the luck in the competition.
I found some typos and have suggestions for you:
I usually do all the driving and George is always wanting to drive. This time, I didn't feel like going into our routine of jabbing one another about who should drive. George grinned a little when he saw I didn't argue as I climbed in on the passenger side (This paragraph doesn't add to the story; maybe you can leave it out?).
I didn't mind explaining (semicolon instead because it doesn't have a connector word like ánd' or 'but', so on), it was good news.
I enjoyed this. :)
Comment Written 28-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2018
-
Thank you for your review and critique. I will make the corrections.
-
And make sure they are correct by looking it up for yourself. :D
Comment from Joy Graham
This is an interesting story for the contest. I like your characters. I like the tricky way they got the fingerprints from giving the boys drinks and keeping the empty cans for analysis. Best wishes in the contest.
Joy xx
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2018
|
This is an interesting story for the contest. I like your characters. I like the tricky way they got the fingerprints from giving the boys drinks and keeping the empty cans for analysis. Best wishes in the contest.
Joy xx
Comment Written 27-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2018
-
Thank you for your review and kind words.
