Bittersweet Revenge
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Turning Point"She's back ready for revenge.
9 total reviews
Comment from Sandollar
Again, another very interesting chapter.I feel like I am beginning to understand what is going on. My girl is getting her revenge.
The punctuation seems to have improved since I reviewed the last time. Sometimes, in my haste to get it all down, all correct SPAG goes to hell. This chapter also seems to move faster which drives the story forward. I look forward to the upcoming chapters.
Sandollar
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
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Again, another very interesting chapter.I feel like I am beginning to understand what is going on. My girl is getting her revenge.
The punctuation seems to have improved since I reviewed the last time. Sometimes, in my haste to get it all down, all correct SPAG goes to hell. This chapter also seems to move faster which drives the story forward. I look forward to the upcoming chapters.
Sandollar
Comment Written 24-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your wonderful review. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Yes, The killer was abused as a child and again as an adult so she's after everyone who hurt her. Now that her confidence is building she's going to get more creative with her murders. She's going to taunt the police because she thinks they're all idiots.
Thank you again for such a nice review, take care.
Comment from giraffmang
Another action packed instalment here.
few bits & pieces to have a look at-
Smiling Joe waves back. - you have this in italics but it shouldn't be.
It is probably better to keep direct thought presented the same way in italics for all of it rather than mixing it like here -
Jerad wined and dined me, bought me fancy things, took me to exotic places. (standard text) I felt like a princess. (italics)
You gave me hope, courage, taught me how to love again.
- You also needs to be in italics.
with heavy artillery in hand - this feels like hyperbole.
"Have all available officers canvas the neighborhood. - need closing speech marks here.
from a pay phone down the road - payphone can be a single word here.
You're about to take a permanent vacation from this. - this should all be in italics.
scooping up a wrench he darts across the room.- this needs to start with a capital.
GMG
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
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Another action packed instalment here.
few bits & pieces to have a look at-
Smiling Joe waves back. - you have this in italics but it shouldn't be.
It is probably better to keep direct thought presented the same way in italics for all of it rather than mixing it like here -
Jerad wined and dined me, bought me fancy things, took me to exotic places. (standard text) I felt like a princess. (italics)
You gave me hope, courage, taught me how to love again.
- You also needs to be in italics.
with heavy artillery in hand - this feels like hyperbole.
"Have all available officers canvas the neighborhood. - need closing speech marks here.
from a pay phone down the road - payphone can be a single word here.
You're about to take a permanent vacation from this. - this should all be in italics.
scooping up a wrench he darts across the room.- this needs to start with a capital.
GMG
Comment Written 24-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your very helpful review. I hope the odd part of the last chapter makes more sense now. Since you didn't comment I'm assuming it's alright?
Thank you again for your continuous help and all your support. I've improved a lot because of you. For that I'll be forever grateful, take care.
Comment from apky
Another great and intriguing chapter, my friend. The plot moves forward, the dialogue flows and the style has improved remarkably.
My suggestions are below.
Well done, and keep it up, my friend.
Jerad held me close everytime those horrid memories returned. ~ the sentence doesn't make sense, Misty. Something is missing; maybe just punctuation...
Joe see(sees) officers trying to control the onlookers while forensics is dodging around, trying to get inside.
Joe sees the body in front of his mattress;~ re-phrase this because it sounds as if the mattress belongs to Joe.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Another great and intriguing chapter, my friend. The plot moves forward, the dialogue flows and the style has improved remarkably.
My suggestions are below.
Well done, and keep it up, my friend.
Jerad held me close everytime those horrid memories returned. ~ the sentence doesn't make sense, Misty. Something is missing; maybe just punctuation...
Joe see(sees) officers trying to control the onlookers while forensics is dodging around, trying to get inside.
Joe sees the body in front of his mattress;~ re-phrase this because it sounds as if the mattress belongs to Joe.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Thank you for you wonderful review and all your encouraging words. The sentence that doesn't make sense I changed it to Jerad held me close when my horrid memories returned. Is that better?
Thank you again for all your reviews, help and support they mean a lot to me, take care.
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Misty, I meant that if these are her thoughts, then you need to also include "Jared" in italics, LOL!
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I'm glad you clarified because after the reconstruction Jarad still wasn't in italics.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Yay! She got another one. How many is that so far? I'll bet you don't even know. It's so much fun watching her take out these evil monsters. Prison is too good for them, and when they get out, they'll just hurt others. They can't be reformed.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Yay! She got another one. How many is that so far? I'll bet you don't even know. It's so much fun watching her take out these evil monsters. Prison is too good for them, and when they get out, they'll just hurt others. They can't be reformed.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for your review. I agree, get rid of them now before they become a menace to society. How many, lol let me see there's Frank, Bernie, Lucas, Carlos, and Walter, plus the gunman and his buddies. She isn't done just yet, lol.
Thank you again for all your support, take care.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello and WOW MistyDawn
Talk about keeping this chapter filled with action
With no doubt you knew how to keep me wanting to read more between the killers memories, Joe's investigation of the murder scene then low and behold another killing
Gert
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Hello and WOW MistyDawn
Talk about keeping this chapter filled with action
With no doubt you knew how to keep me wanting to read more between the killers memories, Joe's investigation of the murder scene then low and behold another killing
Gert
Comment Written 22-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review, I'm so glad you're enjoying this story. The killer is getting confident, more creative she's purposely leaving clues behind as to her identity and Walter's secret life.
Thank you again for all your reviews, wonderful praise and support. They mean a lot to me, take care.
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You are welcome Mistydawn
Gert
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This is another phase of the novel speaks about the turning point, killer's horrid memories resurfaces and the mystery unveiled, thrill continues, well said, well done. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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This is another phase of the novel speaks about the turning point, killer's horrid memories resurfaces and the mystery unveiled, thrill continues, well said, well done. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 22-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for your great review, and your wonderful praise. I'm glad you're enjoying the story, take care.
Comment from Kathy Allmon
I like that you differentiate what happened in the past with what is happening in the present. This is the first chapter that I have read so please take this with a grain of salt. I was just wondering if maybe there was a way to separate this into two chapters. I think it might help with the flow. Keep on writing. I just know this will be a great book.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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I like that you differentiate what happened in the past with what is happening in the present. This is the first chapter that I have read so please take this with a grain of salt. I was just wondering if maybe there was a way to separate this into two chapters. I think it might help with the flow. Keep on writing. I just know this will be a great book.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your kind review.
Since there is only one past memory and it's second from the top I would have to move it down, splitting at Lou and Jimmy's scene, then add a bunch or have two 900 word chapters. So my question is how bad does it disrupt the flow and do you have another idea, Hopefully, one less time-consuming?
Thank you for your review and your suggestion, take care.
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I can see what you are saying. Not enough to bother with. Now that you explained it it works.
Comment from royowen
Boy our heroine is leaving a trail of bodies behind, and Joe and Jerry really have their work, and are trying to work out who in the heck is causing all this carnage, there's an awful lot tied up in this episode, including near victims. She appears to be painting herself into a corner. Like most victims seeking revenge, they seem to be great plotters. Well done, good episode, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Boy our heroine is leaving a trail of bodies behind, and Joe and Jerry really have their work, and are trying to work out who in the heck is causing all this carnage, there's an awful lot tied up in this episode, including near victims. She appears to be painting herself into a corner. Like most victims seeking revenge, they seem to be great plotters. Well done, good episode, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 22-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your kind review and all your nice praise. Our victim/killer having gained confidence gets creative with this murder. She purposely leaves clues on her identity and his dirty secret.
Thanks again for all your help and support, take care.
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Most welcome
Comment from Ric Myworld
Damn, can't even help a damsel in distress these days without her bashing your skull with a crowbar. I once had a Latin girlfriend whom I called dull of understanding. I mean, she tried to stab me just because I had lipstick on my cheek. She didn't even give me time to tell her my grandmother kissed me. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter. :-)
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Damn, can't even help a damsel in distress these days without her bashing your skull with a crowbar. I once had a Latin girlfriend whom I called dull of understanding. I mean, she tried to stab me just because I had lipstick on my cheek. She didn't even give me time to tell her my grandmother kissed me. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter. :-)
Comment Written 22-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your great review. She tried to stab you because of lipstick? You sure can pick the wild ones, lol.
Thanks again for your wonderful review and your support, take care.
