The Life of Mrs. Armstrong
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Surprise"Out of retirement..
10 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
What a great teaching strategy to get them to try to do the diagram first and then go over the answers together and then use that diagram for their own studying. And I like learning about how to take the BP ! I also enjoyed the observation of the pencil chewers. They must be part beaver. Lol.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2021
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What a great teaching strategy to get them to try to do the diagram first and then go over the answers together and then use that diagram for their own studying. And I like learning about how to take the BP ! I also enjoyed the observation of the pencil chewers. They must be part beaver. Lol.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2021
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Thank you so much Helen for reading, reviewing and your fabulous comments. I am so glad you are learning something from this. I thought it was cute about being part beaver, they were after all Canadians, lol. Hugs and smiles!
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😻😊 Canadian beavers! 🤣
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LOL you just crack me up.
Comment from MelB
There was a collective sighs as held breathes were released. - There (were) collective sighs as held breath{e}s were released.
Great chapter, Aryr. I love the insight as you are watching them stare at the ceiling, bite erasers, etc. I need to catch up!
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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There was a collective sighs as held breathes were released. - There (were) collective sighs as held breath{e}s were released.
Great chapter, Aryr. I love the insight as you are watching them stare at the ceiling, bite erasers, etc. I need to catch up!
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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Thank so much once again Mel, I am glad you are enjoying some of the details. Again thanks.
Comment from robyn corum
Alie,
Though these are interesting facts, right now, that is all your story is about. You seem to open your chaps with an overview of the weather and then jump into the lessons -- since none of us have signed up for a health class, you're going to have to introduce us to your CHARACTER. What is she thinking? (beyond the class stuff) FEELING? Where does she live? Where does she go AFTER school? Who does she interact with? Who does she care about? What does she want? What stands in her way? Why should we care???
Please don't think I'm saying that I'm not interested, but I'm telling you the hard things - that some others may not. And it's because you're good enough to know it. And fix it. Yes??
I found other things to check on, too:
1.) that everyone (try) what Michelle had succeed with.
--> 'succeeded with' / 'had success with'
--> 'try' because that's in the future not the past
2.) I then focused on the remaining people with questions and learned that the remaining five had had them answered.
--> if you're saying what I think you're saying, this sentence is not needed. I think you're telling us you asked for any other qs but there weren't any. The way you're saying this makes it sound like it's a non-statement. No-information, a waste of the reader's time. Reconsider the wording or leave off, imo.
3.) There was a collective sigh (as)held (breaths) were released.
4.) They would munch away at the end of their pencil(s), then have to pick the small pieces off their tongue(s).
5.) I instructed them to keep them and use them at home on a regular basis
--> be very careful with pronouns - they can be very confusing to readers if you are not careful. Here, I think people can figure things out, but it's a good example of what I'm talking about. Always, ALWAYS, be CLEAR. Designate.
6.) I listened as pages were turned and flipped.
--> turned and flipped are synonyms - so you can just stop your sentence using only one of these.
Very nice!! Thanks!
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Alie,
Though these are interesting facts, right now, that is all your story is about. You seem to open your chaps with an overview of the weather and then jump into the lessons -- since none of us have signed up for a health class, you're going to have to introduce us to your CHARACTER. What is she thinking? (beyond the class stuff) FEELING? Where does she live? Where does she go AFTER school? Who does she interact with? Who does she care about? What does she want? What stands in her way? Why should we care???
Please don't think I'm saying that I'm not interested, but I'm telling you the hard things - that some others may not. And it's because you're good enough to know it. And fix it. Yes??
I found other things to check on, too:
1.) that everyone (try) what Michelle had succeed with.
--> 'succeeded with' / 'had success with'
--> 'try' because that's in the future not the past
2.) I then focused on the remaining people with questions and learned that the remaining five had had them answered.
--> if you're saying what I think you're saying, this sentence is not needed. I think you're telling us you asked for any other qs but there weren't any. The way you're saying this makes it sound like it's a non-statement. No-information, a waste of the reader's time. Reconsider the wording or leave off, imo.
3.) There was a collective sigh (as)held (breaths) were released.
4.) They would munch away at the end of their pencil(s), then have to pick the small pieces off their tongue(s).
5.) I instructed them to keep them and use them at home on a regular basis
--> be very careful with pronouns - they can be very confusing to readers if you are not careful. Here, I think people can figure things out, but it's a good example of what I'm talking about. Always, ALWAYS, be CLEAR. Designate.
6.) I listened as pages were turned and flipped.
--> turned and flipped are synonyms - so you can just stop your sentence using only one of these.
Very nice!! Thanks!
Comment Written 18-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Okay, is this where I was supposed to hate you, lol, just teasing, it will not happen. I will re read this review tomorrow and address the changes, my mind is too tired tonight. This is an example of the nice thing about being reviewed on FS; it is constructive, informative, educational with the intent to make better writers. Thanks.
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whew!
Comment from Pantygynt
I fear for the future of this book. You have them all eating out of your hand, which is of course excellent teaching technique, but where will you go for your dramatic tension in the future. It is the bad boys who mak for good reading.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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I fear for the future of this book. You have them all eating out of your hand, which is of course excellent teaching technique, but where will you go for your dramatic tension in the future. It is the bad boys who mak for good reading.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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MMMM good point but please be patient, I promise the ugly will rear its head. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing.
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Good. I am patient.
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LOL, that is great to know.
Comment from apky
An enjoyable read for me. I liked the vivid descriptions of what was going on in the class, how you described the mannerisms of the pupils/students: chewing pencils, looking at the ceiling, et cetera. You put the reader right in the middle of the scene.
Well done!
As I point to an area on the screen(,) each student will identify it. If it is incorrect(,) the next person will identify it.
I slide(slid) the projector to the side of the desk and raised the screen.
Some people are mouth breathers but they can also be note worthy(noteworthy-one word) inhalers or exhalers.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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An enjoyable read for me. I liked the vivid descriptions of what was going on in the class, how you described the mannerisms of the pupils/students: chewing pencils, looking at the ceiling, et cetera. You put the reader right in the middle of the scene.
Well done!
As I point to an area on the screen(,) each student will identify it. If it is incorrect(,) the next person will identify it.
I slide(slid) the projector to the side of the desk and raised the screen.
Some people are mouth breathers but they can also be note worthy(noteworthy-one word) inhalers or exhalers.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing I really appreciate your comments and your noted corrections which will be done shortly. Thank goodness there are reviewers.
Comment from Ricky1024
Chapter in your book was well written written team is Alzheimer you flood well-read well with no grammar issues as well adjective an object of confidence pose for gracefully and place and also excellent if the measures aligned perfectly thanks for this doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Chapter in your book was well written written team is Alzheimer you flood well-read well with no grammar issues as well adjective an object of confidence pose for gracefully and place and also excellent if the measures aligned perfectly thanks for this doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 18-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and your constructive comments.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
I dated a med student. She was studying for a test that required naming all of the bones. I said just think of the song. Toe bone connected to the foot bone. Foot bone connected to the leg bone . . .
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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I dated a med student. She was studying for a test that required naming all of the bones. I said just think of the song. Toe bone connected to the foot bone. Foot bone connected to the leg bone . . .
Comment Written 17-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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LOL that is so so cute. Unfortunately it doesn't quite work that way. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Moving right along. I have never seen a nurse take a pulse for a whole minute. Usually they do it for fifteen seconds and multiply by four. It saves time and is close enough, off by only one point if any.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Moving right along. I have never seen a nurse take a pulse for a whole minute. Usually they do it for fifteen seconds and multiply by four. It saves time and is close enough, off by only one point if any.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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You are absolutely correct Phyllis but all students are taught to do the whole minute, the short cuts come later lol; plus it you are listening to the heart sounds it has to be a minute because you could miss something such as a skipped beat which usually occur between 40-55 seconds. But I really appreciated your comment, it was a good catch. Thanks.
Comment from Twinsissy
I see it - the class, the teacher, the students.
Your setting the scene, and the characters in it, is well defined.
Seems as though you have been an instructor - the events are so accurate. And I learned something [ a lot, actually] which is always a bonus with anything that you read.
My only criticism would be with punctuation; I would have used semi-colons instead of periods in several places. But then I am prone to use semi-colons.
A very interesting and readable chapter - I truly enjoyed! Thank you aryr.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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I see it - the class, the teacher, the students.
Your setting the scene, and the characters in it, is well defined.
Seems as though you have been an instructor - the events are so accurate. And I learned something [ a lot, actually] which is always a bonus with anything that you read.
My only criticism would be with punctuation; I would have used semi-colons instead of periods in several places. But then I am prone to use semi-colons.
A very interesting and readable chapter - I truly enjoyed! Thank you aryr.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing Anne. I really appreciate your comments and I am glad you learned something. Punctuation is not always my strong point but then I can learn from the experts in a review which I really appreciate. Again thanks.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Diagnosis and psychological appreciation of a patient; sometime choice is surprising; analytical thoughts is evident; well said, well done; keep writing. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Diagnosis and psychological appreciation of a patient; sometime choice is surprising; analytical thoughts is evident; well said, well done; keep writing. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 17-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, I truly appreciate your comments.
