Legend Chasers
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Piasa Bird"An old man retells stories of fighting monsters.
28 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi Rhonda, As you know, fantasy is not really my thing, but yet again you've caught my attention. The sequence where you write about the two boys being snatched is superbly written. You had me on tender hooks. Very well done. So good to see you back. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
  |
Hi Rhonda, As you know, fantasy is not really my thing, but yet again you've caught my attention. The sequence where you write about the two boys being snatched is superbly written. You had me on tender hooks. Very well done. So good to see you back. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
-
Thank you so much, Ulla! You are kind to grant me six stars! I also appreciate you going outside your genre to read. I'm trying to add a little more romance and relationships in this book, but always migrate to fantasy or science fiction.
Thank you for the stars, and thank you for the comments!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine chapter, Rhonda--I've heard of 'being flipped the bird, but not literally being flipped by the bird--ah, he, ha! Sorry about the lame joke, I guess it'll be a LONG day here!
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
|
Another fine chapter, Rhonda--I've heard of 'being flipped the bird, but not literally being flipped by the bird--ah, he, ha! Sorry about the lame joke, I guess it'll be a LONG day here!
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
-
Ha, ha. I love your sense of humor! Thank you for the six stars, my friend. You're too kind. Of course, you are helping with the plot and character description, so you have a vested interest. haha.
Thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from Douglas Paul
Well done my friend. I really liked the story about the dragon. This promises to be an interesting tale. I hope to follow it. It flows smoothly and I see no errors
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
|
Well done my friend. I really liked the story about the dragon. This promises to be an interesting tale. I hope to follow it. It flows smoothly and I see no errors
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
-
Thank you so much for the six star review, my friend. I can't say enough how glad I am to have you back on board.
I just moved from my house to my in-laws to help with Wayne's aging mother. I happened across your children's book, and it made me smile. What a sweet book!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Joy Graham
Hi Rhonda,
How delightful to find your new story in the early chapters so I can catch up and read along.
- "serenaded by (respledent) Bluegrass music" - resplendent
- "Not tonight.(") Miss Eddins..." - shouldn't your speech tag include the words, "Miss Eddins"?
Wow, great imagination here. I'm ready for more. Keep writing.
Your, "serenaded by resplendent bluegrass music" had me reconsider the wording in my poem. You sparked new thoughts for me. Thank you for that.
Joy xx
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
 |
Hi Rhonda,
How delightful to find your new story in the early chapters so I can catch up and read along.
- "serenaded by (respledent) Bluegrass music" - resplendent
- "Not tonight.(") Miss Eddins..." - shouldn't your speech tag include the words, "Miss Eddins"?
Wow, great imagination here. I'm ready for more. Keep writing.
Your, "serenaded by resplendent bluegrass music" had me reconsider the wording in my poem. You sparked new thoughts for me. Thank you for that.
Joy xx
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
-
Thank you, my dear, for the wonderful review. I'm so glad you're reading the book. It helps to have friends follow along.
And how sweet you are for your comments. You made me feel warm and fuzzy!
I'll fix the spag. Great job of finding them for me!
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from D.F. Wood
Excellent story. It made me think of the legendary Chupacabra.
I think you did an excellent job working the man's story telling into your story. This is a very well-written piece of work. I did not find any errors. I am gong to log your technique into my memory bank. The way you worked in the man's story is very impressive.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
|
Excellent story. It made me think of the legendary Chupacabra.
I think you did an excellent job working the man's story telling into your story. This is a very well-written piece of work. I did not find any errors. I am gong to log your technique into my memory bank. The way you worked in the man's story is very impressive.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
-
Wow, thank you, Daniel! I appreciate your comments and support. I've never been told that anyone wanted to log my techniques, so that is very kind. He will have more stories as the book progresses.
Have a great week,
Rhonda
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I've enjoyed this well written chapter, although I've not read the previous work.
I'll have to look for it.
Well written, easy to follow and understand. I love the story within the story.
Sharon
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
|
I've enjoyed this well written chapter, although I've not read the previous work.
I'll have to look for it.
Well written, easy to follow and understand. I love the story within the story.
Sharon
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
-
Thank you, Sharon. I'm glad you liked the style. I'll run it off and on in the story as we find out more about the man and his experiences.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Rhonda,
An instalment in two halves here, this time around. I enjoyed the tale but was wondering where it was going. Nice revelations and playing with expectations in the latter half as well. This is shaping up nicely I feel.
A few things I noticed and thought about whilst I read through-
A young boy knelt in the dirt beside his farmhouse playing marbles with his older brother, Conner.- this made me pause right from the off. Why isn't the boy named, yet his brother is during the narrative?
and felt the fetid air / He felt a combination of terror and curiosity. - just keep an eye on the repetition here. You could easily restructure one of these. The second could be something like - A combination of terror and curiosity overcame him.
as he watched two enormous clawed feet grabbed his brother - grab.
and began lifting him from the ground - begin.
the above two don't need changed if you eliminate 'he watched', but all together doesn't scan right. or insert another as after watched, by it's a little clumsy.
"We don't have any such creatures in North America," A teen-aged girl named Bess said - the 'a' should be lower case here.
I get later on that it is Riley in the story but it did make me stop early on especially as there is no indication a story is being told. It's quite a jump from the previous instalment. It's not a big thing but just something to consider.
She stood to her feet - to her feet is redundant if you're saying she stood (I do this all the time! lol)
South is rich with story-tellers - storytellers can be a single word.
All the best
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
|
Hi Rhonda,
An instalment in two halves here, this time around. I enjoyed the tale but was wondering where it was going. Nice revelations and playing with expectations in the latter half as well. This is shaping up nicely I feel.
A few things I noticed and thought about whilst I read through-
A young boy knelt in the dirt beside his farmhouse playing marbles with his older brother, Conner.- this made me pause right from the off. Why isn't the boy named, yet his brother is during the narrative?
and felt the fetid air / He felt a combination of terror and curiosity. - just keep an eye on the repetition here. You could easily restructure one of these. The second could be something like - A combination of terror and curiosity overcame him.
as he watched two enormous clawed feet grabbed his brother - grab.
and began lifting him from the ground - begin.
the above two don't need changed if you eliminate 'he watched', but all together doesn't scan right. or insert another as after watched, by it's a little clumsy.
"We don't have any such creatures in North America," A teen-aged girl named Bess said - the 'a' should be lower case here.
I get later on that it is Riley in the story but it did make me stop early on especially as there is no indication a story is being told. It's quite a jump from the previous instalment. It's not a big thing but just something to consider.
She stood to her feet - to her feet is redundant if you're saying she stood (I do this all the time! lol)
South is rich with story-tellers - storytellers can be a single word.
All the best
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
-
Thank you for the rich review, my friend. I had in at one point that Riley always refers to himself as "the young boy", or "the young man". It will become his trademark. I edited out where that was brought out, and should put it back in.
I agree with the awkwardness of those paragraphs, but wasn't sure how to restate. You nailed it.
Thanks for the other comments. They will all be very helpful, and are spot on.
Take care,
Rhonda
-
I have those days when I know something isn't right and the longer I look at it the worse it gets... I also have a habit of deleting thousands of words in frustration...
lol
-
Yes, I did that this time, several times. I went back and put in a sort of into. Please see if that works better. Thanks!
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
"Well, son, that there is one very good question," Riley said. "They're called Piasa birds, but no one knows for sure what they are. They're deadly fierce, and have been known to attack livestock... some as large as calves."
I don't know why but I have a thing about huge birds, the ones that existed until the fairly recent future. In 1909 a five year old girl called Marie Dupont was captured by a giant bird and actually carried away by it in France. Amazing. At first I thought you were writing about a griffin this story is fabulous and really blew my mind for a while so I read it twice! Such a good story, I adored it. Well done kindest regards Meia xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
|
"Well, son, that there is one very good question," Riley said. "They're called Piasa birds, but no one knows for sure what they are. They're deadly fierce, and have been known to attack livestock... some as large as calves."
I don't know why but I have a thing about huge birds, the ones that existed until the fairly recent future. In 1909 a five year old girl called Marie Dupont was captured by a giant bird and actually carried away by it in France. Amazing. At first I thought you were writing about a griffin this story is fabulous and really blew my mind for a while so I read it twice! Such a good story, I adored it. Well done kindest regards Meia xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018
-
Thank you so much for the wonderful review, Meia! Thank you for reading it twice. What an honor. I am intrigued by many supernatural creatures, and this one is probably my favorite.
Thanks for sharing your favorite part!
Take care,
Rhonda
