The Overcoming
A man's quest to overcome his fear of a future event11 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
Well, this has got to be a thinly veiled biographical essay about yourself. I like what you've written here because it is honest and readers can associate with the feelings of a person in or around retirement age. It could have been my story, except it was you. I started getting my retirement income act together ten years ago, trying to make a five year plan leading to a five year plan, leading to retirement. I also wanted to write for a living, but knew it would likely never BE a living wage. So, having the money not be a factor was the goal. Then writing is a joy, not a labor. Of course, some may require the incentive of deadlines and bills to pay to be the motivation to produce.
After reading this example I would encourage you to find Christian publications that take essays and true stories from folks for publication. There are probably many and they do pay you. Also, writers write best about what they know best. This article was about YOUR situation. What about your woodworking hobby? The travails of an enthusiast kept limited by the need of investment can't be a story that pertains only to you. The things you've made or would make, the reasons for it, how it makes you feel, and any other world that satellites around that notion are ripe for writing about and directing to an apt audience.
Cast a broad net and find out what's in the water. A better analogy might be, build a flagpole, run a flag up and see who salutes.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2018
  |
Well, this has got to be a thinly veiled biographical essay about yourself. I like what you've written here because it is honest and readers can associate with the feelings of a person in or around retirement age. It could have been my story, except it was you. I started getting my retirement income act together ten years ago, trying to make a five year plan leading to a five year plan, leading to retirement. I also wanted to write for a living, but knew it would likely never BE a living wage. So, having the money not be a factor was the goal. Then writing is a joy, not a labor. Of course, some may require the incentive of deadlines and bills to pay to be the motivation to produce.
After reading this example I would encourage you to find Christian publications that take essays and true stories from folks for publication. There are probably many and they do pay you. Also, writers write best about what they know best. This article was about YOUR situation. What about your woodworking hobby? The travails of an enthusiast kept limited by the need of investment can't be a story that pertains only to you. The things you've made or would make, the reasons for it, how it makes you feel, and any other world that satellites around that notion are ripe for writing about and directing to an apt audience.
Cast a broad net and find out what's in the water. A better analogy might be, build a flagpole, run a flag up and see who salutes.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2018
-
Thank you so much, Bill, for your reply and honesty. I truly appreciate it. I like the idea of seeking some Christian sources, which is something I've kicked around a bit. I totally agree the best writing comes from one who knows what their talking about. I would not want to write them junk e-mails promoting somebody's products (or scam) if I did not believe in what they were selling. That's what some of that copywrite stuff sounds like. I will indeed cast a bigger net. Thank you again for your reply and honesty.
Comment from Ricky1024
The overcoming was well written rich and seem as well as imagery flowed well right well with no grammar issue so to speak I checked it as well as object or concepts were both excellent firmly in place the scripture measures aligned perfectly thanks for this doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2018
|
The overcoming was well written rich and seem as well as imagery flowed well right well with no grammar issue so to speak I checked it as well as object or concepts were both excellent firmly in place the scripture measures aligned perfectly thanks for this doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 12-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2018
-
Thank you for your review and kind words. I really appreciate it.
Comment from apky
This is a good and encouraging story to aspiring writers, but more so a story about trust and reliance on the guardianship of the Lord, provided one is a believer.
It is also a sort of side advert for this site which I found amusing and appropriate enough. There's a lot to learn on this site, both the good and the bad. Some ise ot fairly and wisely, others see their change to bash others who don't think like they do or those who point out their weak points to them
It's all a matter of perspectives and temperament, I keep telling myself.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2018
|
This is a good and encouraging story to aspiring writers, but more so a story about trust and reliance on the guardianship of the Lord, provided one is a believer.
It is also a sort of side advert for this site which I found amusing and appropriate enough. There's a lot to learn on this site, both the good and the bad. Some ise ot fairly and wisely, others see their change to bash others who don't think like they do or those who point out their weak points to them
It's all a matter of perspectives and temperament, I keep telling myself.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2018
-
Thank you so much for your review and kind words. Yes, when you bring God into a conversation or a story, in today's world, you are putting yourself out there to be attacked. So far, I have not had that happen here. I truly appreciate you taking the time to read my story and offer your comments. Thank you.
Comment from Joy Graham
Dear Mystery Writer,
Wow. This is a long story to read. You have me terrified about retirement. I know retirement scares me, but is that what John in his story is afraid of? I didn't feel you got into the fear aspect for the contest. Still, it's a good story. I wish you well in the contest.
Sincerely Joy xx
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
|
Dear Mystery Writer,
Wow. This is a long story to read. You have me terrified about retirement. I know retirement scares me, but is that what John in his story is afraid of? I didn't feel you got into the fear aspect for the contest. Still, it's a good story. I wish you well in the contest.
Sincerely Joy xx
Comment Written 09-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
-
Thank you kindly for your review. I am sorry you missed the heart of his fear, which is not being able to provide for his family once he retires. I truly appreciate your feedback. Thank you.
Comment from Dan Diego
Nicely done. Although this is a blind contest entry, I feel like I know the real identity of John. For some reason, there has been a bevy of contests lately that are really bringing out some personal stories of determination and triumph. This is one of them. There's a lot to take-away from this. It is cautious in the beginning (401ks). It is authentic in the middle (crunching the numbers) and it is reverent throughout (you profess your faith in God). What is not to like about this post? Nothing. It's perfect. Don't change a word, John.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
|
Nicely done. Although this is a blind contest entry, I feel like I know the real identity of John. For some reason, there has been a bevy of contests lately that are really bringing out some personal stories of determination and triumph. This is one of them. There's a lot to take-away from this. It is cautious in the beginning (401ks). It is authentic in the middle (crunching the numbers) and it is reverent throughout (you profess your faith in God). What is not to like about this post? Nothing. It's perfect. Don't change a word, John.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
-
Thank you for your review and kind words. And keeping to the privacy of identity, thank you. I'm looking forward to seeing more of your stories as well.
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
This was well written and very inspirational. I enjoyed reading about faith and waiting on God. The artwork was right on point with the poem. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to reading more of your work.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
|
This was well written and very inspirational. I enjoyed reading about faith and waiting on God. The artwork was right on point with the poem. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
-
Thank you so much for your review and kind words. I am glad you liked it.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
A couple of general observations on this piece.
You use John to start quite a few sentences.
The other big thing was some fluctuating in the tenses between present and past.
You need to keep working until your 70 - you're.
John new this meant he would have his normal work - knew.
Is this God's will, or is this my will? - this is the age old question. Although I have quite a few Christian friends who would find it indistinguishable given that if you truly walk with God it is one and the same...
Well, who knows where the road travelled will take one?
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
|
Hi there,
A couple of general observations on this piece.
You use John to start quite a few sentences.
The other big thing was some fluctuating in the tenses between present and past.
You need to keep working until your 70 - you're.
John new this meant he would have his normal work - knew.
Is this God's will, or is this my will? - this is the age old question. Although I have quite a few Christian friends who would find it indistinguishable given that if you truly walk with God it is one and the same...
Well, who knows where the road travelled will take one?
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 09-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
-
Thank you for your review. I truly appreciate it. I had a feeling about the fluctuating tenses, I swear that is my nemesis. I will look again and see what I can do. I went over it so many times too. Can you give me an alternate method to eliminate the use of John all the time?. I do not want to use 'he' all the time either. I will fix those other errors. How did I miss those? Thank you again, much appreciated.
-
Yeah, It's difficult to get away from the repeating of he/John but using slightly different sentence structures can help on occasion. John walked away and sat down at his PC - could be 'Walking away, John sat down at his pc' for example.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the 'What Are You Afraid Of' writing prompt.
Well written, well said. A strong and clear story.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
|
I think this is a good entry for the 'What Are You Afraid Of' writing prompt.
Well written, well said. A strong and clear story.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 09-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
-
Thank you so much for your review and kind words. I really appreciate it.
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Mystery: I'm glad you are on FS and writing. Fear and faith are opposites.
Remember, Phil 4:13 - I can do with Christ - go for it. God does provide
and you get friends on this site, too. I like your story. Keep writing.
Great songs and Bible verses are added in. Nothing is impossible.
flylikeaneagle - nancy
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
|
Mystery: I'm glad you are on FS and writing. Fear and faith are opposites.
Remember, Phil 4:13 - I can do with Christ - go for it. God does provide
and you get friends on this site, too. I like your story. Keep writing.
Great songs and Bible verses are added in. Nothing is impossible.
flylikeaneagle - nancy
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
-
Thank you so much for your review and kind words. I truly appreciate it.
Comment from Sis Cat
Excellent. I concur with John that FanStory is a blessing, and I thank God and you all for this. It has been a lifesaver for those wanting to explore writing. It is seldom that I read a story that combines faith and FanStory with this website being an answer to prayers. One of the things I like was when John brushed off his old writings and posted them on FanStory for feedback. I have down that myself, and it feels me with joy to know that I have talent and can do something with it.
Your writing style is like that of a religious parable. It is clear and direct. John's faith is deep and intimate. I can hear him praying to God and God answering encouragingly: Have faith my child. Have I not always provided for you? Have I not always been there for you, even when you were not looking for me?
Your narrative has an arc that goes from John being lost and hopeful of retirement to finding his true passion and a place to share it. You conclude:
John is not out of the woods yet but he has a plan now. He understands it will take some time, some work, and some investment. His biggest asset though is his faith in God. With God, all things are possible.
This is a fine story on overcoming fear through faith.
The only error is that Social Security should be capitalized.
Thank you for sharing. I wish you contest success. Have a blessed day.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
|
Excellent. I concur with John that FanStory is a blessing, and I thank God and you all for this. It has been a lifesaver for those wanting to explore writing. It is seldom that I read a story that combines faith and FanStory with this website being an answer to prayers. One of the things I like was when John brushed off his old writings and posted them on FanStory for feedback. I have down that myself, and it feels me with joy to know that I have talent and can do something with it.
Your writing style is like that of a religious parable. It is clear and direct. John's faith is deep and intimate. I can hear him praying to God and God answering encouragingly: Have faith my child. Have I not always provided for you? Have I not always been there for you, even when you were not looking for me?
Your narrative has an arc that goes from John being lost and hopeful of retirement to finding his true passion and a place to share it. You conclude:
John is not out of the woods yet but he has a plan now. He understands it will take some time, some work, and some investment. His biggest asset though is his faith in God. With God, all things are possible.
This is a fine story on overcoming fear through faith.
The only error is that Social Security should be capitalized.
Thank you for sharing. I wish you contest success. Have a blessed day.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
-
Thank you so much for your review and kind words. And thank you for the tip on capitalization for SS. I truly appreciate it.
