Unleashed Chaos
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "Secrets and Betrayal/Part Three"A Novel of the Breedline Series
7 total reviews
Comment from Ricky1024
The chapter of the book reline was very well written rich and seems Wells imagery it flowed well read well with no grammar issues as well as descriptive measures wine perfectly thanks for this doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018
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The chapter of the book reline was very well written rich and seems Wells imagery it flowed well read well with no grammar issues as well as descriptive measures wine perfectly thanks for this doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 12-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018
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Thank you, Ricky :)
Good to hear you enjoyed another chapter. Your feedback is very uplifting and motivating. Thanks so much!
Sincerely,
Shana
Comment from ngage
Shana, the length of your chapter was absolutely fine. It kept me captivated all the way to the end.
I definitely enjoyed the romance between Tim and Angel. You did a wonderful job of keeping it tasteful while heating up the pages.
Now that Arius has made his way back to the Breedline, obviously missing Natalie, I am worried about Sebastian's next move.
Another superb chapter. Adored the photo.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
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Shana, the length of your chapter was absolutely fine. It kept me captivated all the way to the end.
I definitely enjoyed the romance between Tim and Angel. You did a wonderful job of keeping it tasteful while heating up the pages.
Now that Arius has made his way back to the Breedline, obviously missing Natalie, I am worried about Sebastian's next move.
Another superb chapter. Adored the photo.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
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Thank you my dear friend! :)
So glad you mentioned about the length being okay with you. I get worried. Some people have been complaining about long chapters. But its hard not to have more than a few pages. Its a novel. Most books have 4-10 pages in a chapter.
Your feedback always puts a big smile on my face. You're awesome!
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from apky
This chapter was intense, full of tension and action at every twist and turn. The love scene is tender and wonderful, with great taste in your choice of words and action. You nailed it again, milady! But I've come to expect nothing less than brilliance from you.
Really exceptional!
Eve panicked and ran upstairs to her twins(twins') nursery.
Eve quickly turned away, shielding her eyes from the brilliant glow casting off (you really don't need this, so delete-of) Arius.
"No!" Eve screamed, frantically reaching into the empty crib. "Arius!" ~ you need a double line break here, to indicate "change of scene" so that the reader need not stop to stop to figure it out and adjust. The double line break "adjusts" the reader and them know they're in a new scene)
taking her up so close to her peak until her breaths were coming fast and shallow. ~ make the "breaths" breath, "were coming" to simply "came out").
He knew how to touch her and(use "with" instead of "and") just the right amount of pressure
Ever fondly,
Aki
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
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This chapter was intense, full of tension and action at every twist and turn. The love scene is tender and wonderful, with great taste in your choice of words and action. You nailed it again, milady! But I've come to expect nothing less than brilliance from you.
Really exceptional!
Eve panicked and ran upstairs to her twins(twins') nursery.
Eve quickly turned away, shielding her eyes from the brilliant glow casting off (you really don't need this, so delete-of) Arius.
"No!" Eve screamed, frantically reaching into the empty crib. "Arius!" ~ you need a double line break here, to indicate "change of scene" so that the reader need not stop to stop to figure it out and adjust. The double line break "adjusts" the reader and them know they're in a new scene)
taking her up so close to her peak until her breaths were coming fast and shallow. ~ make the "breaths" breath, "were coming" to simply "came out").
He knew how to touch her and(use "with" instead of "and") just the right amount of pressure
Ever fondly,
Aki
Comment Written 09-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much! :)
I can always count on you for helpful and needed advice. I knew I needed it in this chapter. You are awesome!
Glad you enjoyed the romance. I try my best to keep it tasteful. My first book is a little raw, so after complaints, I try to calm it down a bit.
Always your fan,
Shana :)
Comment from Sharon Haiste
Another good chapter.
Very interesting and intriguing.
Your character remain good, your story strong.
The emotion and feelings come through rather well.
Well done.
Sharon
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
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Another good chapter.
Very interesting and intriguing.
Your character remain good, your story strong.
The emotion and feelings come through rather well.
Well done.
Sharon
Comment Written 09-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
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Thank you, Sharon :)
I'm so blessed to have your support. Your feedback is generous and very motivating. I can't thank you enough!
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from Natali Holden
You are such a talented author! I mostly write poems, but I want to write novels. It's actually why I started writing. I'm just wondering if you have any tips about writing novels, because I would love to be able to write as awesomely as you do. Can't wait for more! Keep up the awesome writing!
Natali ;)
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
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You are such a talented author! I mostly write poems, but I want to write novels. It's actually why I started writing. I'm just wondering if you have any tips about writing novels, because I would love to be able to write as awesomely as you do. Can't wait for more! Keep up the awesome writing!
Natali ;)
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
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Oh Natali... you are the sweetest! :)
Its kind friends like you that keeps me so motivated to write. You give me positive energy, and I need it. I'm very blessed to have you follow my story.
Sure, I would love to help you out in any way I can. This is the third book I have written, and working on number four. I'm going to be honest. I had no idea how to write anything. No classes, and I suck at punctuation, grammar, and sentence structure. But I do read a lot. So before I started to write my first series... I had this wonderful idea of a romance story. It was something I pretended for myself. Haha! It was supposed to be just a normal story about a woman in her mid-thirties that had the worst luck with men. (Me!) Tessa just got out of a bad relationship and was just about to give up on love period until... she met this gorgeous ( and ten years younger)man named Jace. As I put the story together, it seemed to be just like all the other romance novels. So since I love fantasy, and wolves, I made the story with a bit more imagination. I sat down and created a secret world that existed in our normal everyday human world. As I started to write, I thought about other characters that would fit in with my main characters, and made up supernatural creatures.
Other than that, it just came to me as I began to write. As I finish each book, the next one always gets better. If you are planning on doing a series... write them before you get any of them published. I go back and read my first book and cringe because I'm such a better writer now. I learned you can always make the story better. I plan to go back and rewrite it. But... its still out there and readers will judge your story by the first series.
If you ever need to ask questions... please fill free to email me. I wish I had someone to help me out with tips. I'm not a professional, but I have learned a lot along the way. Sorry if I'm rambling. LOL! My email is shanacongrove@yahoo.com
Thank you!
Shana :)
Comment from CSChollie
Wow! You are very creative and your love descriptions are wonderful. I'm at a disadvantage by not reading it from the beginning. The only problem that I had when reading is the back and forth POV. I have problems with this also. However, having said that, POV might not be something you care about. I think you have a winner here. Keep it coming.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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Wow! You are very creative and your love descriptions are wonderful. I'm at a disadvantage by not reading it from the beginning. The only problem that I had when reading is the back and forth POV. I have problems with this also. However, having said that, POV might not be something you care about. I think you have a winner here. Keep it coming.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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Thank you! :)
So glad you enjoyed the chapter and the romance. My story has many characters and a lot of action going on within the story. POV is not something I really worry about. Of course I learn from everyone here, and it has helped my writing.
Thanks again for taking the time to read my chapter.
Shana :)
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Again this chapter is well done, well said, fantasy plenty, a fantastic and interesting read, thank you for sharing this with us. Keep writing. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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Again this chapter is well done, well said, fantasy plenty, a fantastic and interesting read, thank you for sharing this with us. Keep writing. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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Thank you, DR ALCREATOR :)
Awesome to hear you enjoyed another chapter! Thanks so much for reading my chapters. You're a gem!
Shana :)
