Beam Me Up, Scotty
Capt. Kirk and John Wayne find each other in the setting sun8 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This is so clever. It looks like it was fun. It makes the reader wonder, if they are a writer, what two characters they 'd choose. When I was perusing the possibles, I thought I might choose these same two. funny, huh?
You kept you dialogue consistent with the role each character was playing. You handled you dialogue well. there was never a question as to who was speaking. You used the cultural terminology and cadence well. Each behavior has good follow-through. And your imagery is quite entertaining. Well written.
reply by the author on 21-May-2018
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This is so clever. It looks like it was fun. It makes the reader wonder, if they are a writer, what two characters they 'd choose. When I was perusing the possibles, I thought I might choose these same two. funny, huh?
You kept you dialogue consistent with the role each character was playing. You handled you dialogue well. there was never a question as to who was speaking. You used the cultural terminology and cadence well. Each behavior has good follow-through. And your imagery is quite entertaining. Well written.
Comment Written 04-May-2018
reply by the author on 21-May-2018
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Bless you, another awesome review. I'm speechless right now and that's a feat in itself.
lulube
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
There's a few issues with this piece in terms of the characters you've chosen and accuracy. I noted them down -
From around a huge bolder - boulder.
You mix your tenses up here. you start using was but then change to is which is past to present.
Capt. Kirk snaps his receiver - communicator, you do this a couple of times.
is putting it in his pants' pocket - really pedantic here but he wears it on a belt or the waistband of his trousers.
appears from behind the bolder - boulder.
because of a wrong entry made into my receiver - receiver? maybe that should be transporter?
There's no need for a wise tail - tale.
Wayne replied / says Wayne - mixed tenses.
Lightning bolts flash through the sky and with a roll of thunder - that's not how the transporter works...
in the middle of the landing platform - that would be the transporter room.
Although widely quoted, 'Beam me up, Scotty' isn't uttered in the original series... just a useless fact there.
The back and forth is pretty good though.
GMG
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2018
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Hi there,
There's a few issues with this piece in terms of the characters you've chosen and accuracy. I noted them down -
From around a huge bolder - boulder.
You mix your tenses up here. you start using was but then change to is which is past to present.
Capt. Kirk snaps his receiver - communicator, you do this a couple of times.
is putting it in his pants' pocket - really pedantic here but he wears it on a belt or the waistband of his trousers.
appears from behind the bolder - boulder.
because of a wrong entry made into my receiver - receiver? maybe that should be transporter?
There's no need for a wise tail - tale.
Wayne replied / says Wayne - mixed tenses.
Lightning bolts flash through the sky and with a roll of thunder - that's not how the transporter works...
in the middle of the landing platform - that would be the transporter room.
Although widely quoted, 'Beam me up, Scotty' isn't uttered in the original series... just a useless fact there.
The back and forth is pretty good though.
GMG
Comment Written 09-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2018
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Thxs for your time in correcting my spelling errors and my wrong use of names for the star trek components. I was concentrating on the conversation at hand for my entry in the contest. Had I known that I should have been more specific with the surroundings and apparatuses used, I would have done an extensive research for the specific names. I am aware that there was no lightning or thunder in any of the tv shows that I have watched on star trek, but it was my version of the scenario for their conversation to take place in, not using specific star trek features as the story. I do appreciate your time to list the correct names and I will be more specific in my writing if I ever choose to use a character that is in a cult type of science fiction tv/movie show, again. thxs for your comments
lulube
Comment from Dan Diego
Bravo! I did not expect that ending. You got me. I created the contest and just wanted to make sure I read everybody's entry once and to check on compliance. I think you nailed this. Great job. Very creative. Nice twist. See you in the voting booth.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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Bravo! I did not expect that ending. You got me. I created the contest and just wanted to make sure I read everybody's entry once and to check on compliance. I think you nailed this. Great job. Very creative. Nice twist. See you in the voting booth.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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thank you so much for this awesome review. I had a lot of fun writing this one. thank you for your generous comments.
Comment from kiwisteveh
Five stars for the ending if nothing else.
Although I found some of the writing a little awkward in places, I did enjoy the basic situation you created with both men being puzzled and confused. You also dod well in recreating appropriate language for each character.
Now I wonder if Captain Kirk knows how to ride a horse - seems he's just inherited a ranch!
Steve
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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Five stars for the ending if nothing else.
Although I found some of the writing a little awkward in places, I did enjoy the basic situation you created with both men being puzzled and confused. You also dod well in recreating appropriate language for each character.
Now I wonder if Captain Kirk knows how to ride a horse - seems he's just inherited a ranch!
Steve
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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lol nice comments and love your ending. thxs for your time and review
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
LOL! Good choice of characters. First time John Wayne ever got bested, and he'll probably lose confidence as a result. "Beam me up, Scotty" is the last thing he heard. He'll go around repeating it and waiting for lightning. Folks will think he's lost his mind, and all because Kirk hit a wrong button. Sad. :)
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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LOL! Good choice of characters. First time John Wayne ever got bested, and he'll probably lose confidence as a result. "Beam me up, Scotty" is the last thing he heard. He'll go around repeating it and waiting for lightning. Folks will think he's lost his mind, and all because Kirk hit a wrong button. Sad. :)
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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What a great take on this write thank you for sharing it. lol and for your review
Comment from Dean Kuch
I'll bet'cha Mr. Wayne will wanna trade places with Captain Kirk in a Clingon minute once Scotty and the Enterprise crew are made aware of their mistake.
I'm sure the Duke would much prefer sage brush, cactus flowers, and saloon damsels all dolled up, to anything on board that ship.
I'm with the Dukester on that one!
Great story, very funny just imagining these two having a conversation taking place between them.
Good luck!
~Dean
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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I'll bet'cha Mr. Wayne will wanna trade places with Captain Kirk in a Clingon minute once Scotty and the Enterprise crew are made aware of their mistake.
I'm sure the Duke would much prefer sage brush, cactus flowers, and saloon damsels all dolled up, to anything on board that ship.
I'm with the Dukester on that one!
Great story, very funny just imagining these two having a conversation taking place between them.
Good luck!
~Dean
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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What an awesome response to this story, Dean. I thank you and especially for the luck.
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My pleasure. :)
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
Truly this is one unlikely pair LOL. This meets the contest requirements beautifully and I have to say that of the ones I have read so far this is the most 'heated' as the others seem kind of iffy in that department. Funny the Duke called Kirk a shortie since John Wayne was not a very tall man himself. All the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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Truly this is one unlikely pair LOL. This meets the contest requirements beautifully and I have to say that of the ones I have read so far this is the most 'heated' as the others seem kind of iffy in that department. Funny the Duke called Kirk a shortie since John Wayne was not a very tall man himself. All the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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thank you for your awesome comments on this story.
Comment from zekeziemann
John Wayne can handle it, don't worry. Fun and interesting take on the "old" and "new" for lack of better terms. Well done and entertaining.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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John Wayne can handle it, don't worry. Fun and interesting take on the "old" and "new" for lack of better terms. Well done and entertaining.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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thank you for your time and for your great comments in this review. glad you enjoyed it.
