Short
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The Last Case"Shorter stories
26 total reviews
Comment from nomi338
Frustration can do that to a guy. I only needed 6 months to get another stripe, with 20 months no write up or any othertype of disciplinary actions against me, my Co said I could not explain to me why I could not get a promotion.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2023
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Frustration can do that to a guy. I only needed 6 months to get another stripe, with 20 months no write up or any othertype of disciplinary actions against me, my Co said I could not explain to me why I could not get a promotion.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2023
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Thanks for giving this a look, nomi.
Comment from Earl Corp
I'm going to try to read all the short stories in this book but I know it will take some time. Great wist to this one. Good luck with this endeavor. Thank you for sharing this with us.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2022
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I'm going to try to read all the short stories in this book but I know it will take some time. Great wist to this one. Good luck with this endeavor. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2022
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Thanks, Earl
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Thanks, Earl
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was really good, and really creepy. So they were both ghosts, I did think the man might have been dead, and I also thought the girl was the one that killed him ... first! Wolf just made sure of it! Lol. That was a good one for the contest, I'm surprised it doesn't have the #winner# ribbon at the bottom. :( Well done again. Sandra xx
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2022
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That was really good, and really creepy. So they were both ghosts, I did think the man might have been dead, and I also thought the girl was the one that killed him ... first! Wolf just made sure of it! Lol. That was a good one for the contest, I'm surprised it doesn't have the #winner# ribbon at the bottom. :( Well done again. Sandra xx
Comment Written 27-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2022
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Thank you, Sandra. Most readers didn*t understand what was happening.
Comment from apky
Hello Bill,
This story definitely deserved a six, which I'm unfortunately out of right now.
The story pulled me in by subject matter and once I started reading I couldn't stop. You have a lot of action and a fine pace clipping away as the officers do their duty. I only stopped once, at the very end, with creased brows. Sheet? What was the "sheet", Bill? I'm afraid I'm often poor in American expressions...
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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Hello Bill,
This story definitely deserved a six, which I'm unfortunately out of right now.
The story pulled me in by subject matter and once I started reading I couldn't stop. You have a lot of action and a fine pace clipping away as the officers do their duty. I only stopped once, at the very end, with creased brows. Sheet? What was the "sheet", Bill? I'm afraid I'm often poor in American expressions...
Comment Written 20-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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Wolf saw a child and an active bad guy. Both were his imagination, as the man on the floor was a long dead vagrant and there was no child to be saved. Years of losing young victims and no perceived justice had pushed him to this point.
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Thanks for the explanation, Bill, I truly appreciate it.
Comment from tfawcus
This is a story with a couple of unusual twists to keep your readers interested. I like the repartee between the Sergeant and the Lieutenant and there's some good internal dialogue here, too, to flesh out the main character.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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This is a story with a couple of unusual twists to keep your readers interested. I like the repartee between the Sergeant and the Lieutenant and there's some good internal dialogue here, too, to flesh out the main character.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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Thanks, Tony.
Comment from robyn corum
Bill, (3)
Hmmm.... nice job. It's so stinking hard to tell a COMPLETE story in so few words, but you more than pulled that off, here, adding depth and layers that were definitely unexpected. Kudos!
I did spot some places that may warrant a second glance, perhaps? See what you think:
1.) "Roger that, L.T." With that, Sgt. Wolf
--> just checking. I've never heard anyone refer to a lieutenant as 'L.T.' before
(On paper, maybe, but orally?)
--> also, repeating 'that' in those two sentences
2.) "Cover me!" Wolf shouted, as the sergeant bolted directly up
--> "Cover me!" Wolf shouted, as (he) bolted directly up
--> otherwise, sounds like two different guys
3.) 'front' used twice close together here:
--> moved past them to the front of the house. --plus--
--> Near the front window,
4.) some type of linen. It could have been a tablecloth
--> I thought this was particularly interesting. You have an opportunity to IMPLY something bigger here, depending on the item you choose. A moment to add underlying meaning, messages or emphasis.
--> but a tablecloth only seems to represent food to me in this instance-- just a thought
--> he could be holding a dirty, bloody towel -- and/or -- the item's true state could be revealed. Example- looked like pristine white sheet, when he comes to himself he realizes it's that dirty towel. Just ideas.
5.) He was wearing what looked like a warmup suit,
--> you don't have to be vague:
a.) Wolf was there and actually saw it, right? -and-
b.) you're the writer/creator!! It's whatever you say! Ha!
6.) Head back against the wall, he seemed lifeless.
--> avoid 'seem/seems/ seemed' whenever possible. It's passive and vague.
--> was he lifeless or not?
7.) Looking at the bundle in his arms, Sergeant Wolf saw the smiling faces of dozens of failed rescues,
--> why would FAILED rescues be smiling?
--> I see what you're doing but don't think you're quite there yet ??
I hope something here may help. I certainly don't want to offend.
Please do let me know if you decide to edit.
Good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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Bill, (3)
Hmmm.... nice job. It's so stinking hard to tell a COMPLETE story in so few words, but you more than pulled that off, here, adding depth and layers that were definitely unexpected. Kudos!
I did spot some places that may warrant a second glance, perhaps? See what you think:
1.) "Roger that, L.T." With that, Sgt. Wolf
--> just checking. I've never heard anyone refer to a lieutenant as 'L.T.' before
(On paper, maybe, but orally?)
--> also, repeating 'that' in those two sentences
2.) "Cover me!" Wolf shouted, as the sergeant bolted directly up
--> "Cover me!" Wolf shouted, as (he) bolted directly up
--> otherwise, sounds like two different guys
3.) 'front' used twice close together here:
--> moved past them to the front of the house. --plus--
--> Near the front window,
4.) some type of linen. It could have been a tablecloth
--> I thought this was particularly interesting. You have an opportunity to IMPLY something bigger here, depending on the item you choose. A moment to add underlying meaning, messages or emphasis.
--> but a tablecloth only seems to represent food to me in this instance-- just a thought
--> he could be holding a dirty, bloody towel -- and/or -- the item's true state could be revealed. Example- looked like pristine white sheet, when he comes to himself he realizes it's that dirty towel. Just ideas.
5.) He was wearing what looked like a warmup suit,
--> you don't have to be vague:
a.) Wolf was there and actually saw it, right? -and-
b.) you're the writer/creator!! It's whatever you say! Ha!
6.) Head back against the wall, he seemed lifeless.
--> avoid 'seem/seems/ seemed' whenever possible. It's passive and vague.
--> was he lifeless or not?
7.) Looking at the bundle in his arms, Sergeant Wolf saw the smiling faces of dozens of failed rescues,
--> why would FAILED rescues be smiling?
--> I see what you're doing but don't think you're quite there yet ??
I hope something here may help. I certainly don't want to offend.
Please do let me know if you decide to edit.
Good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2018
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It?s guise common to say LT in both law enforcement and the military. It can be either a sign of friendship or one of disrespect. Here, I use it to sho2 Wolf?s acknowledgement of his friend?s command, as well as subtle disrespect.
I?ll get Wolf through that door somed@y. I?ve edited that entry two or three times to serve reade4 confusion. C?mon, Wolf.
The ?vagueness? in descriptions serves my image of the sergeant?s foggy sense of reality. There?s no child, no threat from the dead man, but sever@l failed fescues with dead children piled up in his head.
Thanks for giving this th3 once over, Robyn.
Comment from Zue65
I enjoy reading short flash fiction primarily because your time is not wasted by lengthy turn of events. For a busy reader stealing precious hours from work, flash fiction is truly a relief. You did well here telling a full story with all its elements in too few words. Very well done.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2018
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I enjoy reading short flash fiction primarily because your time is not wasted by lengthy turn of events. For a busy reader stealing precious hours from work, flash fiction is truly a relief. You did well here telling a full story with all its elements in too few words. Very well done.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2018
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Thanks, nassus, for giving this a look. Bill
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Bill. Now I may be way off base, but I am interpreting your story to be this: The house is abandoned with a dead perp in it. The "girl" is the spirit of all those whose rescues have failed in the past. There is no girl rescued here. It's all in Oscar's mind. He plugged a dead perp but that's Oscar's satisfaction. I enjoyed reading this. Marilyn
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2018
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Hi Bill. Now I may be way off base, but I am interpreting your story to be this: The house is abandoned with a dead perp in it. The "girl" is the spirit of all those whose rescues have failed in the past. There is no girl rescued here. It's all in Oscar's mind. He plugged a dead perp but that's Oscar's satisfaction. I enjoyed reading this. Marilyn
Comment Written 12-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2018
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Right, right, and correct-o-mundo. Most didn't see that plot line. Thanks for giving it a look see. Bill
Comment from pbomar1115
I love the cleverly written piece. It tells how an experienced officer who is looked over time and time again for promotion. While on a case, Wolfe flawed behavior is shown. This piece sheds light on the flawed policemen in our society. The problem and resolution are plausible. Great story, Bill.
Phillip
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2018
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I love the cleverly written piece. It tells how an experienced officer who is looked over time and time again for promotion. While on a case, Wolfe flawed behavior is shown. This piece sheds light on the flawed policemen in our society. The problem and resolution are plausible. Great story, Bill.
Phillip
Comment Written 10-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2018
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Thanks, Phillip, for the terrific review. Bill
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You're welcome, Bill.
Phillip
Comment from Thesis
Wow, that story went from a rescue to showing a Sergeant who completely lost it. The description of the faces of those he was unable to rescue in the past was moving, but in the end when he tosses the sheet to the ground, it was time for him to retire.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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Wow, that story went from a rescue to showing a Sergeant who completely lost it. The description of the faces of those he was unable to rescue in the past was moving, but in the end when he tosses the sheet to the ground, it was time for him to retire.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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Thanks, Thesis, for the positive review.
