Who's There?
Welcome.12 total reviews
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements splendidly by beginning with the appropriate opening line and following it through the story line. Interesting twist on this one having the culprit be on the investigation team. Poor Carl! All the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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This meets the contest requirements splendidly by beginning with the appropriate opening line and following it through the story line. Interesting twist on this one having the culprit be on the investigation team. Poor Carl! All the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Thanks so much.
Comment from wordsfromsue
Oi, remind me not to make you angry!!
Creepy, nicely laid out, well written. Lots of tension. I always thought I liked crime fiction, but my wussy self is getting too squeamish for it, anymore. :-)
I hope you do well in the contest with this great piece.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Oi, remind me not to make you angry!!
Creepy, nicely laid out, well written. Lots of tension. I always thought I liked crime fiction, but my wussy self is getting too squeamish for it, anymore. :-)
I hope you do well in the contest with this great piece.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Thanks much. It was a bit gross, I admit!
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the 'She Didn't Lock Her Door' writing prompt.
A good story, well told.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the 'She Didn't Lock Her Door' writing prompt.
A good story, well told.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Thanks much!
Comment from Dean Kuch
Ummm. It would seem to me that any man--or woman, for that matter--might wanna be careful what they say to darling, sweet Flora.
Female serial killers are very rare, but they exist.
A series on Showtime called "Dexter" featured a forensics blood splatter expert who was a serial killer of sorts, but was male.
This story just goes to prove that you might wanna watch what you say to others, even if they are drop dead gorgeous with looks to kill.
Best of luck to you!
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Ummm. It would seem to me that any man--or woman, for that matter--might wanna be careful what they say to darling, sweet Flora.
Female serial killers are very rare, but they exist.
A series on Showtime called "Dexter" featured a forensics blood splatter expert who was a serial killer of sorts, but was male.
This story just goes to prove that you might wanna watch what you say to others, even if they are drop dead gorgeous with looks to kill.
Best of luck to you!
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Thanks much, my friend.
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Anytime.
Comment from nor84
I wanted to give you a heads-up review. The contest rules require the first sentence of an entry to start with these words: 'She didn't lock her door...
Those are not the opening words of your entry, but maybe you have time to fix it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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I wanted to give you a heads-up review. The contest rules require the first sentence of an entry to start with these words: 'She didn't lock her door...
Those are not the opening words of your entry, but maybe you have time to fix it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Oh gosh, I surely thought that I used those words. Thanks, I was likely thrown out of the contest. Tore up my leg a bit and have not been feeling well so I hadn't looked yet. Thanks for trying to help!
Comment from Dan Diego
Reviewed in the blind. Nice little entry in the "She left the door open" contest. It was easy to follow the narration. I thought the story elements were all there; beginning, middle, and end. You chose a surprise ending, making the killer a part of the team. There's a lot to like here.
On my second read, though, I did pause at a few continuity problems. For example,
You wrote: "Footsteps echoed in the silent hallway..."
I think I knew what you were going for, but if a hallway is silent, then footsteps won't be heard. I know I'm nitpicking, but mystery readers look for clues and fair play. I felt you might have wanted to create an eerie image in the reader's mind by starting with a silent hallway and then you had to add the police, so maybe, "Footsteps echoed in the dark hallway." I don't know.
I also felt the story was written as if it was spoken word. That's a good thing. It's almost as if you, the writer, were typing the thoughts as they occurred in your mind. This did add a voice to the story.
I think, overall, this could do well in the competition without consideration of my feedback. I do wish you well in the voting booth.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Reviewed in the blind. Nice little entry in the "She left the door open" contest. It was easy to follow the narration. I thought the story elements were all there; beginning, middle, and end. You chose a surprise ending, making the killer a part of the team. There's a lot to like here.
On my second read, though, I did pause at a few continuity problems. For example,
You wrote: "Footsteps echoed in the silent hallway..."
I think I knew what you were going for, but if a hallway is silent, then footsteps won't be heard. I know I'm nitpicking, but mystery readers look for clues and fair play. I felt you might have wanted to create an eerie image in the reader's mind by starting with a silent hallway and then you had to add the police, so maybe, "Footsteps echoed in the dark hallway." I don't know.
I also felt the story was written as if it was spoken word. That's a good thing. It's almost as if you, the writer, were typing the thoughts as they occurred in your mind. This did add a voice to the story.
I think, overall, this could do well in the competition without consideration of my feedback. I do wish you well in the voting booth.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Thanks much and thanks for the great correction also.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This is a pretty well-worked piece. The circular nature of the door at the beginning and the end is a nice touch, but the first line feels a little disconnected, especially as it's separated out like that with nothing attached to it.
"Must have been a real expert", - comma should probably be inside the speech marks here.
'Yes, Flora thought, the person is an expert - Flora thought shouldn't be inside the marks.
Carl, lowered his camera - no need for the comma here.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Hi there,
This is a pretty well-worked piece. The circular nature of the door at the beginning and the end is a nice touch, but the first line feels a little disconnected, especially as it's separated out like that with nothing attached to it.
"Must have been a real expert", - comma should probably be inside the speech marks here.
'Yes, Flora thought, the person is an expert - Flora thought shouldn't be inside the marks.
Carl, lowered his camera - no need for the comma here.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 06-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Thanks so much for the great corrections. I haven't seen results-one person said I had the wrong opening line so I may have been thrown out by the seat of my pants-ha. Hurt my leg and have not been on the site much -will peek around and see what happened.
Comment from MissMerri
Wow... a gory and disturbing tale, for sure, but one that suits this prompt very well. I kinda wish I'd not read it so late in the evening. ;p Now I can't sleep. I didn't see any typos or errors of any kind so obviously you know how to write quite well. The story had subtlety and intrigue and a satisfying ending. I imagine it will do well in this contest. My best wishes.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
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Wow... a gory and disturbing tale, for sure, but one that suits this prompt very well. I kinda wish I'd not read it so late in the evening. ;p Now I can't sleep. I didn't see any typos or errors of any kind so obviously you know how to write quite well. The story had subtlety and intrigue and a satisfying ending. I imagine it will do well in this contest. My best wishes.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
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Thx so much. It is quite gory. Sweet dreams.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
This was an interesting piece. I do think you could have developed the story a BIT more since you had 1000 words to work with... but that's my own opinion. It seems you went directly to the point and then jumped out again. It would have been cool to see you dodge and weave a little, if you know what I'm talking about??
At any rate, it's a nice piece and should do well in the contest. Much luck for you!
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
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Dear Mystery Writer,
This was an interesting piece. I do think you could have developed the story a BIT more since you had 1000 words to work with... but that's my own opinion. It seems you went directly to the point and then jumped out again. It would have been cool to see you dodge and weave a little, if you know what I'm talking about??
At any rate, it's a nice piece and should do well in the contest. Much luck for you!
Comment Written 05-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
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I agree with u but started out having to try to get done in one day before time was extended so couldnt add more. Thanks for your thoughtful and observant teview.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Well done, a story that has a nice lesson for learning, though she was a simple girl in the habit of keeping her door open for friends, still she was missing; mystery remains. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
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Well done, a story that has a nice lesson for learning, though she was a simple girl in the habit of keeping her door open for friends, still she was missing; mystery remains. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 05-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
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Thanks for reading about this murderous woman and. Reviewing too.
