Going to the Party - Dialogue Only
A mature couple prepare for a night out.22 total reviews
Comment from zekeziemann
How typical and familiar to all married couples. IT is difficult to write dialogue only, but you managed to tell the story pretty well.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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How typical and familiar to all married couples. IT is difficult to write dialogue only, but you managed to tell the story pretty well.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for your review and kind words. I really appreciate it.
Comment from Thesis
I enjoyed the banter. If the reader isn't married - they won't get it. It's the subtle tones and the real meaning in the words that take a different tone, although they are meant. I can imagine this conversation in a thousand situations.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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I enjoyed the banter. If the reader isn't married - they won't get it. It's the subtle tones and the real meaning in the words that take a different tone, although they are meant. I can imagine this conversation in a thousand situations.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for your review. I really appreciate it. Yes, I never thought about how an unmarried person would take it. Very good point. Thank you.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there;
Thank you for sharing your entry in the Dialogue-Only contest. Yes, it is difficult to get ready to go somewhere when things aren't where we think they should be. The lines were natural, and it was easy to follow the conversation. Good luck in the contest,
~patty~
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Hi there;
Thank you for sharing your entry in the Dialogue-Only contest. Yes, it is difficult to get ready to go somewhere when things aren't where we think they should be. The lines were natural, and it was easy to follow the conversation. Good luck in the contest,
~patty~
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Thank you Patty so much for your review and kind words. I really appreciate it.
Comment from estory
I think the dialogue crackles with emotions here, the relationship between husband and wife comes alive in all its tensions and idiosynchracies, all the habits that grate on each other, and the struggle for control over the relationship comes through a bit. That's really the secret to digging into the characters and creating subtle tensions and pressure points in the relationship, and keeping the dialogue natural and honest and real life. Nice job estory
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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I think the dialogue crackles with emotions here, the relationship between husband and wife comes alive in all its tensions and idiosynchracies, all the habits that grate on each other, and the struggle for control over the relationship comes through a bit. That's really the secret to digging into the characters and creating subtle tensions and pressure points in the relationship, and keeping the dialogue natural and honest and real life. Nice job estory
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for your review and kind words. I really appreciate it.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
You did a fine job with this dialogue only piece. It has that distinct air of truth and reality behind it... very easily pictured and very well depicted.
best of luck to you.
GMG
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Hi there,
You did a fine job with this dialogue only piece. It has that distinct air of truth and reality behind it... very easily pictured and very well depicted.
best of luck to you.
GMG
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for your review and inspiring critique. I really appreciate it.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This sounds exactly like a couple going out. All of the bantering back and forth, the blame passing, it's very well written. You should do well in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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This sounds exactly like a couple going out. All of the bantering back and forth, the blame passing, it's very well written. You should do well in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Thank you very much Tom for your review and positive feedback. I truly appreciate it.
Comment from Dan Diego
Hi Dan. This is a nicely-written back and forth between husband and wife. Many members of FS will related to this. The dialogue is pretty universal. I always look for conflict in stories and here, it resides in Jim's forgetfulness. Not real high stakes, but enough to propel your readers though the marital stages of party preparation.
This wins on technical merit. I looked hard for spelling and grammar errors. And the dialogue only stories, really spotlight quote marks. You seem to have those under control.
One of the roles of dialogue in any story is to contribute to the plot. In order to do that, the writer must focus on words that move towards a goal. In this case, all of your dialogue pointed to the last line. In other words, all of your dialogue was pointed in the same direction.
There were really only two suggestions from my camp. "I know the husband called the wife "Babe" but you might drop her proper name in there every once in awhile (like Mary, or Judy.) Or not. In these short-shorts, we look for economy.
I would also like to suggest you scroll through it like your readers will. Take your time and you'll see that the spacing between paragraphs is a little inconsistent. There is no white space between some lines of dialogue. Now that is a knock on presentation and not writing, but still fair game. There are no rules against you going back in there and editing the spacing between paragraphs.
I think when you combine your narrative prose with this style of dialogue, things look pretty bright. Good luck in the booth. I hope this gets read.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Hi Dan. This is a nicely-written back and forth between husband and wife. Many members of FS will related to this. The dialogue is pretty universal. I always look for conflict in stories and here, it resides in Jim's forgetfulness. Not real high stakes, but enough to propel your readers though the marital stages of party preparation.
This wins on technical merit. I looked hard for spelling and grammar errors. And the dialogue only stories, really spotlight quote marks. You seem to have those under control.
One of the roles of dialogue in any story is to contribute to the plot. In order to do that, the writer must focus on words that move towards a goal. In this case, all of your dialogue pointed to the last line. In other words, all of your dialogue was pointed in the same direction.
There were really only two suggestions from my camp. "I know the husband called the wife "Babe" but you might drop her proper name in there every once in awhile (like Mary, or Judy.) Or not. In these short-shorts, we look for economy.
I would also like to suggest you scroll through it like your readers will. Take your time and you'll see that the spacing between paragraphs is a little inconsistent. There is no white space between some lines of dialogue. Now that is a knock on presentation and not writing, but still fair game. There are no rules against you going back in there and editing the spacing between paragraphs.
I think when you combine your narrative prose with this style of dialogue, things look pretty bright. Good luck in the booth. I hope this gets read.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Thank you very much Dan for an excellent review. I will definitely go back in there and see what I can do. Thank you again so much.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
You two have a much easier time of it than Mark and I ever did. My hubby is famous for gettng lost within two blocks of our house. Before we went anywhere, I had to print out a detailed set of instructions from Mapquest and go over ever turn with him. He would still argue that a turn was wrong, since buildings change so often here that landmarks are useless. Thanks to GPS, we no longer get lost! :)
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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You two have a much easier time of it than Mark and I ever did. My hubby is famous for gettng lost within two blocks of our house. Before we went anywhere, I had to print out a detailed set of instructions from Mapquest and go over ever turn with him. He would still argue that a turn was wrong, since buildings change so often here that landmarks are useless. Thanks to GPS, we no longer get lost! :)
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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LOL. Thank you so much Phyllis for your review and great rating. I am glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks in dialogue only going to the party at Dagnabbit; the couple reached there, it was an easy affairs wish a happy birthday to Joy; simply stated; I liked. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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This speaks in dialogue only going to the party at Dagnabbit; the couple reached there, it was an easy affairs wish a happy birthday to Joy; simply stated; I liked. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Thank you very much for your review and critique. I really appreciate it.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
This is a good entry for the 'Dialogue Only' writing prompt.
Well written and easy to follow. Well done.
Good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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This is a good entry for the 'Dialogue Only' writing prompt.
Well written and easy to follow. Well done.
Good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Thank you very much for your review and encouraging words. I really appreciate it.
