While I'm Sleeping
Dance of Death - Macabre17 total reviews
Comment from Katie Solis
I like your work, my favorite is the last stanza. I also enjoy the music that accompanies your work, I have loved The Phantom of the Opera since I was a young child. "I dance unsettled plight", it feels as though the line is there so that it might rhyme with night. It is not totally outside the narrative of the poem, but does not have the same smoothness to it as the surrounding lines. I really enjoy the imagery you put into this work through your descriptions, and I really liked the way you personified Rigor Mortis. Good job.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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I like your work, my favorite is the last stanza. I also enjoy the music that accompanies your work, I have loved The Phantom of the Opera since I was a young child. "I dance unsettled plight", it feels as though the line is there so that it might rhyme with night. It is not totally outside the narrative of the poem, but does not have the same smoothness to it as the surrounding lines. I really enjoy the imagery you put into this work through your descriptions, and I really liked the way you personified Rigor Mortis. Good job.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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Thanks, you're entitled to your opinion. I see your new here. Welcome! A little tip, 4 stars is not a way to make friends around here. Have a nice day!
Comment from joycetreasures
Hello Kerri,
I like the music which definitely fit your written poem, "While I'm Sleeping." The image with the lady dancing with the lady fits your poem also. The 1st paragraph words rhymes nicely as you share the story of the woman dancing in a trance. The 2nd paragraph - The spirit comes into your dream, you don't like it, it wants you to come into his tomb (WOW) with all it's impurities. The 3rd paragraph is very powerful. The spirit takes your hand and wants you to remain "brave". (Ghostly). This spirit is very persistent. The 4th paragraph - the signs of death is taking over the woman. I believe the spirit has won! All 4 paragraph have nice rhythmic flow. I like this poem. Thanks. Lots of energy throughout this poem.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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Hello Kerri,
I like the music which definitely fit your written poem, "While I'm Sleeping." The image with the lady dancing with the lady fits your poem also. The 1st paragraph words rhymes nicely as you share the story of the woman dancing in a trance. The 2nd paragraph - The spirit comes into your dream, you don't like it, it wants you to come into his tomb (WOW) with all it's impurities. The 3rd paragraph is very powerful. The spirit takes your hand and wants you to remain "brave". (Ghostly). This spirit is very persistent. The 4th paragraph - the signs of death is taking over the woman. I believe the spirit has won! All 4 paragraph have nice rhythmic flow. I like this poem. Thanks. Lots of energy throughout this poem.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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Thank you so much for your kind comments, I'm happy you enjoyed it. I appreciate the read and review.
Comment from Wetbelly01
Darn!... Just when I thought it was safe to come out from under the bed...
I come across a piece like this... I LIKE IT!...
Smooth flow and rhyme to it... Cool background music...
Didn't come across any 'glitches' along the way...
My compliments!... Gonna crawl back under the bed now!
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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Darn!... Just when I thought it was safe to come out from under the bed...
I come across a piece like this... I LIKE IT!...
Smooth flow and rhyme to it... Cool background music...
Didn't come across any 'glitches' along the way...
My compliments!... Gonna crawl back under the bed now!
Comment Written 21-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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lol, you're funny, Thanks so much for the kind review, my friend:)
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You're Very welcome!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Kerry,
You did a great job telling this 'story.' I like the use of alliteration, rhyme, & the smooth flow of your lines. All of those things create great imagery + the perfect picture adds even more to your well=chosen words. Good job & thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
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Kerry,
You did a great job telling this 'story.' I like the use of alliteration, rhyme, & the smooth flow of your lines. All of those things create great imagery + the perfect picture adds even more to your well=chosen words. Good job & thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 04-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much, Jan I appreciate your kind review:)
Comment from Commando
WOW! A great 'Horror and Thriller' posting, my dear friend. The artwork is awesome. However, the fellow you are dancing with--needs to gain weight. Just saying! Wish I had a Six Star. You are a commendable writer--toot, toot! Best wishes and keep 'a writing.
xx (JF)
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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WOW! A great 'Horror and Thriller' posting, my dear friend. The artwork is awesome. However, the fellow you are dancing with--needs to gain weight. Just saying! Wish I had a Six Star. You are a commendable writer--toot, toot! Best wishes and keep 'a writing.
xx (JF)
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Thanks, Bill, I certainly appreciative of your kindness and taking time to read and review.
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
That sounds so scary but if you're doing the dance I wonder what it's like. I definitely don't want to find out for many years but it is an interesting concept. You did a great job with this
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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That sounds so scary but if you're doing the dance I wonder what it's like. I definitely don't want to find out for many years but it is an interesting concept. You did a great job with this
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much, my friend, I appreciate it.
Comment from Mistydawn
What a dark eerie poem. So well-written descriptive it draws you in from the start and keeps you in suspense to the end. This would be a great introduction to a horror book, or maybe an overcast on a screenplay. Haunting music in the background a deep eerie voice reciting your poem, maybe even have a skull head on the screen. Dead bodies, caskets, tombstones floating behind him. What do you think? Great poem thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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What a dark eerie poem. So well-written descriptive it draws you in from the start and keeps you in suspense to the end. This would be a great introduction to a horror book, or maybe an overcast on a screenplay. Haunting music in the background a deep eerie voice reciting your poem, maybe even have a skull head on the screen. Dead bodies, caskets, tombstones floating behind him. What do you think? Great poem thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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I think that sounds awesomely eerie and very cool, Ya know I tried to add haunting background music, I always have trouble, it always says, file is to big. One of the things I wish to conquer in the new year. lol. Thanks, Misty:) Have a terrific year!
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You'll get it. Have a great year too.
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You too:))
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is an eerie and scary write and for adults only! If I thought about it long enough, if would give my nightmares for sure! A very unusual and clever write nevertheless, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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This is an eerie and scary write and for adults only! If I thought about it long enough, if would give my nightmares for sure! A very unusual and clever write nevertheless, love Dolly x
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much, Dolly, I appreciate it.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem about the dance of death in a dream and causing dismay in your mind. We will all be reluctant to dance along even when it is in our dreams. When the dance is done in your dream you can take a bow.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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A very well-written poem about the dance of death in a dream and causing dismay in your mind. We will all be reluctant to dance along even when it is in our dreams. When the dance is done in your dream you can take a bow.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Thank you, Sandra, You comments are much appreciated.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Kerry;
Such a dark poem. Although, in dreams, we can dance with the dead, or those that are dead to us. Your words took me into a place where anything was possible.
Well done,
~patty~
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Hi, Kerry;
Such a dark poem. Although, in dreams, we can dance with the dead, or those that are dead to us. Your words took me into a place where anything was possible.
Well done,
~patty~
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Thank so much, Patty, I appreciate it.
