Bittersweet Revenge
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Killer in our Town"She's back ready for revenge.
8 total reviews
Comment from Natali Holden
So far I am guessing either Rachel or Emma, or perhaps they are working together. The only thing is your books seem to point to someone and then it's someone else who just makes me like how can it be them? It makes me not want to guess the more obvious person, but who else am I going to guess? Excellent chapter!
Natali ;)
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2018
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So far I am guessing either Rachel or Emma, or perhaps they are working together. The only thing is your books seem to point to someone and then it's someone else who just makes me like how can it be them? It makes me not want to guess the more obvious person, but who else am I going to guess? Excellent chapter!
Natali ;)
Comment Written 13-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your great review. That's what I'm trying to do, keep you guys guessing who did it to the end.
Thanks again for your wonderful review, and all your support, it means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from apky
Well done, Misty. The only thing I can mention is that you need to write out the number of stabs or shots in letters, not numerals. It looks more professional that way. Something else I notice is that you never round off your characters' personality, make them 3-dimentional, not just male or female names.
Are you sure there isn't another desk(delete-,) I could use?
"Riga Mortis(Rigor mortis) hasn't set in, so I'd say it happened within the last three hours.
"Yes, the killer stabbed her Uncle 33(uncle thirty-three) times and then kidnapped Emma."
"She counted 33(thirty-three) wounds, why?"
"Max and Emma's Uncle was stabbed 33(thirty-three) times too."
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2017
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Well done, Misty. The only thing I can mention is that you need to write out the number of stabs or shots in letters, not numerals. It looks more professional that way. Something else I notice is that you never round off your characters' personality, make them 3-dimentional, not just male or female names.
Are you sure there isn't another desk(delete-,) I could use?
"Riga Mortis(Rigor mortis) hasn't set in, so I'd say it happened within the last three hours.
"Yes, the killer stabbed her Uncle 33(uncle thirty-three) times and then kidnapped Emma."
"She counted 33(thirty-three) wounds, why?"
"Max and Emma's Uncle was stabbed 33(thirty-three) times too."
Comment Written 23-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2017
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Thank you for your great review and for all of your help. I agree I think it does look better written out, but wouldn't that break the numerals after ten rule?
Thanks again for all your support, help it does mean a lot to me. Enjoy your holidays, take care.
Comment from royowen
One can't blame the murderer for doing what she's doing, is it Emma reborn, mysteriously vanished after murdering her Uncle, and others perhaps, it seems funny Lenny didn't try to fight her off. Perhaps he was scared "spitless" heh heh, Well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : Desk drawer for the last ten minute(s)
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2017
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One can't blame the murderer for doing what she's doing, is it Emma reborn, mysteriously vanished after murdering her Uncle, and others perhaps, it seems funny Lenny didn't try to fight her off. Perhaps he was scared "spitless" heh heh, Well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : Desk drawer for the last ten minute(s)
Comment Written 23-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for your nice review it's always greatly appreciated. So you think it's Emma. It could be. Then again t could be Rachel sometimes the most obvious is the one no one chooses. It could also be someone who hasn't been mentioned yet, lol.
Thak you again for all your help and support, I do appreciate it, Merry Christmas.
Sorry if this is a repeat, my internet went screwy for a second wasn't sure if you got it or not.
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Well done my friend
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Good solid continuation. Nice tension and perspective employed generally.
The receptacle opens with such force items scatter across the room - I get you don't want to repeat 'drawer' but this sounds odd. Keep it simple and just use it as you've established what 'it' is.
The captain glances at the paper. "Just the families- family's in this instance.
With everything, I've accomplished today - no need for the comma here.
Coughing, he watches massive layer of dust fall - Coughing he shouldn't be in italics. Also a massive layer.
Jerry recalls how frightened he was the last time he rode with Joe. "I probably don't." Chuckling, he continues, "I'll meet you there." Grabbing his jacket off the chair, Jerry heads towards the door.- this is a completely different change in perspective. up until now it's Joe and then an abrupt switch to Jerry.
Deviants, I swore I'd kill as a child - no need for the comma.
"Riga Mortis' hasn't set in, - remove the mark after mortis. It isn't necessary and there is no corresponding opening mark, no contraction or abbreviation.
stepping around the pool of dark liquid oozing from the victim - if the blood is still oozing from the body, he's only been dead a matter of minutes. If an artery has been cut a man would bleed out in minutes.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2017
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Hi there,
Good solid continuation. Nice tension and perspective employed generally.
The receptacle opens with such force items scatter across the room - I get you don't want to repeat 'drawer' but this sounds odd. Keep it simple and just use it as you've established what 'it' is.
The captain glances at the paper. "Just the families- family's in this instance.
With everything, I've accomplished today - no need for the comma here.
Coughing, he watches massive layer of dust fall - Coughing he shouldn't be in italics. Also a massive layer.
Jerry recalls how frightened he was the last time he rode with Joe. "I probably don't." Chuckling, he continues, "I'll meet you there." Grabbing his jacket off the chair, Jerry heads towards the door.- this is a completely different change in perspective. up until now it's Joe and then an abrupt switch to Jerry.
Deviants, I swore I'd kill as a child - no need for the comma.
"Riga Mortis' hasn't set in, - remove the mark after mortis. It isn't necessary and there is no corresponding opening mark, no contraction or abbreviation.
stepping around the pool of dark liquid oozing from the victim - if the blood is still oozing from the body, he's only been dead a matter of minutes. If an artery has been cut a man would bleed out in minutes.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for encouraging and always helpful review. I got the speech tags right now I need to work on those darned commas. My improvements seem to be coming at tortoise speed.
Thank you again for all your help, and support, take care.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
"Well, you did." She pushes the knife in deeper. "I want you to remember this the next time you think about raping a little girl."
WOW. POWERFUL stuff...I write poems which include this sort of topic and I know it makes some uncomfortable but it is the truth and it is also the truth that I would like to slit their throats just like that...I felt a sense of satisfaction at that, as I know the feeling myself the hurt and emotional damage it causes last a lifetime this is brilliantly written and deserves a six but I am all out...you write with confidence and style well done this was probably a hard write but it is just right. Kindest regards and seasons greetings Meia x
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2017
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"Well, you did." She pushes the knife in deeper. "I want you to remember this the next time you think about raping a little girl."
WOW. POWERFUL stuff...I write poems which include this sort of topic and I know it makes some uncomfortable but it is the truth and it is also the truth that I would like to slit their throats just like that...I felt a sense of satisfaction at that, as I know the feeling myself the hurt and emotional damage it causes last a lifetime this is brilliantly written and deserves a six but I am all out...you write with confidence and style well done this was probably a hard write but it is just right. Kindest regards and seasons greetings Meia x
Comment Written 22-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for your fantastic review and such inspiring words. I'm glad you could relate to the story, get some personal satisfaction but I'm sorry this happened to you. Your right it is a very touchy subject but it has to be broached otherwise victims will be too ashamed to come forward, rapists will be free to do it again.
Thank you so much for such a wonderful review, your encouraging words made my week, take care.
PS. If you liked what she did here you're going to love what's coming up. The killer gets very creative, lol.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello by Mistydawn
you are so clever with you twisting who the suspect could be and how you mentioning there were thirty three stab wounds with two of the the victims.
Now is that a clue for me to add to my other suspicious hints you gave us of who the murderer she is 33 years old.
Hope the Captain and Jerry locate Rachel's cousin Emma.
Gert
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2017
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Hello by Mistydawn
you are so clever with you twisting who the suspect could be and how you mentioning there were thirty three stab wounds with two of the the victims.
Now is that a clue for me to add to my other suspicious hints you gave us of who the murderer she is 33 years old.
Hope the Captain and Jerry locate Rachel's cousin Emma.
Gert
Comment Written 22-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for such a fantastic review, I'm thrilled that you think it deserves such high marks. You're a clever one picking up on the clue. Guess I'll have to work a little harder, be a little slicker to fool you.
Thank you again for such a wonderful review and for all your great praise, take care.
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Smiles you are welcome
Gert
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks the killer is in the town, detective is under the planned mode of investigation, continuous shadowing goes on, killer finds her victim target and finish him, grabs him; I like. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2017
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This speaks the killer is in the town, detective is under the planned mode of investigation, continuous shadowing goes on, killer finds her victim target and finish him, grabs him; I like. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 22-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for your kind review and your continuous support. It's always greatly appreciated. I'm glad you're enjoying the story and hope you'll stick around to the end. Do you have any idea who the killer might be? No worries if you don't, it's still very early in the book.
Thank you again for all your support, take care.
I've been meaning to ask you about your name.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
She's still at it, getting her revenge. I almost root for her, but then it HAS been a long time, and people change constantly. Do these men deserve what she's doing now? Maybe, maybe not, but nothing will convince her to forgive or forget! Good job. :)
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2017
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She's still at it, getting her revenge. I almost root for her, but then it HAS been a long time, and people change constantly. Do these men deserve what she's doing now? Maybe, maybe not, but nothing will convince her to forgive or forget! Good job. :)
Comment Written 22-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for your kind review. You almost root for her, huh. You realize this is the second serial killer, your favoring. I think my stories are bringing out your evil, dark side, the one you've suppressed for years. lol. Sweet lady by day, an evil murderer by night. Your hubby better look out, lol. How many times did you say you've been married? Just kidding.
Thank you again for your kind review and all your support, take care.
