The Buy
494 Words - Undercover Cop Buys Drugs20 total reviews
Comment from Dean Kuch
Dog gone it, Anonymous Author.
You kinda left us hangin' and now I wanna know more!
Who was the mysterious fat man Ricky the Wonder Weasel was jabberin' with?
Had Jack's cover somehow been compromised? If not, it certainly sounded a lot like it could'a been.
Would Jack make the buy and send Ricky to the Greybar Hotel?
Hopefully you'll continue with this story at a later date.
Good writing!
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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Dog gone it, Anonymous Author.
You kinda left us hangin' and now I wanna know more!
Who was the mysterious fat man Ricky the Wonder Weasel was jabberin' with?
Had Jack's cover somehow been compromised? If not, it certainly sounded a lot like it could'a been.
Would Jack make the buy and send Ricky to the Greybar Hotel?
Hopefully you'll continue with this story at a later date.
Good writing!
Comment Written 21-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2017
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Thank you Dean for your review. Yes, I may have left folks hanging a little more than intended. I wanted a cliff hanger, but .... Maybe a bit too much. I am glad you like it. I want to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
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You're more than welcome and the same to you.
~Dean :)
Comment from Lucian Carter
I like what's here. It just doesn't feel complete.
The dialogue works. Each character's voice was distinct, even the waitress.
Cramming a complete story into 500 words is touch as heck. This feels like a middle. A good middle, but a middle nonetheless.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2017
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I like what's here. It just doesn't feel complete.
The dialogue works. Each character's voice was distinct, even the waitress.
Cramming a complete story into 500 words is touch as heck. This feels like a middle. A good middle, but a middle nonetheless.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2017
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Thank you very much for your review. Yes, my draft came out about 50 words too many. I had to do some modifying to make it work. I intended to leave the reader in suspense but maybe not as much as it came out. Thank you, and have a Merry Christmas.
Comment from apky
I liked the tone of your writing, which fits very well to the subject matter.
A lot of the story is left to the reader's imagination, which counts as excellent, depending on the reader of course.
I also liked the open ending.
Merry Christmas,
Apky
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2017
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I liked the tone of your writing, which fits very well to the subject matter.
A lot of the story is left to the reader's imagination, which counts as excellent, depending on the reader of course.
I also liked the open ending.
Merry Christmas,
Apky
Comment Written 20-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2017
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Thank you very much for your review. I am glad you like the idea of leaving something to the imagination and the open ending. Some of the reviewers definitely did not. The 500 word limit did cause me to eliminate about 50 words from my draft. I am so glad you liked it. Thank you.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This is a thriller, crime and detection story I liked how Ricky saves his skin today at the restaurant, author could do nothing but a watcher and undercover did all in disguise but ... I liked. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2017
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This is a thriller, crime and detection story I liked how Ricky saves his skin today at the restaurant, author could do nothing but a watcher and undercover did all in disguise but ... I liked. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 20-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2017
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Thank you very much for your review. I really appreciate it. Have a Merry Christmas.
Comment from Dan Diego
This entry is well-written and focused on the contest requirements. It sounds like the author has spent some time in bars, which add authenticity to the vignette. I did not find any spelling, grammar, or punctuation errors. Everything flowed nicely. I was expecting resolution, but I suppose you were aiming for mystery. You must know you leave the reader with no idea who the fat man is in relation to the story.
You wrote: "...nail in his coffin."
I recommend against the use of cliches, but if you have a word limit, ignore this comment.
You wrote: Johnny B. Goode ...
I suggest: Song titles are typically italicized or put in quotes - depends on style guide.
Good luck.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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This entry is well-written and focused on the contest requirements. It sounds like the author has spent some time in bars, which add authenticity to the vignette. I did not find any spelling, grammar, or punctuation errors. Everything flowed nicely. I was expecting resolution, but I suppose you were aiming for mystery. You must know you leave the reader with no idea who the fat man is in relation to the story.
You wrote: "...nail in his coffin."
I recommend against the use of cliches, but if you have a word limit, ignore this comment.
You wrote: Johnny B. Goode ...
I suggest: Song titles are typically italicized or put in quotes - depends on style guide.
Good luck.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate the feedback. The word count limit did force me to remove some content. I purposely left the reader a little in the dark, as this would be the end of a chapter. I could then break into more on the fat man or other part of the story. Do you think the fat man was Victor Rodreguez? Did you assume Ricky was arrested? Thank you for your suggestions.
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I did not assume the fat man was Victor most likely because he's a kingpin and their pictures are widely published in law enforcement (I do not work in law enforcement, though). And yes, I thought Ricky would be arrested as a resolution to the story. There are no indications that this vignette is part of a larger story or series.
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Yes, I realize there is no clue that this could be part of a larger tale. This is one of those things that I got a wild idea and threw down on paper for the contest. There were 65 words I had to remove to meet the limit. That in itself took some work. Thank you again.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written story about an under cover cop who has to play his role and stay calm under all circumstances or stand the risk to blowhis cover before the time is right.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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A very well-written story about an under cover cop who has to play his role and stay calm under all circumstances or stand the risk to blowhis cover before the time is right.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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Thank you for your review and kind words. Merry Christmas.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
You may ant to consider a mild language warning. People can get funny about it - shot/ass and so on.
I was enjoying this piece, it had a nice tone to it. however, it just sort of stopped as if it was unfinished. there are a few threads introduced but nothing was resolved.
All the best
GMG
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reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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Hi there,
You may ant to consider a mild language warning. People can get funny about it - shot/ass and so on.
I was enjoying this piece, it had a nice tone to it. however, it just sort of stopped as if it was unfinished. there are a few threads introduced but nothing was resolved.
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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Thank you for your review. I wondered if I should put out the warning but didn't think it was that bad. I know it may have felt like I left you hanging at the end but consider it could be the end of a chapter. Thank you again.
Comment from papa55mike
A very nice piece of Flash Fiction with good characters. It takes a lot of courage to be an undercover agent deep in the other world of crime. Great job!
Good Luck in the contest.
Have a great day and Merry Christmas!
mike
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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A very nice piece of Flash Fiction with good characters. It takes a lot of courage to be an undercover agent deep in the other world of crime. Great job!
Good Luck in the contest.
Have a great day and Merry Christmas!
mike
Comment Written 19-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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Thank you very much for your review and kind words. And you have a very Merry Christmas as well.
Comment from royowen
A most imaginative and intelligent story, of an undercover man who's infiltrated a drug ring, to bring justice the the streets. Excellent short excerp that has some depth and ambiguity to stretch the iimagination of the reader. Well done, a good entry in this contest, good luck, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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A most imaginative and intelligent story, of an undercover man who's infiltrated a drug ring, to bring justice the the streets. Excellent short excerp that has some depth and ambiguity to stretch the iimagination of the reader. Well done, a good entry in this contest, good luck, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 19-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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Thank you very much for your review Roy. I really appreciate it. I had a lot of fun writing this one.
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Well done
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the 'Disguised' writing prompt.
This is interesting and exciting.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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I think this is a good entry for the 'Disguised' writing prompt.
This is interesting and exciting.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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Thank you very much for the review. I had fun writing this one. It came easy. A long time ago my Dad worked for the Sheriff Department. Merry Christmas, and thank you.
