Non-Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Van Brocklin Back to Pass ..."All non-fiction
12 total reviews
Comment from D.F. Wood
I enjoyed your story very much. It is funny how our brains insert a voice for the author, sometimes without even knowing it until toward the end. I gave you a serene voice, a touch of sadness and loneliness can be felt. I truly believe that only well written stories do this to me.
I am sorry for your loss but so thankful you reunited with your Goddaughter. I wish you all the best, and good luck in the contest. Very fine job of writing.
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I enjoyed your story very much. It is funny how our brains insert a voice for the author, sometimes without even knowing it until toward the end. I gave you a serene voice, a touch of sadness and loneliness can be felt. I truly believe that only well written stories do this to me.
I am sorry for your loss but so thankful you reunited with your Goddaughter. I wish you all the best, and good luck in the contest. Very fine job of writing.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
Comment from Dan Diego
I loved the opening. It's a promise of the story to come. And you delivered. This non-fiction article seemed like you were reconciling the loss by writing out your feelings and recollections of a once great man. And emerging from the backstory and mixed memories is a beautiful goddaughter to serve even more as a reminder of life's short timespan. Of course, the photos add authenticity to the article, the words are carefully chosen and arranged in such a way to flow into an easy read. I liked it.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2017
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I loved the opening. It's a promise of the story to come. And you delivered. This non-fiction article seemed like you were reconciling the loss by writing out your feelings and recollections of a once great man. And emerging from the backstory and mixed memories is a beautiful goddaughter to serve even more as a reminder of life's short timespan. Of course, the photos add authenticity to the article, the words are carefully chosen and arranged in such a way to flow into an easy read. I liked it.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2017
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Wonderful words to hear and I think you captured the feelings I had as I wrote this. I'm so pleased you enjoyed. Thanks for taking the time to give me a detailed response like this. So very appreciated. mike
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A most touching story, my friend. Families today are way to complicated for me. I am so glad you found each other and have fond memories. Never grow up, Mikey--you are perfect just as you are~Debbie
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A most touching story, my friend. Families today are way to complicated for me. I am so glad you found each other and have fond memories. Never grow up, Mikey--you are perfect just as you are~Debbie
Comment Written 17-Dec-2017
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
I have read this twice and loved it both times. I found no problems and I am thrilled that I finally get to know the wonderful man behind the strange smile.lol
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I have read this twice and loved it both times. I found no problems and I am thrilled that I finally get to know the wonderful man behind the strange smile.lol
Comment Written 17-Dec-2017
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. I am do glad to hear you have your Goddaughter back. I am sure you are not the only one blessed but she is too having you in her life.
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Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. I am do glad to hear you have your Goddaughter back. I am sure you are not the only one blessed but she is too having you in her life.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2017
Comment from nordicgirl
I'm so sorry for the bad news, but thrilled you and that lovely girl found each other. She is luckier than she can imagine. A beautiful story. You are at your best with these, real and touching. Loved it. You are so sweet underneath the jokes. Hugs. NG
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I'm so sorry for the bad news, but thrilled you and that lovely girl found each other. She is luckier than she can imagine. A beautiful story. You are at your best with these, real and touching. Loved it. You are so sweet underneath the jokes. Hugs. NG
Comment Written 17-Dec-2017
Comment from Pantygynt
I found this story charming and a delightful read. I am presuming your "family" the one you adopted on marriage and later lost wre or are of Mexican, your goddaughter's name, which I will make no attempt to pronounce sounds like something out tales from the the conquistadores. I looks she reminds me of the folk singer Joan Baez.
Looking back on the writing here there seem to be two stories, yours and John's. Taking a completely detached view I wondered whether your tale was the backstory to John's and, as such was it too long? I wrote a story on another site recently an found my backstory too long. I pruned it viciously and yet when the adjudication came back it was still - backstory too long.
I didn't agree with that adjudication, feeling that an understanding of the background was essential but apparently the adjudicators felt differently. I don't often get involved with prose for precisely these reasons but it did occur to me that the backstory here might just be a bit too long.
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I found this story charming and a delightful read. I am presuming your "family" the one you adopted on marriage and later lost wre or are of Mexican, your goddaughter's name, which I will make no attempt to pronounce sounds like something out tales from the the conquistadores. I looks she reminds me of the folk singer Joan Baez.
Looking back on the writing here there seem to be two stories, yours and John's. Taking a completely detached view I wondered whether your tale was the backstory to John's and, as such was it too long? I wrote a story on another site recently an found my backstory too long. I pruned it viciously and yet when the adjudication came back it was still - backstory too long.
I didn't agree with that adjudication, feeling that an understanding of the background was essential but apparently the adjudicators felt differently. I don't often get involved with prose for precisely these reasons but it did occur to me that the backstory here might just be a bit too long.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2017
Comment from apky
This is a beautiful tribute to your friend John, and I, a believer of such things, am convinced he's watching and having a hell of a time with this. And he's as happy as can be that his daughter is back with her Godfather.
This passage had me totally out of it. As a European, I've never been any good with American games, save the universal tennis!
I still break into the old, old theme music for football highlights and announce plays from long gone football stars of yesteryear-- du do du do du du, du du du do du du It was below freezing at soldier's field, the Vikings on their own fifteen-yard line, Van Brocklin back to pass, he's going loooooonnnnnng, TOUCHDOWN Minnesota. We loved football back then. I often mimic John doing the highlights and no one has a clue where I got it from. My own little private joke between me and him.
Corrections suggested:
John was turning thirteen when I meet(met) him,
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This is a beautiful tribute to your friend John, and I, a believer of such things, am convinced he's watching and having a hell of a time with this. And he's as happy as can be that his daughter is back with her Godfather.
This passage had me totally out of it. As a European, I've never been any good with American games, save the universal tennis!
I still break into the old, old theme music for football highlights and announce plays from long gone football stars of yesteryear-- du do du do du du, du du du do du du It was below freezing at soldier's field, the Vikings on their own fifteen-yard line, Van Brocklin back to pass, he's going loooooonnnnnng, TOUCHDOWN Minnesota. We loved football back then. I often mimic John doing the highlights and no one has a clue where I got it from. My own little private joke between me and him.
Corrections suggested:
John was turning thirteen when I meet(met) him,
Comment Written 17-Dec-2017
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was lovely, Mike, that your beautiful Goddaughter found you after all that time. It's also sad that you had to leave behind a family you loved because your marriage failed. It's not only the couple that get hurt, it's everyone else, too. But you have all those memories that are now coming back, and as you say, people live on forever when they are remembered. I really enjoyed your story, it was so nice. Big hugs, my friend, and have a wonderful Christmas and a brilliant 2018. :) Sandra xxx
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That was lovely, Mike, that your beautiful Goddaughter found you after all that time. It's also sad that you had to leave behind a family you loved because your marriage failed. It's not only the couple that get hurt, it's everyone else, too. But you have all those memories that are now coming back, and as you say, people live on forever when they are remembered. I really enjoyed your story, it was so nice. Big hugs, my friend, and have a wonderful Christmas and a brilliant 2018. :) Sandra xxx
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2017
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written heartfelt story. When we do something wrong in our past it will come to haunt us. When we do good it will come back.to delight us with joy.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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A very well-written heartfelt story. When we do something wrong in our past it will come to haunt us. When we do good it will come back.to delight us with joy.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2017
