Mother Wisdom
Wisdom makes Her entrance2 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Beautiful! Inspired! Very fine Minute contest entry in terms of syllable count, but it is lacking in rhymes! The rhyme scheme is specific for this contest. Please see the notes for more details, but the usual scheme is: aabb, ccdd, eeff.
Paths and last is a good slant rhyme, read aloud. Well done!
However, there are no other rhymes! You need to revise this if you want it to fit the contest directives.
Lovely phonetics and voicing. I enjoyed the alliteration of W and S plus consonance of L in the firs stanza.
Love the message, too, of course!
Not sure I like this reverse syntax:
Shelter from darkness Wisdom gives
However, I do applaud all those S sounds in almost every word of that line!
Spag issue here:
Wisdom emitting vibrations
Touch(es) souls with love
Nice closing note:
She caresses
Children rejoice
I would have given this a three for the rhyming issue plus spag, but the content is so inspired, I couldn't do it!
Happy to re-review if you make revisions with rhymes for this form.
Warmly,
rd
This sounds like it is describing my guru, Amma (the Holy Mother). Check out her website, if interested: www.amritapuri.org or www.amma.org.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Beautiful! Inspired! Very fine Minute contest entry in terms of syllable count, but it is lacking in rhymes! The rhyme scheme is specific for this contest. Please see the notes for more details, but the usual scheme is: aabb, ccdd, eeff.
Paths and last is a good slant rhyme, read aloud. Well done!
However, there are no other rhymes! You need to revise this if you want it to fit the contest directives.
Lovely phonetics and voicing. I enjoyed the alliteration of W and S plus consonance of L in the firs stanza.
Love the message, too, of course!
Not sure I like this reverse syntax:
Shelter from darkness Wisdom gives
However, I do applaud all those S sounds in almost every word of that line!
Spag issue here:
Wisdom emitting vibrations
Touch(es) souls with love
Nice closing note:
She caresses
Children rejoice
I would have given this a three for the rhyming issue plus spag, but the content is so inspired, I couldn't do it!
Happy to re-review if you make revisions with rhymes for this form.
Warmly,
rd
This sounds like it is describing my guru, Amma (the Holy Mother). Check out her website, if interested: www.amritapuri.org or www.amma.org.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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I didn't know it had to rhyme. Oh well
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Not too late to change it! Do let me know.
Warmly, rd
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I'll check to see if I like (es) or the more personal touch as in yourself.
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I'll be happy to re-review if you make it rhyme, dear. Best Wishes, rd
Comment from terry drake
This is a good tribute to your mother. It was written in free style and shared the meaning of motherhood. The poem is nicely written, thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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This is a good tribute to your mother. It was written in free style and shared the meaning of motherhood. The poem is nicely written, thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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If you read the comments you would see Wisdom differently Not my mother but a Goddess. It was also written for a contest 8-4-4-4 syllables.
