Lipstick Murders
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Capture a Killer"Being wronged by her husband, Anna seeks revenge.
9 total reviews
Comment from Natali Holden
Sorry it's been awhile. I got behind on my messages, so I may not review all of your chapters, but I'm going to be reading through them all. I really enjoyed this! Your scripts are awesome! Keep up the wonderful writing!
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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Sorry it's been awhile. I got behind on my messages, so I may not review all of your chapters, but I'm going to be reading through them all. I really enjoyed this! Your scripts are awesome! Keep up the wonderful writing!
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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Oh, my gosh thank you so much for the six-star. You've made my week. I was so unsure about this project, and for that, I'll be forever grateful, thank you so much for all your help and support, take care.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Mistydawn
You ,indeed have me so anxious with Anna and her killing the couple
and how cleverly you kept going back to the Police Station and rehashing if lipstick killer was Anna
Guess I will need to wait and see if Anna kills again
Gert
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2017
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Hello Mistydawn
You ,indeed have me so anxious with Anna and her killing the couple
and how cleverly you kept going back to the Police Station and rehashing if lipstick killer was Anna
Guess I will need to wait and see if Anna kills again
Gert
Comment Written 13-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2017
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Thank you for your lovely review I'm glad you're enjoying it. I didn't know if I'd like writing scripts but it's actually fun and Anna, I know she's a serial killer, but I kind of like her persistence, her I'm going to change the world one way or another attitude.
Thanks again for your kind review and continues support, it means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from royowen
So having killed Barry and Jackie, Anna leaves thinking she's OK. I'm not sure who Brad is, but the police think that he killed Anna, but they've discovered her fingerprints. They close in, Mike is waiting for her, and misses being afflicted by the the lipstick, though why she would tell him what it contains, I'm not sure. Well done, it looks like it's coming to an end. Well done, good scribing, good job, blessings, Roy
Typo (rehearing) her speech. rehearsing? 2: taken by his fine (physic). Physique? 3: Could I speak to the (misses) missus?
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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So having killed Barry and Jackie, Anna leaves thinking she's OK. I'm not sure who Brad is, but the police think that he killed Anna, but they've discovered her fingerprints. They close in, Mike is waiting for her, and misses being afflicted by the the lipstick, though why she would tell him what it contains, I'm not sure. Well done, it looks like it's coming to an end. Well done, good scribing, good job, blessings, Roy
Typo (rehearing) her speech. rehearsing? 2: taken by his fine (physic). Physique? 3: Could I speak to the (misses) missus?
Comment Written 11-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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Thank you for your nice review. Brad is her husband, the one she killed in act one then try to frame Breanna for. She told Mike about the weapon hoping he'd back away so she could escape. There are still four or five acts left. don't worry it won't get repetitious redundant.
Thank you again for your review and all your praise they mean a lot to me.
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Good job
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
They've figured out Anna is still alive, so they should be finding her soon. I guess she kills that cop who tried to arrest her. But maybe her luck has run out. Tense chapter!
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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They've figured out Anna is still alive, so they should be finding her soon. I guess she kills that cop who tried to arrest her. But maybe her luck has run out. Tense chapter!
Comment Written 11-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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Thank you for your review. So you think they'll find her soon and she killed the cop, oh, you're in for a heck of a surprise, lol.
Thanks again for all your support, take care.
Comment from apky
Things are getting hot here. I like the way you have Ann and Sparky as quite the team!
Anna is frightenedly(I don't know if this word exists in American English, but it certainly doesn't in British English. I checked in OED!) scrunched down in her car, her dog Sparky is lying beside her.
Your(You're) asking for donations?
Oh, this won't do(,) Sparky, it won't do at all.
Raising(rising - otherwise "raising his body/head/paw...etc) up, he tugs at the wig.
Barry rolls off of her.(this may be American, but I'd get rid of "of": Barry rolls off her.)
Anna is walking down the sidewalk when (delet-I; add-a) thought occurs to her.
A half-naked man throws the door open. Anna was(is-keep your tenses consistent, Misty) so taken by his fine physic she couldn't(can't-present tense) say a word.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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Things are getting hot here. I like the way you have Ann and Sparky as quite the team!
Anna is frightenedly(I don't know if this word exists in American English, but it certainly doesn't in British English. I checked in OED!) scrunched down in her car, her dog Sparky is lying beside her.
Your(You're) asking for donations?
Oh, this won't do(,) Sparky, it won't do at all.
Raising(rising - otherwise "raising his body/head/paw...etc) up, he tugs at the wig.
Barry rolls off of her.(this may be American, but I'd get rid of "of": Barry rolls off her.)
Anna is walking down the sidewalk when (delet-I; add-a) thought occurs to her.
A half-naked man throws the door open. Anna was(is-keep your tenses consistent, Misty) so taken by his fine physic she couldn't(can't-present tense) say a word.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for your review and always helpful advice. I looked up frightenedly and found it in my power thesaurus along with six suggestions. I opted for one of the choices just to be sure, better safe than sorry, right?
Thank you again for all your help and support, it means a lot to me.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Misty
= All kinds of things going on. Your peeps are busy.
=> Whew! long chapter. (*<*) You may want to shorten them up a bit. The reader can keep track of what's going on better with less flip-flopping--unless you are trying to keep continuity and the scene warrants it. Usually, one can find a way to break it up.
=> You still have a few characters with actions in another character's scene. You might want to check them.
=> Also, when one character speaks--has an action--then speaks again--you don't have to put a new header for them--you can keep them under the same hear, such as--Anna--Jeff--etc.
=> Ellipses inside a sentence is space-ellipses (...)-space
I.....I'm with the national
CORRECT: I ... I'm with the national
=> End of sentence ellipses: three or four periods in a row. Again, some use three/some use four--author's choice. I've seen both ways.
EXAMPLE:
1- He just didn't know...
2- He just didn't know. ...
3- He just didn't know... .
4- He just didn't know....
=> Need comma.
Barry(,) honey, wake up, please baby(,) wake up.
= When you use for instance: Yes, Sir -or- No, ma'am.
1- Be consistent with your upper/lower case--don't go back and forth.
2- Some use upper case/some use lower case when addressing charater--sir/ma'am -or- Sir/Ma'am. Kind of author's call.
Cheers, J
*** Merry Christmas & Happy New Year! ***
(*>*) A Smile Is A Frown Upside Town (*>*)
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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Hi, Misty
= All kinds of things going on. Your peeps are busy.
=> Whew! long chapter. (*<*) You may want to shorten them up a bit. The reader can keep track of what's going on better with less flip-flopping--unless you are trying to keep continuity and the scene warrants it. Usually, one can find a way to break it up.
=> You still have a few characters with actions in another character's scene. You might want to check them.
=> Also, when one character speaks--has an action--then speaks again--you don't have to put a new header for them--you can keep them under the same hear, such as--Anna--Jeff--etc.
=> Ellipses inside a sentence is space-ellipses (...)-space
I.....I'm with the national
CORRECT: I ... I'm with the national
=> End of sentence ellipses: three or four periods in a row. Again, some use three/some use four--author's choice. I've seen both ways.
EXAMPLE:
1- He just didn't know...
2- He just didn't know. ...
3- He just didn't know... .
4- He just didn't know....
=> Need comma.
Barry(,) honey, wake up, please baby(,) wake up.
= When you use for instance: Yes, Sir -or- No, ma'am.
1- Be consistent with your upper/lower case--don't go back and forth.
2- Some use upper case/some use lower case when addressing charater--sir/ma'am -or- Sir/Ma'am. Kind of author's call.
Cheers, J
*** Merry Christmas & Happy New Year! ***
(*>*) A Smile Is A Frown Upside Town (*>*)
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for your great review and continues support, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I think I've fixed the problems you mentioned. Darn ellipses got me again grrr.
Thank you again for all your help and support, take care.
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You bet. Sometimes, on some things it just takes doing it over and over before it sticks in a persons head. You'll get it. (*.*)
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This is an excellent crime and mystery script.
Characters and dialogues are realistic.
Description and direction are brief, time bound, realistic, appropriate and to the point.
I liked and enjoyed the read.
DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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This is an excellent crime and mystery script.
Characters and dialogues are realistic.
Description and direction are brief, time bound, realistic, appropriate and to the point.
I liked and enjoyed the read.
DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for your kind review I'm so glad you enjoyed it. This Script thing is still new to me, I'm constantly learning.
Thank you again for your great review it's always nice to hear from you, take care.
Comment from Ricky1024
The criminal element can't hide forever somehow someway along the lines they will slip up and get captured and repent and where they escape from in the beginning but looks like this was trying to get away to well-read & Rich theme and swells imagery I wrote one about serial killer who not only killed his two families but I gave birth to a son who became a serial killer because he couldn't get the thought of what his father did out of his head and then horn at him so I guess like father like son thanks for just talked to Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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The criminal element can't hide forever somehow someway along the lines they will slip up and get captured and repent and where they escape from in the beginning but looks like this was trying to get away to well-read & Rich theme and swells imagery I wrote one about serial killer who not only killed his two families but I gave birth to a son who became a serial killer because he couldn't get the thought of what his father did out of his head and then horn at him so I guess like father like son thanks for just talked to Ricky 1024
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for your nice review. How she handles this situation, being caught red-handed by the police is brilliant. If I say much more I'll give it away. So I guess you'll have to come back find out for yourself. The writer laughs evilly.
Your book sounds very interesting, something that could easily be true. Is it posted? I'd like to read it if it is.
Thanks again for your great review, take care.
Comment from Brigitte Elko
This an awesome engaging story. The dialogue is excellent and the reader can visualize what is going on easily. The lipstick weapon is ingenious and the frequent use of it makes this read compelling to continue. I love it. There is nothing that needs to be changed for you can not improve perfection.
Blessings,
Brigitte
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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This an awesome engaging story. The dialogue is excellent and the reader can visualize what is going on easily. The lipstick weapon is ingenious and the frequent use of it makes this read compelling to continue. I love it. There is nothing that needs to be changed for you can not improve perfection.
Blessings,
Brigitte
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for all your high praise. I got so excited that I shared it with friends and family on facebook you made my week, no my month. Thank you so very very much(I'm still bubbling with excitement can you tell? ) I'm so glad you enjoyed the story, take care.
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I feel honored.
Merry Christmas.
Brigitte
