Senryu (two faced alien )
A poem about two faces, Senryu.17 total reviews
Comment from Sis Cat
A fine, psychedelic senryu. I can see this image, reminding me of two-headed giants. Instead of being frightened by two-faced aliens, the narrator smiles at them. This adds whimsy to your poem.
On the technical side, two-faced is a compound word and needs a hyphen. Also, it is my preference and practice to write at tightly as possible, eliminating unneeded words and replacing them with stronger ones:
two-faced aliens
mimic my every mood
grin from head to head
This is a suggestion, but I think you could play with this more to maximize each word and eliminate filler words.
Thank you for sharing your imaginative poem. I wish you much success in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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A fine, psychedelic senryu. I can see this image, reminding me of two-headed giants. Instead of being frightened by two-faced aliens, the narrator smiles at them. This adds whimsy to your poem.
On the technical side, two-faced is a compound word and needs a hyphen. Also, it is my preference and practice to write at tightly as possible, eliminating unneeded words and replacing them with stronger ones:
two-faced aliens
mimic my every mood
grin from head to head
This is a suggestion, but I think you could play with this more to maximize each word and eliminate filler words.
Thank you for sharing your imaginative poem. I wish you much success in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a great wintery week.
Comment from Bill Schott
This senryu, Two-faced Alien, has a 5-7-5 set up and pretty much sums up what we know about all aliens. Nothing to do but smile at them and play along.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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This senryu, Two-faced Alien, has a 5-7-5 set up and pretty much sums up what we know about all aliens. Nothing to do but smile at them and play along.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a great wintery week.
Comment from mermaids
I like your last line " I just smile at them". It gives the reader advice, responding with a smile can be much more effective than a negative response. Excellent theme in few words.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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I like your last line " I just smile at them". It gives the reader advice, responding with a smile can be much more effective than a negative response. Excellent theme in few words.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a great wintery week.
Comment from Pantygynt
And they, of course, smile back with at least one of their two faces. The lowere one in the picture has a particularly happy face. I don't think I have read a senryu on the subject of aliens before. Kind of "wau out" I would say.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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And they, of course, smile back with at least one of their two faces. The lowere one in the picture has a particularly happy face. I don't think I have read a senryu on the subject of aliens before. Kind of "wau out" I would say.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a great and blessed Sunday.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
I quite like the idea of this random idea of two faced aliens gleaned from a mirror painting...a good senryu, mysterious and whimsical nice work and good luck in the competition kind regards Meia :)
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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I quite like the idea of this random idea of two faced aliens gleaned from a mirror painting...a good senryu, mysterious and whimsical nice work and good luck in the competition kind regards Meia :)
Comment Written 09-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely and blessed Sunday.
Comment from Bill O'Bier
Interesting poem you've created. Sometimes I think what a beautiful world it would be if there were no aliens - but then you meet that once special one and your life changes forever.
Bill~
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
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Interesting poem you've created. Sometimes I think what a beautiful world it would be if there were no aliens - but then you meet that once special one and your life changes forever.
Bill~
Comment Written 09-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely and blessed weekend,
Comment from jenintorre
Yes just keep on smiling at them. That's the spirit. A nice little Senryu poem with a scary but colorful picture. I wish you lots of luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
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Yes just keep on smiling at them. That's the spirit. A nice little Senryu poem with a scary but colorful picture. I wish you lots of luck in the competition.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
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Thanks very much for your kind review, Ine. Have a very nice and blessed weekend.
Comment from Dean Kuch
You might want to go and get looked at and talk to someone about this problem, Anonymous Poet.
I once knew a guy from Barra de Potosi, Mexico who would stab you in the back faster than your head could swim.
I considered him a two-faced alien.
Good job.
Best wishes in the contest to you.
~Dean
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
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You might want to go and get looked at and talk to someone about this problem, Anonymous Poet.
I once knew a guy from Barra de Potosi, Mexico who would stab you in the back faster than your head could swim.
I considered him a two-faced alien.
Good job.
Best wishes in the contest to you.
~Dean
Comment Written 09-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
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Thanks very much for your kind review, Ine. Have a very nice and blessed weekend.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
This is a good entry for the 'Write a Senryu' writing prompt.
Your weird and wonderful picture is a good match as well.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
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This is a good entry for the 'Write a Senryu' writing prompt.
Your weird and wonderful picture is a good match as well.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 08-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a great and blessed weekend.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Senryu. There are many people who are two-faced in this world. Most of them we should just ignored and smile at them, most of the time they don't realize we know their game.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
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A very well-written Senryu. There are many people who are two-faced in this world. Most of them we should just ignored and smile at them, most of the time they don't realize we know their game.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a great and blessed weekend.
