FOW Play
Crime in a suburb.7 total reviews
Comment from poetwatch
Had to come back to this short story to understand. I like Stickler, a short man of persuading powers. Why he even has Amanda trained as she carries her peruse in her mouth. Good one. :)
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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Had to come back to this short story to understand. I like Stickler, a short man of persuading powers. Why he even has Amanda trained as she carries her peruse in her mouth. Good one. :)
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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Thanks for going back and reviewing chapter one.
I guess Stickler isn't too bad of a person at least not in Amanda's eyes.
Glad you liked this chapter.
Marv
Comment from Gloria ....
Yes, this is a good thing there is more to come, Marv because I want to know when the bag gets filled with the cash. lol.
What does FOW stand for? Flames of War? Fall of Wickets?
Curious minds must know this things.
Great job with this dear friend.
Gloria
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
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Yes, this is a good thing there is more to come, Marv because I want to know when the bag gets filled with the cash. lol.
What does FOW stand for? Flames of War? Fall of Wickets?
Curious minds must know this things.
Great job with this dear friend.
Gloria
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
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Thanks for reviewing.
The bag gets filled in chapter 3. I think.
FOW should be FOTW That would make a bad title, but you still might be able to figure it out.
Thanks for being curious.
Thanks for the compliment. Actually your entire review is one big compliment and I appreciate it immensely.
I'm happy to call you a friend.
Sorry this reply took so long to get done. I'm on the East Coast and try to shut down the computer at 12 midnight.
Marv
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
A great write Marvin I enjoyed this immensely it was pacy, absorbing and very very interesting. I found it to be well written in every detail and needs to errors remedied. It is a story that one wants to keep reading and I cannot wait to read more from you a truly talented writer and characters are established well and effectively with brilliant quality writing from you most excellent my friend I am sorry I am out of sixes they really don't give us enough! Kindest regards and well done Meia x
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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A great write Marvin I enjoyed this immensely it was pacy, absorbing and very very interesting. I found it to be well written in every detail and needs to errors remedied. It is a story that one wants to keep reading and I cannot wait to read more from you a truly talented writer and characters are established well and effectively with brilliant quality writing from you most excellent my friend I am sorry I am out of sixes they really don't give us enough! Kindest regards and well done Meia x
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Thanks for reviewing.
Wow! So many compliments, I don't know where to begin.
Yours is the second 6 I missed out on. One more and I'll send a letter of complaint to the management.
Everything you said is extremely gratifying.
I was a little worried about submitting this piece. Your review put my mind at ease.
Thank you for everything.
Marv
Comment from humpwhistle
Marvin, I'm having a little trouble judging your intentions by this rather truncated opening. I can't tell if we're dealing with Sherlock Holmes, or Inspector Clouseau. Are Brennan's quirks comedic, or calculated? That is unclear at this point. I think you need to define you story soon. Is this slapstick, or serious. Your audience will be determined by which way you go.
Good luck moving forward.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Marvin, I'm having a little trouble judging your intentions by this rather truncated opening. I can't tell if we're dealing with Sherlock Holmes, or Inspector Clouseau. Are Brennan's quirks comedic, or calculated? That is unclear at this point. I think you need to define you story soon. Is this slapstick, or serious. Your audience will be determined by which way you go.
Good luck moving forward.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Thanks for reviewing.
You're probably correct in your assessment. I hope the next chapter will satisfy your curiosity and win you over.
Thanks for the high rating.
Marv
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
There is a good warm tone to this piece and the write is engaging enough but there's a lack of a real hard hook at the moment. Nothing has really happened that we are privy to at present to want to be eager to return to read on, if you see what I mean.
gazed about the interior of the aging bank - to negate the unnecessary repetition of the bank here, you could rephrase to say something like gazed around the aging interior as the fact it's a bank has already been established.
was a necessary evil_the person - perhaps a dash- here rather than _
too much of the under-staffed - understaffed.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Hi there,
There is a good warm tone to this piece and the write is engaging enough but there's a lack of a real hard hook at the moment. Nothing has really happened that we are privy to at present to want to be eager to return to read on, if you see what I mean.
gazed about the interior of the aging bank - to negate the unnecessary repetition of the bank here, you could rephrase to say something like gazed around the aging interior as the fact it's a bank has already been established.
was a necessary evil_the person - perhaps a dash- here rather than _
too much of the under-staffed - understaffed.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Thanks for reviewing.
?. . . a good warm tone . . .? I like this comment. Thank you.
I do see what you mean by, ?. . . a lack of a real hard hook . . .? The next chapter will take care of that, I hope.
I took all your suggestions and made the appropriate changes.
Marv
Comment from pome lover
Absolutely loved your opening paragraph. Could just picture it. very good. Also enjoyed your description of Samson's efforts to see his watch. Was thinking that next, his recorder would slide down his sleeve. ha!
I like your story so far. I don't know what FOW stands for, but if it's a play on "fowl play," that's pretty funny. Can't wait to hear what it means.
pome lover
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Absolutely loved your opening paragraph. Could just picture it. very good. Also enjoyed your description of Samson's efforts to see his watch. Was thinking that next, his recorder would slide down his sleeve. ha!
I like your story so far. I don't know what FOW stands for, but if it's a play on "fowl play," that's pretty funny. Can't wait to hear what it means.
pome lover
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Thanks for reviewing.
I was worried about the opening paragraph. I'm happy to hear your reaction to it.
You know what FOW means. I thought we talked about it. How about FOTW or FOtW? Does this help?
Marv
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hate to disappoint you, but afraid I don't. Please refresh this old brain.
Comment from BeasPeas
This is true "Marv." Your story gives the reader another glimpse into the creative brain of Marv Calloway. This sounds like an interesting relationship between partners as he sees her as an inexperienced female and she sees him as a "stickler" for minutia. Marilyn
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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This is true "Marv." Your story gives the reader another glimpse into the creative brain of Marv Calloway. This sounds like an interesting relationship between partners as he sees her as an inexperienced female and she sees him as a "stickler" for minutia. Marilyn
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Thanks for your review.
I guess you're correct about the true ?Marv.? I just go where he takes me. Thanks for the reassurance about that and the compliments. You're always a help.
Marv
