I Stand A Naked Man
A life lived.62 total reviews
Comment from Tim0443
You are truly a very talented writer. Let the one who is lost rest easy. Her struggle is over, and cannot be altered. To destroy the mind, is to destroy the lesson, a selfish act. She paid a dear price so you could learn what you now know. Be a beacon for others, and you will find purpose in the tragedy. Don't let the poem end this way
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
  |
You are truly a very talented writer. Let the one who is lost rest easy. Her struggle is over, and cannot be altered. To destroy the mind, is to destroy the lesson, a selfish act. She paid a dear price so you could learn what you now know. Be a beacon for others, and you will find purpose in the tragedy. Don't let the poem end this way
Comment Written 26-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
-
Great review Tim and I thank you very, very much my friend. Good wisdom in your words also. tom
Comment from Raoul D'Harmental
Hi EasyEverett1
What a poem this is. I am a fan of classic poetry too and this is up there with the best Ive read on here. I like the way you crafted the tale from the first to the shocking denouement in the last verse. I only have one suggestion - it would be great to have an image to accompany this to enhance the effect you intend to convey. I am aware that classic poetry didnt often have such (perhaps a few illustrations) but I have observed that readers nowadays are very visual and it helps to stimulate that sense as well as the inner senses with poetry :) Eitherway, i enjoyed this immensely! :) R
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
|
Hi EasyEverett1
What a poem this is. I am a fan of classic poetry too and this is up there with the best Ive read on here. I like the way you crafted the tale from the first to the shocking denouement in the last verse. I only have one suggestion - it would be great to have an image to accompany this to enhance the effect you intend to convey. I am aware that classic poetry didnt often have such (perhaps a few illustrations) but I have observed that readers nowadays are very visual and it helps to stimulate that sense as well as the inner senses with poetry :) Eitherway, i enjoyed this immensely! :) R
Comment Written 26-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
-
Hi Raoul. I was a member of FS from 2005 to 2012 and then I left for five years. I used to use images with my poetry, in fact, I actually was one of the first on site to do so, but I found that even though it offered an aesthetic visual it also had, at times, an influence on how one interpreted the poetic itself. So, on my return here a month or so ago I decided to not utilize images and let the words stand alone. I have no artistic qualms with using images to enhance the experience for the reader however and I enjoy creative pairing of an image with a poem. Thanks again my friend. I am most honored. tom
Comment from estory
Well this is a picture of despair, of the failings of man. we cannot love perfectly, we cheat, we lie, we steal the emotions of others for our own gain, and we are ultimately overcome by the shame and guilt, and without a redeemer, we can't help but pull the trigger and put ourselves six feet under. This poem is the ultimate poem of condemnation, of what happens to us when we are in a world without Christ. The images are crisp, bold, blatant, and the plodding rhythm of the meter and rhymes is like the footsteps echoing in a funeral parlor. heavy and ominous. Good use of form to underscore the theme. estory
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
 |
Well this is a picture of despair, of the failings of man. we cannot love perfectly, we cheat, we lie, we steal the emotions of others for our own gain, and we are ultimately overcome by the shame and guilt, and without a redeemer, we can't help but pull the trigger and put ourselves six feet under. This poem is the ultimate poem of condemnation, of what happens to us when we are in a world without Christ. The images are crisp, bold, blatant, and the plodding rhythm of the meter and rhymes is like the footsteps echoing in a funeral parlor. heavy and ominous. Good use of form to underscore the theme. estory
Comment Written 25-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
-
Hi estory. I thank you very much for this review my friend. And though we don't share the same philosophy I admire your faith and am glad you feel it helps you become the best you can be. That is what all belief systems ultimately should strive to attain for their flock. I thank you again my friend. tom
Comment from Liberty Justice
Very sad and tragic seems like woman committed suicide because man didn't love her anymore. Verses rhyme explaining the passing away of a woman. Did the man shoot himself in the end of this poem? truly, liberty justice
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
|
Very sad and tragic seems like woman committed suicide because man didn't love her anymore. Verses rhyme explaining the passing away of a woman. Did the man shoot himself in the end of this poem? truly, liberty justice
Comment Written 25-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
-
Yes Liberty, the man did take his life at the end of the poem. I thank you for a fine review my friend. toom
Comment from Dean Kuch
Ya know, you can be arrested in some places for loitering, Tom, much less for being naked while doing so.
Just a friendly bit of advice...
Many say poets bare all and wear their hearts on their sleeves.
I sometime wonder just how true that preconceived notion truly is.
Not all of us have lived the things we write about, while some have lived through much worse.
I'm inclined to believe you've at least known someone like the lonely, suicidal man you've created for your piece here, or you are him yourself.
Sans suicide, of course...
~Dean
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
|
Ya know, you can be arrested in some places for loitering, Tom, much less for being naked while doing so.
Just a friendly bit of advice...
Many say poets bare all and wear their hearts on their sleeves.
I sometime wonder just how true that preconceived notion truly is.
Not all of us have lived the things we write about, while some have lived through much worse.
I'm inclined to believe you've at least known someone like the lonely, suicidal man you've created for your piece here, or you are him yourself.
Sans suicide, of course...
~Dean
Comment Written 25-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
-
Well if I nakedly loitered at this advanced age I would not be arrested but pitied I'm afraid. lol Unless, of course, I stripped down at the octogenarian home across town where my deterioration of body and mind would be equally shared if not acted upon. Thanks my friend and your intuition is correct. I used a combination of three individuals for this write. The suicide was a hometown friend who served in Nam the same time I was there. Never saw him over there but he flew helicopter rescue missions and saw way too much for such a brilliant and sensitive soul. He killed himself in 84 with the service revolver he carried while in the Nam. Great review my friend and I promise to keep my clothes on except while bathing or in front my rather seductive cat. tom
Comment from Irish Rain
Oh, just so totally lovely. Poignant, timeless truths... who we set out to be, who we allow ourselves to become, a litter of broken people in our wake. I loved this. It's way beyond 6 stars, blessings...
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
|
Oh, just so totally lovely. Poignant, timeless truths... who we set out to be, who we allow ourselves to become, a litter of broken people in our wake. I loved this. It's way beyond 6 stars, blessings...
Comment Written 25-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
-
Hi Irish. I am very honored by your review and your wise commentary on the human condition. Thanks again friend. Most honored. tom
-
You're most welcome!!
Comment from kahpot
Wow what a powerful poem, and beautifully written, one can forsake many things but one must never forsake Love, as Love is one thing we all need, very well done****kahpot
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
|
Wow what a powerful poem, and beautifully written, one can forsake many things but one must never forsake Love, as Love is one thing we all need, very well done****kahpot
Comment Written 25-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
-
Thank you so much kahpot. tom
Comment from Rasmine
Hello,
Good poem. It tells a story and has a very sad ending.
I have a question:
he chased the dragon of deceit (I take this as drug abuse?)
along with every reprobate
deluded by corruption's face
forsworn to conjure riches fate.
My ex-fiance chased the dragon every day. He was a heroin addict. Hope he is okay.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
|
Hello,
Good poem. It tells a story and has a very sad ending.
I have a question:
he chased the dragon of deceit (I take this as drug abuse?)
along with every reprobate
deluded by corruption's face
forsworn to conjure riches fate.
My ex-fiance chased the dragon every day. He was a heroin addict. Hope he is okay.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
-
Hi Rasmine. I used 'chased the dragon' which when I was young meant smoking heroin which a lot of us tried in Vietnam. I thought it sounded pretty good in association with deceit since deceit also has an eventual downside that can destroy many things. I hope your ex-fiancé is okay also Rasmine. Many of my using friends from Nam came home with a heavy habit and many got in trouble with the law because heroin in Nam was dirt cheap but not so cheap here in the states. Thank you for a great review. tom
-
I'm sorry to them.
Have a happy season.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
her innocence he stole away
with no remorse for all the lies.
he watched her slide into despair
till in his arms one day she dies. ' This hit home with me. I lost my virginity to rape. A wonderful poem as ever kindest regards Meia xx
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2017
|
her innocence he stole away
with no remorse for all the lies.
he watched her slide into despair
till in his arms one day she dies. ' This hit home with me. I lost my virginity to rape. A wonderful poem as ever kindest regards Meia xx
Comment Written 25-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2017
-
Thank you Meia. Most honored. tom
Comment from sfharper
Hi Easyeverett1, I like the opening and closing of the poem with the leather bag--being his brain (I don't like the suggestion of the firing gun, suicide never solves anything and causes hurt beyond the moment so if considering that, please talk to someone). I think you mean the narrator would like to kill off the old self because of the hurt involved. I wonder also if you were to start with "Today he starts a naked man" and then go to the "an older colder man" stanza before introducing the bag. I think there are too many stanzas and it could be tighter.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2017
|
Hi Easyeverett1, I like the opening and closing of the poem with the leather bag--being his brain (I don't like the suggestion of the firing gun, suicide never solves anything and causes hurt beyond the moment so if considering that, please talk to someone). I think you mean the narrator would like to kill off the old self because of the hurt involved. I wonder also if you were to start with "Today he starts a naked man" and then go to the "an older colder man" stanza before introducing the bag. I think there are too many stanzas and it could be tighter.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2017
-
Thanks sfharper. Good review. tom
-
You're welcome Tom
