Moonlight Mysteries
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Forbidden"Two young women make a moonlit exchange.
19 total reviews
Comment from Sankey
What a surprise! You had us wondering at the start about the 14 year old girl instead of a boy hehe. Good work. I look forward to where this is going. I just did a change to Chapter 30 of my biography and Changed some pictures on Chapter2 if interested.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
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What a surprise! You had us wondering at the start about the 14 year old girl instead of a boy hehe. Good work. I look forward to where this is going. I just did a change to Chapter 30 of my biography and Changed some pictures on Chapter2 if interested.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
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Okay, I'll check it out.
Thank you for the kind review. The story is about to take a different direction, but had to start rather dramatically.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from MelB
Hi Rhonda, what a fantastic twist to this story! She doesn't have to raise the baby conceived by incest, got the girl she wanted, and helped the other woman out.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
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Hi Rhonda, what a fantastic twist to this story! She doesn't have to raise the baby conceived by incest, got the girl she wanted, and helped the other woman out.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
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Thank you for the six stars, my friend!
I knew if you would stick with it, the story would get better for Mindy, and now it will stay away from child abuse.
It's just that so few people realize how prevalent it is, or especially was. I always pick some sort of controversial side theme. It's angered a few people, but it's real.
Anyway, it will ease up on that part now, lol.
Thank you again,
Rhonda
Comment from apky
With this post, I was at least relieved that all went well with Mindy herself. When the babies were echanged, I was in fact delighted, because I'd feared what Mindy herself feared - being blamed for giving birth to a dead baby which would only have added more guilt-feelings on Mindy.
She heard a low moaning she couldn't tell whether (it) was human or animal. ~ you could add the "it" as suggested, but the sentence still sounds odd. You could also remove the "was" as below:
She heard a low moaning she couldn't tell whether (delete-was) human or animal.
There, kneeling on the ground was a young woman, not much older than she(her).
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
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With this post, I was at least relieved that all went well with Mindy herself. When the babies were echanged, I was in fact delighted, because I'd feared what Mindy herself feared - being blamed for giving birth to a dead baby which would only have added more guilt-feelings on Mindy.
She heard a low moaning she couldn't tell whether (it) was human or animal. ~ you could add the "it" as suggested, but the sentence still sounds odd. You could also remove the "was" as below:
She heard a low moaning she couldn't tell whether (delete-was) human or animal.
There, kneeling on the ground was a young woman, not much older than she(her).
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
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Thank you, apky. It was really a difficult three chapters, though in the real world, it was all part of one.
It will take a much more positive turn now, but needed to have a rough start to set up the rest of the book.
I'll work on that sentence, thanks!
Rhonda
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
PLease let us know in your writing later on what the other girl was like and why it was so important to trade babys. This is very different but excpetional
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
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PLease let us know in your writing later on what the other girl was like and why it was so important to trade babys. This is very different but excpetional
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
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Oh yeah, we'll hear a lot about her and why she made the choice she did.
Thanks so much for you wonderful review!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine chapter, Rhonda--ah, the old 'Musical Babies', huh? fourteen? My, that's very young, Mom could be her older sister. Very scary when you think about it; most fourteen year old's I know...?
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
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Another fine chapter, Rhonda--ah, the old 'Musical Babies', huh? fourteen? My, that's very young, Mom could be her older sister. Very scary when you think about it; most fourteen year old's I know...?
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
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I've based all the characters on people I've known. The 14 year old was molested, and raised the child herself, although she did have it in a hospital. lol.
Thanks for the review, my friend!
Comment from Sharon Haiste
Wow, you were right. It was not at all what I expected.
Lots of twists and surprises. Well done.
Is this it? The end?
Sharon
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
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Wow, you were right. It was not at all what I expected.
Lots of twists and surprises. Well done.
Is this it? The end?
Sharon
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
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It is definitely not the end. It is a novel, and I typically write pretty long novels. There's still a lot of story left. Lina has to find out who she is, and what her place is in the world.
I do appreciate you continuing to follow the story!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Cowgirl.
Two in a row... I'm gettin' clever lol.
Love the picture.
I'd be inclined to put an "End of last chapter" in to remind readers where they were up to.
"It's my birthday. Come on, July 1st shouldn't be for picking." (lol.)
"and we are lucky he lets us stay here free of rent." (Maybe just say "rent free.")
"Tell me about my birth again," (Ah, well placed.)
***
"Who is my father?"
Lina leaned back against a tree trunk as though settling in for a long story.
"I don't know..."( That must be the hardest thing to explain, I reckon.)
***
"He was the most perfect and beautiful thing she had ever seen." (Oops! The plot thickens!)
"but he would blame her, saying she was incapable of doing anything right." (Most likely... creep!)
"Can I help?" Mindy asked. She didn't know what else to say." (Wow, that's a tough situation.)
"Good-bye Chance," she said, and turned back to the cornfield to clean her moonlit mess." (Sad, but, beautiful.)
What a heart rending chapter, Padna.
No spags that I could see and very touching stuff. Talk about "chance" huh?
Great work.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
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G'day Cowgirl.
Two in a row... I'm gettin' clever lol.
Love the picture.
I'd be inclined to put an "End of last chapter" in to remind readers where they were up to.
"It's my birthday. Come on, July 1st shouldn't be for picking." (lol.)
"and we are lucky he lets us stay here free of rent." (Maybe just say "rent free.")
"Tell me about my birth again," (Ah, well placed.)
***
"Who is my father?"
Lina leaned back against a tree trunk as though settling in for a long story.
"I don't know..."( That must be the hardest thing to explain, I reckon.)
***
"He was the most perfect and beautiful thing she had ever seen." (Oops! The plot thickens!)
"but he would blame her, saying she was incapable of doing anything right." (Most likely... creep!)
"Can I help?" Mindy asked. She didn't know what else to say." (Wow, that's a tough situation.)
"Good-bye Chance," she said, and turned back to the cornfield to clean her moonlit mess." (Sad, but, beautiful.)
What a heart rending chapter, Padna.
No spags that I could see and very touching stuff. Talk about "chance" huh?
Great work.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
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Thank you, Padna. I love the six stars and the incredibly witty responses. I should include them in the books like you do on yours.
Your reviews are almost as fun to read as your chapters. Which, by the way, I'm waiting for another!!
Kumusta to the Kwalas,
Cowgirl
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Always welcome, mate.
I started on the next chapter this morning at 5am, but a siesta got in the way lol.
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Yeah, they get in my way sometimes too! hehe.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Rhonda
= Indeed, you called it well when you said the first few chapters would be intense, but in a good way for sure.
= Fast reading chapter, which I thoroughly enjoyed.
= Looking forward to the next one.
Cheers, J
*** Happy Holidays ***
(*.*) A Smile Is Just A Smile Turned Upside-down (*.*)
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
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Hi, Rhonda
= Indeed, you called it well when you said the first few chapters would be intense, but in a good way for sure.
= Fast reading chapter, which I thoroughly enjoyed.
= Looking forward to the next one.
Cheers, J
*** Happy Holidays ***
(*.*) A Smile Is Just A Smile Turned Upside-down (*.*)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
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Thank you so much for your review and comments. It'll probably be a few days before the next chapter as I will be doing a lot of cooking and entertaining. The grandbaby will be here, and that takes lots of energy. haha.
I do really appreciate you!
Rhonda
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks a sad experience of giving birth a baby, after a plethora of tussles and situations stand on the way of living but Mindy got a girl at the irony babe was not the child of her rapist, she could keep her; I liked.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
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This speaks a sad experience of giving birth a baby, after a plethora of tussles and situations stand on the way of living but Mindy got a girl at the irony babe was not the child of her rapist, she could keep her; I liked.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
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Thank you so much, my Dear. I am so glad you liked it. I really went out on a limb taking a pretty intense subject on at the front of a book, but it plays a lot in the book's life and death theme. It is a book of extremes.
Thanks again,
Rhonda
