Free Verse Collection 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Time is Kept Inside"selections for seal submission
39 total reviews
Comment from apky
I like the hilarious free verse very much. And that not only because it had me roaring - right from the first glimpse of the picture. I guess I'll one day get there; where I see somebody else in the mirror, the somebody else I knew a while ago.
The verses were musical, so much so I could hear Pan's flute mixed with the jazzy tunes.
Excellent, Michael.
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I like the hilarious free verse very much. And that not only because it had me roaring - right from the first glimpse of the picture. I guess I'll one day get there; where I see somebody else in the mirror, the somebody else I knew a while ago.
The verses were musical, so much so I could hear Pan's flute mixed with the jazzy tunes.
Excellent, Michael.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2017
Comment from Nika2016
A very satirical look at the later years of life by someone with a cynical attitude? One asks why one would want to remove the joy that others may feel? Each life is different and some glean more than others from time. The understanding arising from this piece is that the author feels cheated by time, but the same time may present opportunities to others whether taken advantage of or not. Of course, since I do not know you, personally, I may be off the mark...
Having said that, the passion shines through with the satire...I love the Stones and always have...but Mick's legs do not belong on stage in shorts...
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A very satirical look at the later years of life by someone with a cynical attitude? One asks why one would want to remove the joy that others may feel? Each life is different and some glean more than others from time. The understanding arising from this piece is that the author feels cheated by time, but the same time may present opportunities to others whether taken advantage of or not. Of course, since I do not know you, personally, I may be off the mark...
Having said that, the passion shines through with the satire...I love the Stones and always have...but Mick's legs do not belong on stage in shorts...
Comment Written 16-Nov-2017
Comment from Gloria ....
I love the use of language, as I too much appreciate a little dab'll''do ya, wop bop a loo op and all around the mulberry bush.
The musicality of this piece makes it amusing even though flecked with footnotes of disappointment.
Peter Pan had silver hair?! Yeesh, another myth destroyed. lol.
Great job and great contest idea. I'm sure there will be droves waiting to talk about the Joy of aging.
Exceptional!
Ange
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I love the use of language, as I too much appreciate a little dab'll''do ya, wop bop a loo op and all around the mulberry bush.
The musicality of this piece makes it amusing even though flecked with footnotes of disappointment.
Peter Pan had silver hair?! Yeesh, another myth destroyed. lol.
Great job and great contest idea. I'm sure there will be droves waiting to talk about the Joy of aging.
Exceptional!
Ange
Comment Written 16-Nov-2017
Comment from artemis53
Sorry. I'm still laughing and it feels great since I haven't done so lately. I know that song but can't remember if it was "High Tides" or the first one with "King Bee." Give me a break. I was 10 when I saw "The Doors" but much too young for Woodstock ( Oh, no. We'll have nothing of that, Missy). Well, Ghost...you've tripped me out for the night. Sweet dreams to you (Dream on, Dream On, Dream on, Dream until your dreams come true) LOL.
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Sorry. I'm still laughing and it feels great since I haven't done so lately. I know that song but can't remember if it was "High Tides" or the first one with "King Bee." Give me a break. I was 10 when I saw "The Doors" but much too young for Woodstock ( Oh, no. We'll have nothing of that, Missy). Well, Ghost...you've tripped me out for the night. Sweet dreams to you (Dream on, Dream On, Dream on, Dream until your dreams come true) LOL.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2017
Comment from smileycloud
YAY
now THAT is free verse
Love the musings
the interuptions
the forgiveness
the pride sorrow false memories self talk
all great work in the age of letting go while grasping tight to the past
have a smiley day
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YAY
now THAT is free verse
Love the musings
the interuptions
the forgiveness
the pride sorrow false memories self talk
all great work in the age of letting go while grasping tight to the past
have a smiley day
Comment Written 16-Nov-2017
Comment from sandy montgomery
Hmm. Well I like the piece very much. It has a jazzy feel to it. I enjoyed the repition of sounds and the images through out. I really didn't pick up that it was about aging until I got to the sections about Peter Pan. I like that it has a mystery and an ambiguity to it. Good luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing your work.
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Hmm. Well I like the piece very much. It has a jazzy feel to it. I enjoyed the repition of sounds and the images through out. I really didn't pick up that it was about aging until I got to the sections about Peter Pan. I like that it has a mystery and an ambiguity to it. Good luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing your work.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2017
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Oh my, a rant and a mighty fine free verse rant making it seem that the young man is progressing older and remembering as he does. A fun piece of things said and remembered as one ages. Nicely done...moves quick when read, brisk and with fun meaning
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Oh my, a rant and a mighty fine free verse rant making it seem that the young man is progressing older and remembering as he does. A fun piece of things said and remembered as one ages. Nicely done...moves quick when read, brisk and with fun meaning
Comment Written 15-Nov-2017
Comment from frierajac
We liked the presentation. We are at a loss though regarding the story of the man in the mirror. It seems like a lament, and yet it isn't. It is like a conversation one holds with only one's own soul looking out to the Great Beyond.
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We liked the presentation. We are at a loss though regarding the story of the man in the mirror. It seems like a lament, and yet it isn't. It is like a conversation one holds with only one's own soul looking out to the Great Beyond.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2017
Comment from Wabigoon
Mikey--
Well this just appeared here in the upper echelons of the first page. I like a whole lot of this. I do think it is about you in some respect. It flows easily and I think the point is easy to determine given the picture. Don't know if that is you but I would look much like that peering at a younger self. Is it too long? I don't know, maybe for this site, but then who are you writing for? Despite the fact it is "free verse," etc. I find some of your poeticisms unnecessary except, perhaps, as nostalgia, stuff the young guy thought might work, at least catch the girls' attention! Shit, gotta do something!
Thanks, enjoyed it. Here are a couple of points:
you find yourself
within Just found these lines unnecessary.
you()r ruler of I think you mean "you're" rule of
Best
Jeff
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Mikey--
Well this just appeared here in the upper echelons of the first page. I like a whole lot of this. I do think it is about you in some respect. It flows easily and I think the point is easy to determine given the picture. Don't know if that is you but I would look much like that peering at a younger self. Is it too long? I don't know, maybe for this site, but then who are you writing for? Despite the fact it is "free verse," etc. I find some of your poeticisms unnecessary except, perhaps, as nostalgia, stuff the young guy thought might work, at least catch the girls' attention! Shit, gotta do something!
Thanks, enjoyed it. Here are a couple of points:
you find yourself
within Just found these lines unnecessary.
you()r ruler of I think you mean "you're" rule of
Best
Jeff
Comment Written 15-Nov-2017
Comment from dragonpoet
This seems to be a old man looking in the mirror and seeing what his life has brought him to be. He doesn't like it. He played around and had no really serious relationships or maybe no real relationships at all. He is lonely and seems mad now.
You have some good metaphors.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
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This seems to be a old man looking in the mirror and seeing what his life has brought him to be. He doesn't like it. He played around and had no really serious relationships or maybe no real relationships at all. He is lonely and seems mad now.
You have some good metaphors.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 15-Nov-2017
