The Cardinal
A poignant moment from my childhood.45 total reviews
Comment from Ricky1024
This is true story contest entry was well written about the card on the death of it to me I think when you meant to put your foot down on the pedal to start you meant you put your foot down on the pedal to stop that would be the only grammar issue that I could find in this well-written peace and good luck with this doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
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This is true story contest entry was well written about the card on the death of it to me I think when you meant to put your foot down on the pedal to start you meant you put your foot down on the pedal to stop that would be the only grammar issue that I could find in this well-written peace and good luck with this doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 09-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
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Thank you, Ricky, for your kind review. I was just about to ride the bike when I saw him. God Bless you.
Comment from RodG
What you have given us here is a summary of what happened one day in your life when as a child you saw a cardinal grieving for its dead mate. Now that is WHAT happened. For this contest you will want to add details that capture the whole moment. You begin well by describing the kind of day it was. But let's take a bit of time to tell us about YOU. What kind of girl were you at the time. Then describe the scene with the bird adding more details. Finally, tell us the effect this experience had on you. What did you learn about life & death & grieving?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2017
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What you have given us here is a summary of what happened one day in your life when as a child you saw a cardinal grieving for its dead mate. Now that is WHAT happened. For this contest you will want to add details that capture the whole moment. You begin well by describing the kind of day it was. But let's take a bit of time to tell us about YOU. What kind of girl were you at the time. Then describe the scene with the bird adding more details. Finally, tell us the effect this experience had on you. What did you learn about life & death & grieving?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2017
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When someone writes a story about their experience, if it is written well you can get a sense of the effect this moment had on them. This is not a essay. I feel your rating was to low. Thanks for the feedback.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements nicely. Cardinals are one of my favorites and I take care of five families (special housing and feeders for them) in my backyard. They bring peace and are a sign of the Holy Spirit's presence. You have a small typo to take a look at:
"bike peddle" - should be 'bike pedal'.
All the best in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2017
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This meets the contest requirements nicely. Cardinals are one of my favorites and I take care of five families (special housing and feeders for them) in my backyard. They bring peace and are a sign of the Holy Spirit's presence. You have a small typo to take a look at:
"bike peddle" - should be 'bike pedal'.
All the best in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2017
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Thank you for your feedback I really appreciate it. All the best!
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there;
Thank you for sharing your entry in the True Story Contest. This is a profound memory and it made me sad to think about the cardinal losing his mate. Well done and good luck in the contest,
~patty~
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2017
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Hi there;
Thank you for sharing your entry in the True Story Contest. This is a profound memory and it made me sad to think about the cardinal losing his mate. Well done and good luck in the contest,
~patty~
Comment Written 09-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2017
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Thank you very much for your thoughtful review. All the best, Laura
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks a bizarre experience in life and a poignant moment from the childhood that cardinals mate for life, their death is so memorable indeed expressed; I liked.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2017
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This speaks a bizarre experience in life and a poignant moment from the childhood that cardinals mate for life, their death is so memorable indeed expressed; I liked.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2017
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Thank you for your kind review, I appreciate it so much, Laura.
Comment from dracofelsinensis
Aged 8 years, you could almost believe in your own immortality and look forward to many happy fun-filled days stretching out ahead. Then something like this happens, or perhaps the loss of a family pet, and you learn an important lesson. You captured the moment very well.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2017
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Aged 8 years, you could almost believe in your own immortality and look forward to many happy fun-filled days stretching out ahead. Then something like this happens, or perhaps the loss of a family pet, and you learn an important lesson. You captured the moment very well.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2017
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Thank you so much for your insightful review.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
Wow, a special moment shared for sure.
It's a good story, well told.
Thank you for sharing that and good luck in the contest.
Sharon
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2017
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Wow, a special moment shared for sure.
It's a good story, well told.
Thank you for sharing that and good luck in the contest.
Sharon
Comment Written 06-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2017
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Thanks so much Sharon.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
It may be an idea to change your categories for this piece. You've entered it into a true story contest but it is categorised as general fiction.
at my grandmothers Lake Simcoe - grandmother's.
A very sad tale. people underestimate animals capacity for love and feeling.
GMG
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2017
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Hi there,
It may be an idea to change your categories for this piece. You've entered it into a true story contest but it is categorised as general fiction.
at my grandmothers Lake Simcoe - grandmother's.
A very sad tale. people underestimate animals capacity for love and feeling.
GMG
Comment Written 06-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2017
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Thanks for your review, the comments were helpful. I made the suggested changes, thanks again.
Comment from MTF1955
Touching story. Just this one sentence:o be looking down at something on(the) road. That moment stayed with you all your life. Mary
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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Touching story. Just this one sentence:o be looking down at something on(the) road. That moment stayed with you all your life. Mary
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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Thanks for this.
Comment from zanya
This is simply an exquisite tale told with such frankness and power of description - the reader is sharing the moment and the 'action' as it happens - quite a feat - and the conclusion is simply heart-warming
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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This is simply an exquisite tale told with such frankness and power of description - the reader is sharing the moment and the 'action' as it happens - quite a feat - and the conclusion is simply heart-warming
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful review.
