Whenever Terror Strikes
A response to attacks77 total reviews
Comment from oliver818
I enjoyed this poem and i like how relevant it is. Terror is everywhere, and it doesn't seem to be getting betterã??thanks for sharing this and have yourself a really great day
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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I enjoyed this poem and i like how relevant it is. Terror is everywhere, and it doesn't seem to be getting betterã??thanks for sharing this and have yourself a really great day
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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Yes, Oliver, terrorism is everywhere. Texas just had a gunman kill twenty-eight at a church today. Thank you for your review of my relevant poem.
Comment from papa55mike
This amazing poem is so well written. It really capture the times we live in. I still haven't figured out when hate became so prevalent in all societies. I guess it was always there, just waiting for the chance to emerge.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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This amazing poem is so well written. It really capture the times we live in. I still haven't figured out when hate became so prevalent in all societies. I guess it was always there, just waiting for the chance to emerge.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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Yes, Mike, I still haven't figured out why hate has become so prevalent. Texas just had a gunman today kill twenty-eight people during a church service. When will this all end? Thank you for your generous, six star review.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
A good poem with good rhythm, flow, and rhyming.
The message is clear.
It's truly a terrible thing that innocent people live in fear.
Thank you for sharing this and good luck with your competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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A good poem with good rhythm, flow, and rhyming.
The message is clear.
It's truly a terrible thing that innocent people live in fear.
Thank you for sharing this and good luck with your competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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Thank you, Sharon, for your review of my topical sonnet. We are just learning today that a gunman killed twenty-eight at a Texas church. Thank you for your detailed review and for wishing me luck in the competition.
Comment from jaded831
Your poem captures the heart of New York residents. I lived there for 29 years, through serial killers, terrorist attacks, and more, but always came out stronger. Your poem is smooth and touches the soul, most poems just touch the heart, but your poem is deeper. Thanks for sharing your wonderful talent.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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Your poem captures the heart of New York residents. I lived there for 29 years, through serial killers, terrorist attacks, and more, but always came out stronger. Your poem is smooth and touches the soul, most poems just touch the heart, but your poem is deeper. Thanks for sharing your wonderful talent.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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Yes, jaded831, this was a hard poem for me to write from an emotional point of view because I have to look into the heart of the pain and loss. You cannot write this poem on technique alone. You have to speak to our vulnerability and to our strength.
Thank you for your generous, six star review.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Sis Cat, you tell a very relevant story with this good sonnet. I love your final couplet. In you second stanza, line two is not iambic pentameter which is an important feature of a sonnet, and it only has 9 syllables. It should be easy to edit. Also in stanza two 'The dripping wax....recall' should be 'recalls'. I love what you have written - the content is so good. I will be happy to upgrade when you edit. Let me know. Warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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Hi Sis Cat, you tell a very relevant story with this good sonnet. I love your final couplet. In you second stanza, line two is not iambic pentameter which is an important feature of a sonnet, and it only has 9 syllables. It should be easy to edit. Also in stanza two 'The dripping wax....recall' should be 'recalls'. I love what you have written - the content is so good. I will be happy to upgrade when you edit. Let me know. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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Dorothy, you have a very keen eye. Thank you for your edits which I have made including this tweak:
"And hold aloft the candles' golden flame."
I appreciate your review and upgrade of a relevant story and good sonnet.
Thank you once again.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written heartfelt porm about the terror attacks. The terrorists are selfish cowards that attack unarmed innocent people with fatal vehicles that take many lives with one brutal attack.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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A very well-written heartfelt porm about the terror attacks. The terrorists are selfish cowards that attack unarmed innocent people with fatal vehicles that take many lives with one brutal attack.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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Yes, Sandra, terrorists are selfish cowards. Thank you for your review of my heartfelt poem about their attacks.
Comment from rama devi
Potent and pertinent theme, my friend. So sad, the terror of our times. Great presentation. Fine sonnet composition style with strong closing couplet and an effective volta. Good poetic phonetics in phrasing. Outstanding flow with enjambment and near-flawless meter. Excellent rhymes. Excellent imagery.
I like the internal near rhyme assonance plus consonance of loss and aloft here as well as the assonance of I and consonance of S and L, but please note one meter issue (missing syllable remedied by adding THE) and one spag typo (recall should be recalls):
We gather, hand in hand, for loss enshrined
or hold aloft (the)candles' golden flame.
The dripping wax upon our skin in-kind
recall(s) our lives will never be the same.
LOVE THIS STANZA and the creative rhyming plus fantastic phonetics read aloud:
In time, surviving souls absorb attacks
and life returns to norm when peace beguiles.
Instead of crowding exits, folks relax
and force upon their lips distracted smiles.
* awesome closing couplet (note one optional suggestion):
With each attack(,) our fears emerge again
when terror's guts and gore bestain the slain.
Almost a six.
Bravo
Warmly, rd
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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Potent and pertinent theme, my friend. So sad, the terror of our times. Great presentation. Fine sonnet composition style with strong closing couplet and an effective volta. Good poetic phonetics in phrasing. Outstanding flow with enjambment and near-flawless meter. Excellent rhymes. Excellent imagery.
I like the internal near rhyme assonance plus consonance of loss and aloft here as well as the assonance of I and consonance of S and L, but please note one meter issue (missing syllable remedied by adding THE) and one spag typo (recall should be recalls):
We gather, hand in hand, for loss enshrined
or hold aloft (the)candles' golden flame.
The dripping wax upon our skin in-kind
recall(s) our lives will never be the same.
LOVE THIS STANZA and the creative rhyming plus fantastic phonetics read aloud:
In time, surviving souls absorb attacks
and life returns to norm when peace beguiles.
Instead of crowding exits, folks relax
and force upon their lips distracted smiles.
* awesome closing couplet (note one optional suggestion):
With each attack(,) our fears emerge again
when terror's guts and gore bestain the slain.
Almost a six.
Bravo
Warmly, rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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Thank you, Rama, for your detailed, passionate review and edits. I have made the changes, polishing my almost six poem. You are such a great, knowledgeable poet that I look forward to your reviews to correct anything I missed and point out the areas that resonated with you. This poem looks like magic but it was two weeks of deep, hard work which wrapped up in a day when I allowed the poem to take the form of a sonnet.
Thank you for your detailed review and edits. I much appreciate them.
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Thanks for your super gracious response, my friend. I really appreciate your kind words and am so happy to be of help. Blessings, rd
