Sleep Interrupted
A very dark interruption at that!21 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem. When a bad dream interrupts our skeep it can be upsetting when we try to figure out what all that disturbing things in our dream means. Sometimes it feel it all happen in real life.
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A very well-written poem. When a bad dream interrupts our skeep it can be upsetting when we try to figure out what all that disturbing things in our dream means. Sometimes it feel it all happen in real life.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
Comment from Sharon Haiste
What terrible dreams you must have to write a poem so dire as this.
Well written, well rhymed, and the message is clear.
Well done.
Sharon
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What terrible dreams you must have to write a poem so dire as this.
Well written, well rhymed, and the message is clear.
Well done.
Sharon
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
Comment from Tim0443
Powerful imagery, with deep meaning and substance. This is another one of yours that I will need to read several times to fully absorb it. The way you have tied the curse of sin to the heaving and groaning of the earth is quite remarkable. There is nothing I can add that would improve this outstanding work, both in its articulation, and conclusion.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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Powerful imagery, with deep meaning and substance. This is another one of yours that I will need to read several times to fully absorb it. The way you have tied the curse of sin to the heaving and groaning of the earth is quite remarkable. There is nothing I can add that would improve this outstanding work, both in its articulation, and conclusion.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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Hi Tim. I am really gratified by your astute comments indicating not only your love of poetics but firm understand versification. I thank you very much for the six stars and your time and review.
Tom
Comment from Liberty Justice
WHOA, EASY, what a pure Masterpiece, belched out by a genius. You were on a role with this piece, as you entered the dark world of evil and horror. Your poem held me spell-bound with its mysterious conversation with evil forces, as I knew I might have to jump up and run out of my seat at any momenet. WELL DONE as you challenge these evil forces. Good luck in contest. This looks like a winner! lol liberty justice
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WHOA, EASY, what a pure Masterpiece, belched out by a genius. You were on a role with this piece, as you entered the dark world of evil and horror. Your poem held me spell-bound with its mysterious conversation with evil forces, as I knew I might have to jump up and run out of my seat at any momenet. WELL DONE as you challenge these evil forces. Good luck in contest. This looks like a winner! lol liberty justice
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
Comment from rama devi
This is INTENSE, dear Tom. Powerfully voiced, flawless meter, fantastic phonetics, great rhymes and internal rhymes.
NOTES
O dark dramatic dreams(,) I plead thee gone
POTENT:
No more the sick sadistic bleeds at dawn
Where wounds have bared the marrow of my bone.
*
It belches from the bowels of m(M)other e(E)arth
Fine alliteration of E. F and C here:
Eccentric in corrupted brutal fates
For you must change and carve a righteous course
And do not play the horrid game that waits
Or let the evil eye exude its force.
Outstanding rhyme, internal rhyme and imagery:
What sin have I that brought thee to my door?
My eyes can see but need your clarity!
I smell your Master's hell inside His whore;
A stench that strips the truth from sanity.
*good penultimate stanza--potent theme. Good rhymes but I usually advise against love and above - too cliche. however, you've used them well:
If force of evil fails this time to cope
With silver-winged destroyers from above,
That's when your Master then will have no hope
While crowns of evil drown in God's pure love.
*
The bannished beast is cast unto the vast
banished
Perfect closing note--powertul:
Eternity of blackness come at last.
Wow.
Bravo.
Warmly, rd
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This is INTENSE, dear Tom. Powerfully voiced, flawless meter, fantastic phonetics, great rhymes and internal rhymes.
NOTES
O dark dramatic dreams(,) I plead thee gone
POTENT:
No more the sick sadistic bleeds at dawn
Where wounds have bared the marrow of my bone.
*
It belches from the bowels of m(M)other e(E)arth
Fine alliteration of E. F and C here:
Eccentric in corrupted brutal fates
For you must change and carve a righteous course
And do not play the horrid game that waits
Or let the evil eye exude its force.
Outstanding rhyme, internal rhyme and imagery:
What sin have I that brought thee to my door?
My eyes can see but need your clarity!
I smell your Master's hell inside His whore;
A stench that strips the truth from sanity.
*good penultimate stanza--potent theme. Good rhymes but I usually advise against love and above - too cliche. however, you've used them well:
If force of evil fails this time to cope
With silver-winged destroyers from above,
That's when your Master then will have no hope
While crowns of evil drown in God's pure love.
*
The bannished beast is cast unto the vast
banished
Perfect closing note--powertul:
Eternity of blackness come at last.
Wow.
Bravo.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
Comment from papa55mike
That is amazing! Wonderfully written and I love the rhyme. There's a simplicity to the style that I really love. I've always said that the poets on this site are ahead of their time. I believe you could win a contest or two on this site.
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
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That is amazing! Wonderfully written and I love the rhyme. There's a simplicity to the style that I really love. I've always said that the poets on this site are ahead of their time. I believe you could win a contest or two on this site.
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Tom, another very strong poem describing in a most unbelievably admirable way the effects of interrupted sleep. Good final couplet - dramatic way of describing falling asleep at last LOL. An enjoyable read. Line two, stanza two - your iambic pentameter is out. 'the' instead of 'mother', would put it in iambic p. but just a suggestion, you may find another way. Excellent poem. Warm regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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Hi Tom, another very strong poem describing in a most unbelievably admirable way the effects of interrupted sleep. Good final couplet - dramatic way of describing falling asleep at last LOL. An enjoyable read. Line two, stanza two - your iambic pentameter is out. 'the' instead of 'mother', would put it in iambic p. but just a suggestion, you may find another way. Excellent poem. Warm regards Dorothy
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2017
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I changed that Dorothy to "It belches from the depths of Mother Earth." Great catch my friend and that is how to review. Great job
dear Dorothy. Thank you. tom
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Tom;
You've expressed your thoughts well in this sonnet, and I think it echoes the feeling of losing the dream well. I enjoyed this piece and felt the explanation of my nightmares which usually dispel quickly when I open my eyes,
~patty~
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Hi, Tom;
You've expressed your thoughts well in this sonnet, and I think it echoes the feeling of losing the dream well. I enjoyed this piece and felt the explanation of my nightmares which usually dispel quickly when I open my eyes,
~patty~
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
Comment from robyn corum
EE,
I have come to admire and enjoy your 'easy' way with the more classically-written forms of poetry. Your meter and rhyme are always charming and creative. Especially when you add so many other great poetic tools to make your poems dance. *smile* This, too, I enjoyed!
Two tiny notes, if you please:
1.) The (banished) beast is cast unto the vast
2.) favorite lines:
O dark dramatic dreams I plead thee gone
To leave this tortured mind at last alone.
No more the sick sadistic bleeds at dawn
Where wounds have bared the marrow of my bone.
Thanks so much!
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EE,
I have come to admire and enjoy your 'easy' way with the more classically-written forms of poetry. Your meter and rhyme are always charming and creative. Especially when you add so many other great poetic tools to make your poems dance. *smile* This, too, I enjoyed!
Two tiny notes, if you please:
1.) The (banished) beast is cast unto the vast
2.) favorite lines:
O dark dramatic dreams I plead thee gone
To leave this tortured mind at last alone.
No more the sick sadistic bleeds at dawn
Where wounds have bared the marrow of my bone.
Thanks so much!
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I love it when even when the author includes a great set of notes, it still means nothing to me. lol
Recurrent nightmares are from hell indeed, when one simply yearns for the blankness of an undisturbed night.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Hi there,
I love it when even when the author includes a great set of notes, it still means nothing to me. lol
Recurrent nightmares are from hell indeed, when one simply yearns for the blankness of an undisturbed night.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
