Lipstick Murders
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Horrid Beginning"Being wronged by her husband, Anna seeks revenge.
12 total reviews
Comment from hvysmker
It had lipstick smears on the collar and smells like cheap perfume. *** has
Give up my honey's are you out of your freaking mind?
*** I'd split the sentence after "honeys" No apostrophe.
What about our love our marriage?
*** Comma after "love"
You what your damn sluts well then you can have them, I'm done. *** How about: You what your damn sluts? Well, then, you can have them. I'm done.
So you can swindle me out of my inheritance, I don't think so.
*** Split after "inheritance"
THE DOOR SQEEKS OPEN, HEAVY FOOTSTEPS COMES DOWN THE STAIRS. *** squeaks
I don't know anything about scripts, Misty. I have no way to judge words like "INT". To me, they're as incomprehensible as modern poetry.
Charlie
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2017
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It had lipstick smears on the collar and smells like cheap perfume. *** has
Give up my honey's are you out of your freaking mind?
*** I'd split the sentence after "honeys" No apostrophe.
What about our love our marriage?
*** Comma after "love"
You what your damn sluts well then you can have them, I'm done. *** How about: You what your damn sluts? Well, then, you can have them. I'm done.
So you can swindle me out of my inheritance, I don't think so.
*** Split after "inheritance"
THE DOOR SQEEKS OPEN, HEAVY FOOTSTEPS COMES DOWN THE STAIRS. *** squeaks
I don't know anything about scripts, Misty. I have no way to judge words like "INT". To me, they're as incomprehensible as modern poetry.
Charlie
Comment Written 04-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2017
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Thank you for your helpful review, I changed what you suggested. Catching all my grammar errors is more help than you know. INT is interior EXT is exterior cut to is going to the next scene. That's all I know, for now, I'm still learning by the sound of the other reviews I have a long way to go.
Thanks again for all your help and support it's always greatly appreciated.
Comment from Hitcher
Well done friend, I wouldn't know where to start as far as scripts go. Your intro of your two main characters was great, you allowed the reader to see the depths of their dysfunctional relationship and the darker side of Brad. You have given Anna purpose( i'm guessing she is going to become the serial killer?)
I did notice a little nit
INT stairway at the mansion. Anna is crying as she's carrying a small suitcase down the stair. Brad storms into the room.
Anna is carrying a small suitcase down the stairwell then Brad storms into the room, I thought she was in the stairwell?
Great effort!!
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reply by the author on 04-Nov-2017
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Well done friend, I wouldn't know where to start as far as scripts go. Your intro of your two main characters was great, you allowed the reader to see the depths of their dysfunctional relationship and the darker side of Brad. You have given Anna purpose( i'm guessing she is going to become the serial killer?)
I did notice a little nit
INT stairway at the mansion. Anna is crying as she's carrying a small suitcase down the stair. Brad storms into the room.
Anna is carrying a small suitcase down the stairwell then Brad storms into the room, I thought she was in the stairwell?
Great effort!!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2017
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Thank you for your wonderful review. I was so nervous, not sure if it's any good. I changed the part to INT mansion. Anna is crying as she's carrying a small suitcase down the stairs. Brad storms out of the study and glances up at Anna. Is that better?
Thank you again for your nice review and catching my mistake, take care.
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Much better :))
