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Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Curse"A Romantic, Superhero-like, Geek Horror story.
18 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
Your cryptic writing style and use of the present tense give this writing urgency and pace. I like it.
Just one minor thing I noticed:
Windcharger advises the boy, "this [This] is the one you can't lose.
You have some great descriptive phrases. I especially liked:
Unnoticed, a blackness from the door oozes below his feet like blood pooling from a fresh slaughter. With the quickness of a bear trap, a dark crooked arm clenches his ankle.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Your cryptic writing style and use of the present tense give this writing urgency and pace. I like it.
Just one minor thing I noticed:
Windcharger advises the boy, "this [This] is the one you can't lose.
You have some great descriptive phrases. I especially liked:
Unnoticed, a blackness from the door oozes below his feet like blood pooling from a fresh slaughter. With the quickness of a bear trap, a dark crooked arm clenches his ankle.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Thank you for your encouraging and supportive review. It?s exciting to hear as an amateur author. :)
God Bless!
Comment from Lance S. Loria
Good story. I was running with him at first and didn't realize the dream until prompted. You may want to fix so character problems in the Author Notes. This happens to me frequently. I enjoyed the read and hope he got some sleep! No other edits or adjustments necessary.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Good story. I was running with him at first and didn't realize the dream until prompted. You may want to fix so character problems in the Author Notes. This happens to me frequently. I enjoyed the read and hope he got some sleep! No other edits or adjustments necessary.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Thank you for the kind review and generous stars. I was afraid of promoting a chapter that?s already deep into the novel. Thank you again.
Comment from L. A. Stanley
Your choice of words in your story are very creative, descriptive, and they instill feeling. I can feel the "failure" in the boy and it makes me sad. I can feel the innocence and unawareness of "evil" in the baby sister. Well done! I'm not sure who the other characters are, or what exactly they mean and it's confusing to me, but that's because I've come across a chapter in a book that's not the beginning. You've increased my curiosity, and now I'm interested in "A Bolt of Blue."
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Your choice of words in your story are very creative, descriptive, and they instill feeling. I can feel the "failure" in the boy and it makes me sad. I can feel the innocence and unawareness of "evil" in the baby sister. Well done! I'm not sure who the other characters are, or what exactly they mean and it's confusing to me, but that's because I've come across a chapter in a book that's not the beginning. You've increased my curiosity, and now I'm interested in "A Bolt of Blue."
Comment Written 26-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Thank you. It?s never a good idea to come into the middle a read. I understand. But, thank you for taking the time to give me an encouraging review. :) Much appreciated.
Comment from Bill Pinder
I like how you develop the story of the main character's sacrifice of himself in order to save his little sister. That is a great expression of the character of Christ, and that is what would really advance God's kingdom on this earth and make a difference. Thanks for sharing this creative work. I look forward to reading more of your story. You do a good job of capturing and maintaining the readers interest. Interesting touch to include specific Christian songs also.
Bill
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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I like how you develop the story of the main character's sacrifice of himself in order to save his little sister. That is a great expression of the character of Christ, and that is what would really advance God's kingdom on this earth and make a difference. Thanks for sharing this creative work. I look forward to reading more of your story. You do a good job of capturing and maintaining the readers interest. Interesting touch to include specific Christian songs also.
Bill
Comment Written 26-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Thank you. I agree. The world is in need of new inspiration for the sake of the future. Hence, this is a part of the reason why I chose to partake in this project. I?m very humbled to receive your support and encouraging review. Thank you!
God Bless
Comment from susand3022
Okay now... this is pretty creepy Cybertron... is this just the beginning of something more? Oh crap! I've hit on another novel! Damn! lol I hate when I do this to myself! I'm reading so many of these things it's starting to get hard keeping them straight! But I like it, so as I'm near the beginning, I'm going back to check it out... Oh geez... here I go again! :)
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2019
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Okay now... this is pretty creepy Cybertron... is this just the beginning of something more? Oh crap! I've hit on another novel! Damn! lol I hate when I do this to myself! I'm reading so many of these things it's starting to get hard keeping them straight! But I like it, so as I'm near the beginning, I'm going back to check it out... Oh geez... here I go again! :)
Comment Written 10-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2019
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Wow! I?m very flattered to read your review and comment. I deeply thank you. I hope this story (which is ongoing) continues to appeal and enlighten you to a new world and thought. Thank you again!
Regards,
Euell
Comment from Mia Twysted
I love your story.
The descriptions you use are wonderful. I love "wail of madness" and "weight of sadness." They provided an image that sticks with me and helps me see the story much clearer.
And the sacrifice he made to save her shows he has a good heart. And it all leaves you wondering if it is or isn't actually real.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
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I love your story.
The descriptions you use are wonderful. I love "wail of madness" and "weight of sadness." They provided an image that sticks with me and helps me see the story much clearer.
And the sacrifice he made to save her shows he has a good heart. And it all leaves you wondering if it is or isn't actually real.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
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Thank you for such an uplifting and helpful review. I?m thrilled to know it related with you and that it provided that wonder for you. Awesome!
Comment from Gloria ....
Your writing is lean and moves the plot ahead without retracing steps. Using music as a stepping stone works very well.
I'm not familiar with which series or movie your FanFiction is based on, but it's a very good read.
Gloria
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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Your writing is lean and moves the plot ahead without retracing steps. Using music as a stepping stone works very well.
I'm not familiar with which series or movie your FanFiction is based on, but it's a very good read.
Gloria
Comment Written 07-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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Thank you. I hope you are able to read previous and later chapters in this novel. Your review is greatly appreciated and embraced. Thank you again.
Comment from Shirley McLain
A very intense story with lots of action. I had to read it to the last word and I didn't suspect it was a dream. I didn't see anything to recommend to you. Have a great night. Shirley
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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A very intense story with lots of action. I had to read it to the last word and I didn't suspect it was a dream. I didn't see anything to recommend to you. Have a great night. Shirley
Comment Written 06-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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Beautiful. Thank you for your supportive review and compliment. It has made my night.
Comment from Christine Wissner
I find your work compelling. it brings the reader into another world and give them something interesting to consider. I like that. You write very well and I wish you luck with your future as a professional author. Never give up. We all have times we fear our writing is unworthy. Fear not. Just continue to move forward.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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I find your work compelling. it brings the reader into another world and give them something interesting to consider. I like that. You write very well and I wish you luck with your future as a professional author. Never give up. We all have times we fear our writing is unworthy. Fear not. Just continue to move forward.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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Good and welcomed advice. Your review and compliment is greatly valued and embraced. I appreciate your time to read this chapter. I hope you will venture onto previous and later chapters once I have enough promote them. Thank you again.
Comment from kahpot
Another wonderful chapter, I am enjoying this very much, also knowing I am getting closer to some chapters I have already read, I will now go and read a bolt of blue as you have suggested, very well written again****kahpot
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
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Another wonderful chapter, I am enjoying this very much, also knowing I am getting closer to some chapters I have already read, I will now go and read a bolt of blue as you have suggested, very well written again****kahpot
Comment Written 21-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
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Thank you, kahpot! I?ve been making grammatical changes here and there. I?m making small steps into polishing the first chapters up, so that I can begin with the new chapters. Appreciate your attention!
