Bring Me Home (2)
We still need to keep trying27 total reviews
Comment from Patricia Crandall
You have written an excellent 5-7-5 poem. The words are poignant and full of meaning how our men and women go off to war to save the homeland and pay the ultimate sacrifice. Now left far away - says it all. Good writing.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2017
  |
You have written an excellent 5-7-5 poem. The words are poignant and full of meaning how our men and women go off to war to save the homeland and pay the ultimate sacrifice. Now left far away - says it all. Good writing.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2017
-
Thank you very much****kahpot
Comment from artemis53
What a wonderful picture paired with heart-breaking truth. My youngest Son is a Vet of Iraq and Afghanistan. He's a Blackhawk pilot and was the one summoned to pick up the wounded, dead and to gather body parts of those that he was playing cards with only a week before. This touched me.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2017
|
What a wonderful picture paired with heart-breaking truth. My youngest Son is a Vet of Iraq and Afghanistan. He's a Blackhawk pilot and was the one summoned to pick up the wounded, dead and to gather body parts of those that he was playing cards with only a week before. This touched me.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2017
-
Thank you very much, and what an experience I and many would not want****kahpot
Comment from marybell1
I enjoyed reading your 5-7-5 poem "Bring Him Home"- though sad and unfortunately too true. You followed all the rules for this genre and you chose a very appropriate picture.
All the best.
Marybell1.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2017
|
I enjoyed reading your 5-7-5 poem "Bring Him Home"- though sad and unfortunately too true. You followed all the rules for this genre and you chose a very appropriate picture.
All the best.
Marybell1.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2017
-
Thank you very much****kahpot
-
You are most welcome.
Marybell1
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Kahpot
= It is difficult--heartbreaking to think of those who died or are held captive somewhere, and unable to bring them home.
= Excellent entry in the contest. Good Luck.
Cheers, J
*** Happy Holidays ***
(*.*) A Smile Is Just A Smile Turned Upside-down (*.*)
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2017
|
Hi, Kahpot
= It is difficult--heartbreaking to think of those who died or are held captive somewhere, and unable to bring them home.
= Excellent entry in the contest. Good Luck.
Cheers, J
*** Happy Holidays ***
(*.*) A Smile Is Just A Smile Turned Upside-down (*.*)
Comment Written 22-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2017
-
Thank you very much, and yes it is heartbreaking ****kahpot
Comment from evesayshi
In my opinion, a plaintive tribute to all who serve - especially those who do not come home - those who will never lie close to the hearts of the ones they fought to protect, nor in the land they served - compliant with the prompt. Best of luck in the contest...
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2017
|
In my opinion, a plaintive tribute to all who serve - especially those who do not come home - those who will never lie close to the hearts of the ones they fought to protect, nor in the land they served - compliant with the prompt. Best of luck in the contest...
Comment Written 21-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2017
-
Thank you very much, and yes they must lie close to those who love them****kahpot
-
You are very welcome...
Comment from Kerry Foley Robinson
This is a wonderful 5-7-5 entry, my friend. It's very true and very sad.
Good luck in the contest! ~Kerry
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
|
This is a wonderful 5-7-5 entry, my friend. It's very true and very sad.
Good luck in the contest! ~Kerry
Comment Written 21-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
-
Thank you and yes it is sad****kahpot
-
Your very welcome.
Comment from rama devi
Outstanding 5-7-5. Your use of LEFT twice in different contexts presents an outstanding AHA effect that is a key element of any good 5-7-5. I would give this a six for that, except it has nits to fine tune. Heroes is misspelled. Also, I suggest using punctuation to sculpt dramatic pause more effectively. Furthermore, I suggest not capping all lines since it is one sentence.
Example edit with above suggestions:
In times of conflict,
heroes left to free their land--
now, left far away.
The theme is powerful and impacting and deftly explored. Bravo!
Since it would be a six, I give a five in spite of nits.
Good luck!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
|
Outstanding 5-7-5. Your use of LEFT twice in different contexts presents an outstanding AHA effect that is a key element of any good 5-7-5. I would give this a six for that, except it has nits to fine tune. Heroes is misspelled. Also, I suggest using punctuation to sculpt dramatic pause more effectively. Furthermore, I suggest not capping all lines since it is one sentence.
Example edit with above suggestions:
In times of conflict,
heroes left to free their land--
now, left far away.
The theme is powerful and impacting and deftly explored. Bravo!
Since it would be a six, I give a five in spite of nits.
Good luck!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 21-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
-
Thank you very much, My friend for a wonderful explanation and how to correct them, and I agree and have done so, it looks and reads better, many thanks****kahpot
-
Happy to help! :-))))
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Kahpot, a good 5/7/5 written true to form with correct syllable count. What you say is very true, but the graves are very well cared for and that is the most important thing. Very nice, appropriate picture. Good Luck - warm regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
|
Hi Kahpot, a good 5/7/5 written true to form with correct syllable count. What you say is very true, but the graves are very well cared for and that is the most important thing. Very nice, appropriate picture. Good Luck - warm regards Dorothy
Comment Written 21-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
-
Thank you very much****kahpot
Comment from B.B. Rose
I thought this was quite stellar. It took me a minute before it sank in and then I realized the play on "left" (as in went away) and "left" (as in stayed behind). That double meaning really resonates in this fine 5-7-5.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
|
I thought this was quite stellar. It took me a minute before it sank in and then I realized the play on "left" (as in went away) and "left" (as in stayed behind). That double meaning really resonates in this fine 5-7-5.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2017
-
Thank you very much and after reading your review I realized i had the comma in the wrong spot, many thanks****kahpot
Comment from Liberty Justice
STRIKING SAD PHOTO! So sad so many soldiers passed away in wars. Ought to be another way and they should be brought home, and not left in far away lands. Your poem is powerful and strikes a nerve. WELL DONE! lol liberty justice. Photo pisses me off! Check mine out, also and books.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
|
STRIKING SAD PHOTO! So sad so many soldiers passed away in wars. Ought to be another way and they should be brought home, and not left in far away lands. Your poem is powerful and strikes a nerve. WELL DONE! lol liberty justice. Photo pisses me off! Check mine out, also and books.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2017
-
Thank you very much****kahpot
