We Will Dance
When There Is That...Connection.56 total reviews
Comment from krys123
Greetings Curt;
-you poem about comforting another and to be with them always to suit their tempting and troubled thoughts and emotions is a commendable poem.
-Your use of imagery and descriptive demonstrative imagery was very effective in expressing definitively, visual aspects of a person's fears and unsettling expectation.
-The fact that you mentioned fears twice in two lines of two different verses helped me to believe that it was too repetitive to be used twice. That's unless you needed to express it more often.
-There is also the fact that whether or not you wanted the rhythm and meter to be profound enough to help with the fluidity of your poem. In this particular poem is off yet fluidity of your reading though your poem seems to be fine.
-The rhyming also help somewhat with the smoothness of your reading.
-Also the enjambment flows fairly smooth. If the ID is kept intact throughout the writing without any interruptions of syntax and grammar which is great.
-Thanks for sharing my friend and take care and have a good one.
Alex
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Greetings Curt;
-you poem about comforting another and to be with them always to suit their tempting and troubled thoughts and emotions is a commendable poem.
-Your use of imagery and descriptive demonstrative imagery was very effective in expressing definitively, visual aspects of a person's fears and unsettling expectation.
-The fact that you mentioned fears twice in two lines of two different verses helped me to believe that it was too repetitive to be used twice. That's unless you needed to express it more often.
-There is also the fact that whether or not you wanted the rhythm and meter to be profound enough to help with the fluidity of your poem. In this particular poem is off yet fluidity of your reading though your poem seems to be fine.
-The rhyming also help somewhat with the smoothness of your reading.
-Also the enjambment flows fairly smooth. If the ID is kept intact throughout the writing without any interruptions of syntax and grammar which is great.
-Thanks for sharing my friend and take care and have a good one.
Alex
Comment Written 02-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Thank you Alex,
Your thoughts are always welcome here my friend.
Curt
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Thank you very much and you are so welcome Curt.
Alex
Comment from johnwilson
I love this piece because of the honesty and caring you bring into it; however, I think the punctuation holds it back a bit, e.g., in the first stanza, third line, I think you could take out the word 'that'. Read it aloud and see. Also, put a bit more detail about why you love her, so that the reader will be moved.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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I love this piece because of the honesty and caring you bring into it; however, I think the punctuation holds it back a bit, e.g., in the first stanza, third line, I think you could take out the word 'that'. Read it aloud and see. Also, put a bit more detail about why you love her, so that the reader will be moved.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Thank you John,
Your thoughts are appreciated.
Curt
Comment from Possummagic
A lovely poem about past love and pain and how that affects us when we contemplate love again. Really well written. The structure and flow were great. I wish you luck- PM
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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A lovely poem about past love and pain and how that affects us when we contemplate love again. Really well written. The structure and flow were great. I wish you luck- PM
Comment Written 02-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Thanks!
Curt
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You?re welcome.PM
Comment from RGstar
A heartfelt write. You professed your wishes in line with the feelings that are clear. Nicely said. You need a little work with your commas to give this the full worth, but nicely done.
My best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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A heartfelt write. You professed your wishes in line with the feelings that are clear. Nicely said. You need a little work with your commas to give this the full worth, but nicely done.
My best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 02-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Thank you for your thoughts,
Curt
Comment from estory
The long lines wash over the reader like waves from the sea in this poem, and the musical elements of the poem are pretty good. the imagery is colorful and romantic, I just think its a bit traditional, it might be a little better if you picked a few more personal specific things, some personal moments, to create a little more emotion that seems more honest. Speak from past experience, and I think it will be better. estory
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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The long lines wash over the reader like waves from the sea in this poem, and the musical elements of the poem are pretty good. the imagery is colorful and romantic, I just think its a bit traditional, it might be a little better if you picked a few more personal specific things, some personal moments, to create a little more emotion that seems more honest. Speak from past experience, and I think it will be better. estory
Comment Written 02-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Thank you!
Curt
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Curt - this is a very well written love poem. Good aabb rhyme maintained throughout and the meter, heptameter is excellent (last line is out but easy to remedy) - and so well written that I think it worth editing the last line and make a perfectly lovely poem. I really enjoyed the read. Regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Hi Curt - this is a very well written love poem. Good aabb rhyme maintained throughout and the meter, heptameter is excellent (last line is out but easy to remedy) - and so well written that I think it worth editing the last line and make a perfectly lovely poem. I really enjoyed the read. Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 02-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Thank you Dorothy!
Curt
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Curt
= Lovely romantic poem about wanting to take her pain away.
= Sometimes writing that comes to us spontaneously can be our favorites.
= Nice write.
=> FYI: You may want to change -is- to -Is- since it is starting a new sentence.
- that's so unsure. is it real or just a game?
Cheers, J
Have a good day/evening!
A Smile Is A Frown Upside Town (*>*)
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Hi, Curt
= Lovely romantic poem about wanting to take her pain away.
= Sometimes writing that comes to us spontaneously can be our favorites.
= Nice write.
=> FYI: You may want to change -is- to -Is- since it is starting a new sentence.
- that's so unsure. is it real or just a game?
Cheers, J
Have a good day/evening!
A Smile Is A Frown Upside Town (*>*)
Comment Written 01-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Thank you so much,
Curt
Comment from kahpot
Excellent read and poem it really does sound like you are wanting and or waiting for someone or something to happen, a very clever write, it gets the (my)mind thinking, very well done****kahpot
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Excellent read and poem it really does sound like you are wanting and or waiting for someone or something to happen, a very clever write, it gets the (my)mind thinking, very well done****kahpot
Comment Written 01-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Thanks!
Curt
Comment from Octavia
Lovely, just lovely. Unrequited love with someone so bound up in pain that a relationship isn't possible right now. Give it time. Time heals all wounds.
Well done.
Great meter and rhyme.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Lovely, just lovely. Unrequited love with someone so bound up in pain that a relationship isn't possible right now. Give it time. Time heals all wounds.
Well done.
Great meter and rhyme.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Thank you!
Curt
Comment from Thesis
Quite expressive. It's a good look into a reluctant relationship with a person who has obviously been hurt before. As I read, I noticed the outreach to begin to trust again and to be allowed to become trusted and begin a new relationship.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Quite expressive. It's a good look into a reluctant relationship with a person who has obviously been hurt before. As I read, I noticed the outreach to begin to trust again and to be allowed to become trusted and begin a new relationship.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Thank you!
Curt
