2nd Time Around
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Part I, Chapter 4"A fight for life and truth.
5 total reviews
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Interesting what are the firefighters doing in Sara's story, I guess will find out pretty soon. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
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Interesting what are the firefighters doing in Sara's story, I guess will find out pretty soon. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
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One is her brother. Thank you for reading.
Comment from AnnieDawn
You have really done your homework on all the medical things that you cover in this chapter. I am retired from the medical field and you are right on the mark with what I have read so far. Great job and interesting reading.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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You have really done your homework on all the medical things that you cover in this chapter. I am retired from the medical field and you are right on the mark with what I have read so far. Great job and interesting reading.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Ironic, given I am petrified of hospitals. Thanks for the high praise.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I'm guessing you worked as a police officer as I continue to read your writing. This was so real. What I like with your writing, and this isn't new, is you don't get the full picture at once. You know there is an accident. There is something about a ramp not working. What? And things get clearer as you get closer to the accident. I'm sure this is how it is in real life. Fantastic writing again.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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I'm guessing you worked as a police officer as I continue to read your writing. This was so real. What I like with your writing, and this isn't new, is you don't get the full picture at once. You know there is an accident. There is something about a ramp not working. What? And things get clearer as you get closer to the accident. I'm sure this is how it is in real life. Fantastic writing again.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Nope, no professional law enforcement experience. :) Glad I could fool you. Thanks for reading.
Comment from sfharper
This episode is active and exciting. There is a lot of conflict-- the accident, the heart attack, the leaking gas, the inability to get the couple out of the van, the location of the driver and what should be handled first. I never saw the leaking gas handled--the search to limit sparks, etc.
The first two paragraph's leave me lost, I don't know who Lewis is and I don't know where the alarm showed up. I don't know if Lewis ever gets to the accident. I'm not sure whose point of view is telling the story--it reads like there are too many characters that starting at Chapter 4 I haven't met yet. Because I'm not connected by a specific character, the emotional content seems flat--the employee driving the car would be extremely upset, etc.
Do they really offer aspirin? That doesn't seem right, not nitroglycerin?
This reads very appealing.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2017
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This episode is active and exciting. There is a lot of conflict-- the accident, the heart attack, the leaking gas, the inability to get the couple out of the van, the location of the driver and what should be handled first. I never saw the leaking gas handled--the search to limit sparks, etc.
The first two paragraph's leave me lost, I don't know who Lewis is and I don't know where the alarm showed up. I don't know if Lewis ever gets to the accident. I'm not sure whose point of view is telling the story--it reads like there are too many characters that starting at Chapter 4 I haven't met yet. Because I'm not connected by a specific character, the emotional content seems flat--the employee driving the car would be extremely upset, etc.
Do they really offer aspirin? That doesn't seem right, not nitroglycerin?
This reads very appealing.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2017
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That's current paramedic training...firefighters get the same. Less health risks than nitro. I'll improve the opening. Thank you.
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Thanks for the knowledge about the aspirin, good luck with your changes!
Comment from SLMorrical
It flowed very well, but since this is the first chapter that I am reading I was a little lost, but I felt the distress of the couple and the woman taking care of them. I would like to add that I don't believe the police offer would give out the information on the couple to someone as the police officer did in your chapter.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2017
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It flowed very well, but since this is the first chapter that I am reading I was a little lost, but I felt the distress of the couple and the woman taking care of them. I would like to add that I don't believe the police offer would give out the information on the couple to someone as the police officer did in your chapter.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2017
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I'll fix that. Thank you.
