seagulls circle
4/7/6 haiku35 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Ha! Love that super brilliant satori line. They fly where they wish. NO schedules, no tracks. This is superb, my friend. Superb phonetics, too, with the S and soft C consonances and alliteration. Nice alliteration of A as well. Fine consonance of L and N. Outstanding word economy. Fine presentation. I rarely give a six for a three liner, but this qualifies. Bravo.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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Ha! Love that super brilliant satori line. They fly where they wish. NO schedules, no tracks. This is superb, my friend. Superb phonetics, too, with the S and soft C consonances and alliteration. Nice alliteration of A as well. Fine consonance of L and N. Outstanding word economy. Fine presentation. I rarely give a six for a three liner, but this qualifies. Bravo.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 24-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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Thank you, Rama Devi, I really appreciate the exceptional review, the six stars, and the helpful feedback. You are very kind.
Gypsy hugs
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:-))) Hugs!
Comment from lyenochka
There's a feeling of history in this poem. It's the ubiquitous seagulls which are flying over a train station. It is intriguing because we don't know if it's the seagulls' destination which is unknown or the trains themselves, or even the future of transportation which is unknown.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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There's a feeling of history in this poem. It's the ubiquitous seagulls which are flying over a train station. It is intriguing because we don't know if it's the seagulls' destination which is unknown or the trains themselves, or even the future of transportation which is unknown.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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Thank you very much for the thoughtful and helpful feedback, I really appreciate it.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Irish Rain
Aww...that's sort of sad. As though the station was their compass, and now they're lost. Lovely haiku, as always Miss Gypsy, blessings...
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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Aww...that's sort of sad. As though the station was their compass, and now they're lost. Lovely haiku, as always Miss Gypsy, blessings...
Comment Written 24-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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Thank you very much for the thoughtful and helpful feedback, I really appreciate it.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
I hope you are well and doing great, I don't get to see you often.
Excellent as always, with the description and the play onwords of destination unknown as an Amtrak rider.lol
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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I hope you are well and doing great, I don't get to see you often.
Excellent as always, with the description and the play onwords of destination unknown as an Amtrak rider.lol
Comment Written 24-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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Barb, Thank you very much for the thoughtful and helpful feedback, I really appreciate it.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Dean Kuch
Gulls always seem to be where you least expect them to be, especially when in the city proper, no matter the city, and sometimes even when there isn't a large body of water to be found.
Take Ohio, for example. We border no oceans, although we do have the Great Lakes up north. Gulls can be found all across this beloved state, hundreds of miles inland.
Who'd a' thunk it?
Good word economy in utilizing a 4/7/6 syllabic count.
Your haiku demonstrates exceptional concrete imagery between lines one and two.
It is written in present tense--a moment in nature, captured in time, as you observed it.
The kigo, or seasonal reference, is __________???
Your satori is an excellent double entendre; a true 'Ah-ha!' moment...
Exceptional.
~Dean
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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Gulls always seem to be where you least expect them to be, especially when in the city proper, no matter the city, and sometimes even when there isn't a large body of water to be found.
Take Ohio, for example. We border no oceans, although we do have the Great Lakes up north. Gulls can be found all across this beloved state, hundreds of miles inland.
Who'd a' thunk it?
Good word economy in utilizing a 4/7/6 syllabic count.
Your haiku demonstrates exceptional concrete imagery between lines one and two.
It is written in present tense--a moment in nature, captured in time, as you observed it.
The kigo, or seasonal reference, is __________???
Your satori is an excellent double entendre; a true 'Ah-ha!' moment...
Exceptional.
~Dean
Comment Written 24-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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Thank you, Dean, the kigo is late summer (http://www.ahapoetry.com/aadoh/suanim.htm)
Gypsy hugs
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You're welcome, I got'cha.
~Dean ;)
Comment from Gert sherwood
Very nice Gypsy
When I read your haiku and saw the picture of the sea gull remained me the story of Johnathan Seagull how he loved to fly and feel free.
Gert
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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Very nice Gypsy
When I read your haiku and saw the picture of the sea gull remained me the story of Johnathan Seagull how he loved to fly and feel free.
Gert
Comment Written 24-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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Thank you Gert :)
gypsy hugs
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You are welcome Gypsy
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You are welcome Gypsy
Gert
Comment from royowen
An excellent haiku Gypsy, if one is to see the Japanese written language, how could one derive a syllable from that anyway, it's funny how one person interprets it from another. Beautifully done My friend, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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An excellent haiku Gypsy, if one is to see the Japanese written language, how could one derive a syllable from that anyway, it's funny how one person interprets it from another. Beautifully done My friend, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 24-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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Thank you, Roy, I appreciate your lovely review. Japanese syllables are much shorter than ours.
Gypsy hugs
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Well done Gypsy
Comment from DR DIP
That's a witty Haiku Gypsy I liked the punchline in this one because that's how seagulls fly...with an unknown destination. Amtrak station is a famous train station I assume? I had not heard of it before. Well done gypsy I am slowly coming around to Haiku.
dip
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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That's a witty Haiku Gypsy I liked the punchline in this one because that's how seagulls fly...with an unknown destination. Amtrak station is a famous train station I assume? I had not heard of it before. Well done gypsy I am slowly coming around to Haiku.
dip
Comment Written 24-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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Hello, Dr Dip, Amtrak is a very well known station across the USA. Thank you for the excellent review.
Gypsy
Comment from Hitcher
This one allows the mind to wander a bit, it opens and closes many doors and allows the reader to soar and circle with the gulls and see through their eyes...nice Gypsy, very nice!!
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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This one allows the mind to wander a bit, it opens and closes many doors and allows the reader to soar and circle with the gulls and see through their eyes...nice Gypsy, very nice!!
Comment Written 24-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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Thank you very much, Hitcher, I appreciate your excellent review and helpful feedback.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written haiku. Sea gulls seen circling above the station. It is not a usual scene and a person would wonder why they would do that and where are their destination.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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A very well-written haiku. Sea gulls seen circling above the station. It is not a usual scene and a person would wonder why they would do that and where are their destination.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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Thank you, Sandra, I appreciate the excellent review and helpful feedback.
Gypsy
