Unleashed Chaos
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Revealed Secrets"A Novel of the Breedline Series
6 total reviews
Comment from Sharon Haiste
Well written. Easy to follow the characters.
Sometimes our secrets hurt those we care for if they get out. Is the truth always better? I'm not sure.
Love the picture.
I look forward to reading more of this.
Sharon
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
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Well written. Easy to follow the characters.
Sometimes our secrets hurt those we care for if they get out. Is the truth always better? I'm not sure.
Love the picture.
I look forward to reading more of this.
Sharon
Comment Written 26-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
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Thank you, Sharon :)
So glad to hear you enjoyed the chapter. Yes, you are right. Sometimes secrets are meant to be kept secret.
Hope to hear back from you, and thanks for the great feedback.
Shana :)
Comment from Natali Holden
I've been waiting for this moment. And now, finally as Sebastian is there and they are ready to attack...the end of the chapter. I hope he doesn't decide to kill Tessa anyway, but I also hope Lilith doesn't do something awful to Tessa and Steven. Can't wait for the next chapter! Awesome work! I loved it!
Natali ;)
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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I've been waiting for this moment. And now, finally as Sebastian is there and they are ready to attack...the end of the chapter. I hope he doesn't decide to kill Tessa anyway, but I also hope Lilith doesn't do something awful to Tessa and Steven. Can't wait for the next chapter! Awesome work! I loved it!
Natali ;)
Comment Written 25-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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Thank you, Natali :)
You're awesome! This made my whole day. Just giving you a hint... I never kill off any of my beloved characters. :)
Stay tuned for more Breedline adventures to come.
Shana :)
Comment from apky
Another brilliant chapter, darling. And left off at the toe-curling edge!
I can't wait to find out whether Sebastian and his buddies succeed. I'm rooting for Tessa and Jace whom I loved right from their wonderful wedding ceremony.
When he punched in Lila's number, he waited for her to answer. (the second half of the sentence is unnecessary, but even worse, it shows unskilfulness, especially after you start the sentence with "When". What else do people do after they punch in someone's number on their phone? Right.)
Lila's eyes lit up when she heard his voice. (You seem to have hopped to Lila's POV. Otherwise, Casey is not in a position to see her eyes "lit up". If we're still in Casye's POV, then let him "imagine" or "deduct" it from Lila's voice that her eyes must be lit up.)
Lila took a deep breath, her eyes softening to his voice. (He heard ila take a deep breath, and when she spoke, her voice went soft.)
~ always try to avoid head-hopping whenever you can. Go through one POV then when to change to another, stay there. I usually do this by dedicating a chapter to one voice throughout, or until I change to another POV, and indicate the change by spacing or an asterix, so that the reader is aware another scene/POV/event is about to happen.
he finally built (up) the courage and said
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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Another brilliant chapter, darling. And left off at the toe-curling edge!
I can't wait to find out whether Sebastian and his buddies succeed. I'm rooting for Tessa and Jace whom I loved right from their wonderful wedding ceremony.
When he punched in Lila's number, he waited for her to answer. (the second half of the sentence is unnecessary, but even worse, it shows unskilfulness, especially after you start the sentence with "When". What else do people do after they punch in someone's number on their phone? Right.)
Lila's eyes lit up when she heard his voice. (You seem to have hopped to Lila's POV. Otherwise, Casey is not in a position to see her eyes "lit up". If we're still in Casye's POV, then let him "imagine" or "deduct" it from Lila's voice that her eyes must be lit up.)
Lila took a deep breath, her eyes softening to his voice. (He heard ila take a deep breath, and when she spoke, her voice went soft.)
~ always try to avoid head-hopping whenever you can. Go through one POV then when to change to another, stay there. I usually do this by dedicating a chapter to one voice throughout, or until I change to another POV, and indicate the change by spacing or an asterix, so that the reader is aware another scene/POV/event is about to happen.
he finally built (up) the courage and said
Comment Written 25-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2017
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Thank you my dear friend :)
Wow... thank you so much for all your expert advice. I'm so lucky!!! This is very helpful. I'm having someone edit this book. I know I need help in that department. LOL! You're a gem!
Thanks again!
Always you fan, Shana :)
Comment from ngage
Great chapter, Shana! You always bring suspense and action to each post. The photo you placed with this caught my attention. Very captivating along with your chapter.
Finally glad to find out what was up Victor's sleeve. He didn't want his daughter to be with Casey because he was afraid his secret would be revealed. Aha!
I hope Jace can protect Tessa from Sebsstian's evil plot. Maybe his dreams are really visions. Keep up the great work!
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2017
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Great chapter, Shana! You always bring suspense and action to each post. The photo you placed with this caught my attention. Very captivating along with your chapter.
Finally glad to find out what was up Victor's sleeve. He didn't want his daughter to be with Casey because he was afraid his secret would be revealed. Aha!
I hope Jace can protect Tessa from Sebsstian's evil plot. Maybe his dreams are really visions. Keep up the great work!
Comment Written 24-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2017
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Thank you ngage :)
So good to always hear from you. I love your feedback. You've been a loyal fan and very inspiring.
Thanks so much my friend,
Shana :)
p.s. Stay tuned for more adventures of the Breedline.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This chapter of a fairly large fiction (novel) is getting the theme with epic dimensions, making it more appealing, now the revelation of secrets, reoccurrence of nightmares of Tessa's death, as advised to tell; curious ending; I liked.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2017
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This chapter of a fairly large fiction (novel) is getting the theme with epic dimensions, making it more appealing, now the revelation of secrets, reoccurrence of nightmares of Tessa's death, as advised to tell; curious ending; I liked.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2017
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Thank you so much :)
So glad you stopped in to read another chapter. Your feedback is important to me and I do appreciate your time and kind words.
Shana :)
Comment from Brigitte Elko
An excellent chapter is written here. I confess this is the only one that I have read. I like it and the plot, antagonist, and protagonist are clearly represented. Not being offensive by this, you are an accomplished author, but I did notice a couple of verb tense and grammar errors. Ex: Why did you call your mother....past tense and then ...I don't know what to say...present tense. One other stating a sentence with And stood out, line 3. There were a couple more but I know you will catch them in edit, if you choose. A fan and only trying to be helpful, no offense.
Fan Friend,
Brigitte
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2017
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An excellent chapter is written here. I confess this is the only one that I have read. I like it and the plot, antagonist, and protagonist are clearly represented. Not being offensive by this, you are an accomplished author, but I did notice a couple of verb tense and grammar errors. Ex: Why did you call your mother....past tense and then ...I don't know what to say...present tense. One other stating a sentence with And stood out, line 3. There were a couple more but I know you will catch them in edit, if you choose. A fan and only trying to be helpful, no offense.
Fan Friend,
Brigitte
Comment Written 24-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2017
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Thank you, Brigitte :)
Your feedback is very encouraging and helpful. Thank you for catching my errors. It's great to have another pair of eyes on my chapters to find what I miss. You're awesome!
Thanks again and hope to hear back from you.
Shana :)
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Thank you. That is why all of us review, to help each other.
Fan Friend,
Brigitte
