Red & Blue
A dangerous liaison.16 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written fiction story. A previous lover know Hus mistress seem to be a murderer. He wants her to murder his wife. Instead she starts getting the idea that he should have his last breath.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2017
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A very well-written fiction story. A previous lover know Hus mistress seem to be a murderer. He wants her to murder his wife. Instead she starts getting the idea that he should have his last breath.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2017
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Thanks for understanding, Sandra. I was starting to think the story was not clear.
Comment from Sis Cat
Wow, Maria, this is a great Dining Out contest entry. I am less concerned about the meal than I am of the couple and their fractured relationship as displayed in their dialogue and in Mina's thoughts as she reassesses her relationship with Steve.
Theses telling lines stood out to be because they said so much beautifully and economically:
The presence of his wife's name on Mina's tongue caused Steve's back to stiffen imperceptibly.
However, inside her brain, synapses were flickering like playful fireworks. She wondered what Steve was planning.
She didn't love Steve anymore, but there were two things she craved more than anything else: victories and puzzles.
Such lines invigorate your plot in such a tight story.
One omission: the correct spelling is:
maitre d'
Thank you for sharing your exceptional talent.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2017
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Wow, Maria, this is a great Dining Out contest entry. I am less concerned about the meal than I am of the couple and their fractured relationship as displayed in their dialogue and in Mina's thoughts as she reassesses her relationship with Steve.
Theses telling lines stood out to be because they said so much beautifully and economically:
The presence of his wife's name on Mina's tongue caused Steve's back to stiffen imperceptibly.
However, inside her brain, synapses were flickering like playful fireworks. She wondered what Steve was planning.
She didn't love Steve anymore, but there were two things she craved more than anything else: victories and puzzles.
Such lines invigorate your plot in such a tight story.
One omission: the correct spelling is:
maitre d'
Thank you for sharing your exceptional talent.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2017
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Thanks for your thorough review and for noticing the missing d', Andre.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Maria
= I enjoyed our story very much, but, I must have missed something.
= Why is he asking him to care for Willow?
= Are we supposed to assume she is ill, and that's why he stayed with her, and now he's ill and needs Mina to look out for Willow when he's gone?
Cheers (*<*)
Have a great day/evening!
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2017
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Hi, Maria
= I enjoyed our story very much, but, I must have missed something.
= Why is he asking him to care for Willow?
= Are we supposed to assume she is ill, and that's why he stayed with her, and now he's ill and needs Mina to look out for Willow when he's gone?
Cheers (*<*)
Have a great day/evening!
Comment Written 17-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2017
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It's take care of as a euphemism, meaning kill, Jax. Willow is Steve's wife, they spoke about her during dinner.
Thanks for reading.
Comment from pbomar1115
This is a wonderful story or opening. In fact, you write like a novelist with a great deal of workout crafting many stories. You are a shoe-in to win or place high in the contest. Good luck, Maria.
Phillip
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2017
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This is a wonderful story or opening. In fact, you write like a novelist with a great deal of workout crafting many stories. You are a shoe-in to win or place high in the contest. Good luck, Maria.
Phillip
Comment Written 17-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2017
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Thanks for reading, Phillip
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You're welcome, Maria.
Phillip
Comment from Bucketlist
Steve woud have to expire.? Good teasing interest peaking last line. Your beginning has intrigue and increasing mystery. I enjoyed the story so far. Thanks for sharing, good luck
Hugs, Trisha
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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2017
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Steve woud have to expire.? Good teasing interest peaking last line. Your beginning has intrigue and increasing mystery. I enjoyed the story so far. Thanks for sharing, good luck
Hugs, Trisha
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2017
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Thanks for reading, Trisha.
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You?re welcome
Comment from Teri7
Now Maria this is really good! You had be going as I read it. I wanted to read more of it. You used very good dialogue and very good imagery with your words. Great job my friend. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2017
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Now Maria this is really good! You had be going as I read it. I wanted to read more of it. You used very good dialogue and very good imagery with your words. Great job my friend. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2017
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Your review is welcome as usual, Teri. Have a lovely day.
