Fortune Cookies
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Voices Pt.1"A Romantic, Superhero-like, Geek Horror story.
30 total reviews
Comment from joann r romei
This was very interesting, i was able to follow through . with the scene described and feel the creepiness involved which the boy is feeling, cant wait to hear more
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2019
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This was very interesting, i was able to follow through . with the scene described and feel the creepiness involved which the boy is feeling, cant wait to hear more
Comment Written 14-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2019
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Thank you! I?m very appreciative of such an encouraging review and positive reaction to such a dreary read :)
Thank you,
Euell
Comment from LeannaP
Heaven sure is a place on earth. Nice work.
There arent too many writers who can caption the essence of writing with clarity while avoiding grammatical errors.
Nicely written.I
Look forward to reading more
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2019
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Heaven sure is a place on earth. Nice work.
There arent too many writers who can caption the essence of writing with clarity while avoiding grammatical errors.
Nicely written.I
Look forward to reading more
Comment Written 14-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2019
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What an awesome review to have awaken to :) Thank you for such an encouraging and positive review for me. This means a lot!
Thank you,
Euell
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You're welcome
Comment from lyenochka
Oh, thank you for reviving this old post so that we can see what we missed. Is this the same ghost that we're currently reading about? I like how you merge reality with this vision plus the spiritual strength found in music and even the "mental library of after school cartoons." I like the fatherly love he has for his little sister and how that motivates him to keep fighting and remain strong.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2019
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Oh, thank you for reviving this old post so that we can see what we missed. Is this the same ghost that we're currently reading about? I like how you merge reality with this vision plus the spiritual strength found in music and even the "mental library of after school cartoons." I like the fatherly love he has for his little sister and how that motivates him to keep fighting and remain strong.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2019
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Hi, Helen! I just realized I needed one more review to get a Gold Ribbin. So, I decided to open my wallet a little. :)
Thank you for your review! This entity here is different. It?s the one that El encounters when he is 11 years old. This entity is the one that controls the girl in the dorm, and feeds off her soul, uses her like a battery to exist in our world. Therefore, it?s up to El to free her soul in order to be reborn again in another time and place. The ghost girl in the dorm will suffer eternal imprisonment by this entity, a demon I guess, if El can?t use both his sixth sense, his natural use of logic and math, his athleticism, and his ability to overcome the peer pressure of being a young adolescent who is trying to figure out himself while overcoming the challenges of being a minority and narcissistic parenting. It?s a lot to handle.
Hope you read on! Thank you again!
Euell
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Good for you! Congrats on the All Time Best and I'm so happy that more people are reviewing you now!
Comment from Bill Pinder
Interesting story about a boy dealing with a terrifying situation leading up to his ultimate question. Very interesting choice of the question about what would superman do.
Bill
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2019
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Interesting story about a boy dealing with a terrifying situation leading up to his ultimate question. Very interesting choice of the question about what would superman do.
Bill
Comment Written 10-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2019
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Thank you! I hope you will be able to read on. I appreciate your review and five stars!
Comment from Alex Rosel
This is particularly emotive prose, conveying the scene and the boy's trepidation and fright well {thumbs up}.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
The moment confronts him like the illusion of a convincing movie -- I like this snippet; it's original and perceptive {smiles}.
His presses his back tensely against the wall -- If this was mine, I'd omit "tensely". Pressing your back to a wall in itself displays an agitated state.
Whether this boy, who was no stranger to the uncertainty inside him, was prepared, or not he would make the choice that would decide the fate of both his future -- I'd omit the comma after "prepared" and add it after "or not" instead.
the shiver of his humming -- I like this snippet. A shivered hum conveys the boy's terror {thumbs up}.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2019
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This is particularly emotive prose, conveying the scene and the boy's trepidation and fright well {thumbs up}.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
The moment confronts him like the illusion of a convincing movie -- I like this snippet; it's original and perceptive {smiles}.
His presses his back tensely against the wall -- If this was mine, I'd omit "tensely". Pressing your back to a wall in itself displays an agitated state.
Whether this boy, who was no stranger to the uncertainty inside him, was prepared, or not he would make the choice that would decide the fate of both his future -- I'd omit the comma after "prepared" and add it after "or not" instead.
the shiver of his humming -- I like this snippet. A shivered hum conveys the boy's terror {thumbs up}.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2019
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Thank you! I appreciate your words of encouragement and insight to the unseen mistakes. Very helpful! Thank you again!
Comment from Diana L Crawford
I finally have been able to start at the beginning and will be trying to read a few Chapters each night! You are such an excellent writer and truly have a gift for this.
Looking forward to continuing the story tomorrow :)
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2019
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I finally have been able to start at the beginning and will be trying to read a few Chapters each night! You are such an excellent writer and truly have a gift for this.
Looking forward to continuing the story tomorrow :)
Comment Written 01-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2019
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Thank you for the flattering support and review. Such kind and helpful input. Your insight and encouragement are greatly motivating. Thank you :)
Euell
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Well, since I'm a grandmother, and great-grandmother, sometimes my best laid plans don't work for me! HAHA! but I will be continuing on this story, just wasn't last night :( lol
Comment from fluffnstuff
Wow, now this is a definite HEAVY that I need to go back and reread to really capture what is happening here. I would give this a six only I am out of them. Well done in my eyes. Fluff
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Wow, now this is a definite HEAVY that I need to go back and reread to really capture what is happening here. I would give this a six only I am out of them. Well done in my eyes. Fluff
Comment Written 06-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Thank you! Your review and rating is very inspiring to me! I have submitted a total of twenty chapters. I hope chapter three s good enough to have you read on. Thank you again.
Regards,
Euell
Comment from billscott
These opening stanzas are truly long --
Eu El waits cautiously behind the door, unsure of how to separate the perception of realism between the deception of what feels like a dream, confronting him like a mirage of water in the desert heat.
The confusion of what feels less and less the house he grew up in, deepens like another complicated equation he is unable to solve.
I had to re-read them 4 times each to understand noun and verb arrangement.
After the fourth try, I think I understand what you were conveying.
After that, your story took off well enough.
Loved the wrap up at the end.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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These opening stanzas are truly long --
Eu El waits cautiously behind the door, unsure of how to separate the perception of realism between the deception of what feels like a dream, confronting him like a mirage of water in the desert heat.
The confusion of what feels less and less the house he grew up in, deepens like another complicated equation he is unable to solve.
I had to re-read them 4 times each to understand noun and verb arrangement.
After the fourth try, I think I understand what you were conveying.
After that, your story took off well enough.
Loved the wrap up at the end.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2019
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Well noted. I shall make the necessary adjustments. Thank you for your generous rating and time to review.
Regards,
Euell
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Believing in Superman is not a bad thing...some boys have this character as an idol. He has strength, power that no one else has in his movies. I hope the character gets help from Superman, and no more criticism. Glad that you got recognized.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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Believing in Superman is not a bad thing...some boys have this character as an idol. He has strength, power that no one else has in his movies. I hope the character gets help from Superman, and no more criticism. Glad that you got recognized.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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Thank you for your kind review and ratings. The story continues onto the next chapter: ?Voices Pt.2,? which is already submitted. Hope you can venture there, where the character discovers hope. Thank you again!
Comment from Iris Isabella
I like the idea behind the picture you're trying to create, but it feels unfinished. Like there needs to be more detail and a clearer picture painted. In the beginning you paint the picture of a boy, unknown age, hiding behind a door with his back against a wall, but no understanding of the room he's in or how he got there. The description "what feels less and less the house he grew up in..." feels cut short.
Is this a dream?
The first metaphor seems out of place.
It seems you have the makings of some good outline, it just needs to be elaborated and a clearer picture painted for the reader.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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I like the idea behind the picture you're trying to create, but it feels unfinished. Like there needs to be more detail and a clearer picture painted. In the beginning you paint the picture of a boy, unknown age, hiding behind a door with his back against a wall, but no understanding of the room he's in or how he got there. The description "what feels less and less the house he grew up in..." feels cut short.
Is this a dream?
The first metaphor seems out of place.
It seems you have the makings of some good outline, it just needs to be elaborated and a clearer picture painted for the reader.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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PLEASE read the additional information provided on the page.
?THIS IS A CHAPTER IN THE BOOK, ?SUPER FORTUNE COOKIES.?
Every question you asked was already written in previous chapters, as well as chapters already submitted past Chapter 3.
It?s an ongoing story.
I take it now you understand this it doesn?t matter to you and you left me with a negligent rating.
