Give Me A Raise
Napoleon is pressed by girlfriend to make more money.27 total reviews
Comment from country ranch writer
Sometimes we all need a reality check. We need to step back and get a new perspective of what we really want out of life. He had to stand up on his own to realize this. Great work and he did get the girl after all.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2017
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Sometimes we all need a reality check. We need to step back and get a new perspective of what we really want out of life. He had to stand up on his own to realize this. Great work and he did get the girl after all.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2017
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Thanks, for reading and the rating, country ranch writer.
Phillip
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Smiles
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Thank you.
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Smiles
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Thanks for reading the story, country ranch writer.
Phillip
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Wow this is a very well done story and quite an ending that brought tears to me. You need to go back through and deleat the marks that were pulled over when you wrote the piece and copied and pasted.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2017
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Wow this is a very well done story and quite an ending that brought tears to me. You need to go back through and deleat the marks that were pulled over when you wrote the piece and copied and pasted.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2017
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Thanks, Barb. I need to correct a lot of errors. I'm honored you read the piece. Also, I didn't realize it was that . . . emotional?
Phillip
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi Phillip;
This is a great story, and I'm very impressed with the difference in your writing. You have come quite a long way from when I first started reading your work. I have given you some examples and suggestions for improvement below.
A nit: '"I want to know what do you mean, Wanda?"' (You can either add a comma after the word 'know,' OR you can eliminate the 'do' to have the sentence make sense.)
In the paragraph narrative about Nathan, you change tenses throughout. Remember to choose whether you are speaking/telling/writing in present or past tense.
'assist(s) in building structures for residential, business and construction sites; mix(es) concrete; and participate(s) in demolition and all the employees were interviewed at Napoleon('s) residential office too.'
'He was wishing (for)comfort from Wanda(,) but goes along with the moving process, and began working for his friend as usual, and avoided(avoiding) talking to Wanda.'
Enjoyed reading,
~patty~
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2017
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Hi Phillip;
This is a great story, and I'm very impressed with the difference in your writing. You have come quite a long way from when I first started reading your work. I have given you some examples and suggestions for improvement below.
A nit: '"I want to know what do you mean, Wanda?"' (You can either add a comma after the word 'know,' OR you can eliminate the 'do' to have the sentence make sense.)
In the paragraph narrative about Nathan, you change tenses throughout. Remember to choose whether you are speaking/telling/writing in present or past tense.
'assist(s) in building structures for residential, business and construction sites; mix(es) concrete; and participate(s) in demolition and all the employees were interviewed at Napoleon('s) residential office too.'
'He was wishing (for)comfort from Wanda(,) but goes along with the moving process, and began working for his friend as usual, and avoided(avoiding) talking to Wanda.'
Enjoyed reading,
~patty~
Comment Written 09-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2017
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Thanks, Patty. I read one of the suggestions and it was a good one but I will go through all of them and make the corrections.
Phillip
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You are more than welcome, my friend,
~patty~
Comment from royowen
A charming story, at first Wanda, thinks Napoleon needs to earn more, but all that glitters is not Gold, a good combination, he's a practical man and she's a teacher, a good combination, He's really in love with Wanda, a lovely romantic story, good plot and quirky, characters well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : has an abundant trait. 2: The code A with a squiggle at the top needs to be attended to.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2017
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A charming story, at first Wanda, thinks Napoleon needs to earn more, but all that glitters is not Gold, a good combination, he's a practical man and she's a teacher, a good combination, He's really in love with Wanda, a lovely romantic story, good plot and quirky, characters well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : has an abundant trait. 2: The code A with a squiggle at the top needs to be attended to.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2017
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Thank, for reading it, royowen.
Phillip
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Most welcome
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Thanks, I'll check it out.
Phillip
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Aww, I'm so pleased Wanda came back. Napoleon is besotted with her. He is good with his hands, she is a teacher, good with kids. Good combination. This is a lovely story, my friend. :) Sandra x
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2017
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Aww, I'm so pleased Wanda came back. Napoleon is besotted with her. He is good with his hands, she is a teacher, good with kids. Good combination. This is a lovely story, my friend. :) Sandra x
Comment Written 09-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2017
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Thanks, Sandra.
Phillip
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Well, a story of miscommunication and perceptions but it all came good in the end.
Few things I noticed whilst reading through0
and abundance trait the average - an abundant trait.
He was crossed when their conversation - became cross.
who work throughout the city - worked.
She loved the romantic moments. Ã? Ã? - delete the code from the end here. There are some more scattered about that need attention also.
positioned it off the lamp - under the lamp?
The photo captured Raymond and Napoleon - who is Raymond. Just a name at this juncture.
business office location started at Napoleon persistences - just persistence.
He wanted his finances to remain worried free - worry.
"How about some. It's fresh." - need a question mark in there.
he said "Yes. But, I have good news and bad news, my friend." - insert a comma after said.
with the new contracts I bided on - bid.
Napoleon honored Raymond ideas - honoured / Raymond's.
rewiring can be one word.
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reply by the author on 09-Oct-2017
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Hi there,
Well, a story of miscommunication and perceptions but it all came good in the end.
Few things I noticed whilst reading through0
and abundance trait the average - an abundant trait.
He was crossed when their conversation - became cross.
who work throughout the city - worked.
She loved the romantic moments. Ã? Ã? - delete the code from the end here. There are some more scattered about that need attention also.
positioned it off the lamp - under the lamp?
The photo captured Raymond and Napoleon - who is Raymond. Just a name at this juncture.
business office location started at Napoleon persistences - just persistence.
He wanted his finances to remain worried free - worry.
"How about some. It's fresh." - need a question mark in there.
he said "Yes. But, I have good news and bad news, my friend." - insert a comma after said.
with the new contracts I bided on - bid.
Napoleon honored Raymond ideas - honoured / Raymond's.
rewiring can be one word.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2017
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Thanks, my friend, giraffmang, for pointing out the errors and reading the piece.
Phillip
Comment from apky
Hullo Friend,
I've been away last week and still will have little time to review all that I have in my messages box.
So this is my little apology to let you know I'm a bit indisposed at the moment and can't give the kind of comprehensive review I normally do for your chapters and posts. We have a very dear family friend who has been hospitalized and operated on, so I spend most days at the clinic and sorting out business paperwork.
I know it's a fake five stars, more or less. Please accept.
All the best,
Apky
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2017
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Hullo Friend,
I've been away last week and still will have little time to review all that I have in my messages box.
So this is my little apology to let you know I'm a bit indisposed at the moment and can't give the kind of comprehensive review I normally do for your chapters and posts. We have a very dear family friend who has been hospitalized and operated on, so I spend most days at the clinic and sorting out business paperwork.
I know it's a fake five stars, more or less. Please accept.
All the best,
Apky
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2017
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Thanks for your honesty, apky.
Phillip
