Comment from Heather Knight

Excellent

This is definitely not for children...
My favorite bit is the repetition of the first line in each verse. The video is also great.
Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017

Hi Maria;
Oh no...not intended for kiddos at all!! Just a tad of Halloween horror. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing,

~patty~

Comment from dragonpoet

Excellent

These five lined stanzas use repetition as a warning to remind mothers of the mythic horror of Halloween. But it probably will lure the adventurous children out in droves.

Good luck in the contest.

Keep writing

dragonpoet

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017

Hi there;
thank you so much for reading and reviewing. Yeah, kids are suckers for candy.

~patty~

Comment from Thomas Bowling

Excellent

Okay. I think I'll skip your house. There's a funny GIF showing a little girl approaching a house on Halloween. The adult passing out candy is dressed as a scary creature. The little girl turns around abruptly and walks away. As she get to the road, she says No, thank you.

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017

Hi Thomas;
Gotta love Halloween memes. You know, we haven't gotten any kids at the door in years. So many places have 'safe' things to do, that no kids walk the streets.

Good thing. The witches are hungry.

~patty~

Comment from Lucian Carter

Excellent

I was absorbed enough in the poem I didn't notice the rigid format. Good work making it fade into the background.

I'm always torn over poems about witches. I know modern witches, who are the nicest people in the world. Yet I recognize there is a long literary tradition and a mountain of folklore that paints witches as evil child-stealers. I'm never sure if I should forgive writers for drawing on the latter in place of the former.

I think I'm going to take this in the spirit it was intended. It's a good poem when I look at it that way. So good work on it.

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017

Hi Lucian;
It is right to take the poem in the spirit it is intended. I went against my own grain on this. I have long believed myself to be a 'white witch' of a sort. I don't have a pointy hat or warts on my nose; I also can't fly on a broom. I do have familiars, and I feel spirits.

Thank you for telling me that the format of the poem fades into the background. I like when that happens for the reader.

Now you know more about me than most on the site, and the world,

~patty~

reply by Lucian Carter on 06-Oct-2017

I follow Raven-Who-Makes-Things-Right

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written Monchielle poem for the Halloween theme and contest. The chosen format works well with the theme and the repeating line is very effective to set the mood for Halloween.

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017

Hi Sandra;
thank you so much for the lovely review. I also want to be sure to thank you for the support you've given me as I've worked through learning to write poetry.

I've had so much fun this year working with new poetic forms and learning so much about poetic devices, a tiny bit of meter, and finding true rhymes.

~patty~

Comment from His Grayness

Excellent

So many thanks for the poetic style education with this very well-delivered example, so gayfully and richly presented. I cannot offer anything to improve this and thank this author for the fine lesson. HIS GRAYNESS. Vance

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017

Hello again, Vance;
thank you so much for being a loyal fan. I had so much fun writing this! I love Halloween, and I wanted to write something wicked.
I'm glad you enjoyed it,

~patty~

Comment from Kerry Foley Robinson

Excellent

This is a really cute Halloween poem, Patty. I love the Monchielle form, never saw that one:) Great video, I love Hocus Pocus, seen it a zillion times and still watch it every year, lol. ~Kerry

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017

Hi Kerry;
thank you so much for the read and review. I love Hocus Pocus, too. When my kids were still at home, it was a tradition to watch it while we carved pumpkins. *sigh* Can't wait for my grandbabies to get old enough to carve pumpkins and live closer!

~patty~

reply by Kerry Foley Robinson on 06-Oct-2017

lol, that's so funny, me and my girls did that too, we still do, well until they moved and went off to college, well my little one just moved back home, she transfering to upstate here. Yay! I think I'm just a temporary layover till she gets another place with her friends, lol, but at least she'll be in the neighborhood, not hours away.

Comment from easyeverett1

Excellent

An interesting form Mustangpatty.
You fulfilled the requirement of
the Monchielle but poetry also
has a rhythmic requirement which
allows fluid lines that attempt to
eliminate those "bumps" in the
rhythmic flow that the reader detects
as bothersome. Here is an example
of what I mean Mustangpatty. Below is
an 8/6 two line example of the Ballad
form written in iambic meter:

I took a tin of tea tonight
To picnic at the beach.

See if you catch the rhythmic quality
of these lines as you read them out loud.
Nice job on your "Witches" tome. easyeverett1

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017

Hi;
thank you so much for reading and your thoughtful review. I really struggle with meter and rhythm. This is part of the reason I avoid poems where the definition of the poetic form requires a specific meter count.

Believe it or not, I did try to smooth this one out. To help myself, I plan to enroll in the upcoming class on meter.

~patty~

reply by easyeverett1 on 06-Oct-2017

Good for you Mustangpatty and if you ever want in depth help and a few tools to use that can help you understand how to approach metered poetry I would be glad to help. Just message me and I will get back to you. easy

Comment from Father Flaps

Excellent

Hi Patty,
I love Halloween! I'm 67 years old, but I turn into a kid on Halloween night. Am I under a witch's spell? Oh my!
And I love those three old hags in "Hocus Pocus", especially Bette Midler. It's simply devilish!
I thought your poem was free verse at first, but then I finally realized your 3rd and 5th lines end in rhyme.
I also think your repeated line is quite effective,
"Witches come out tonight"
I think many innocent women were set on fire back in the day simply because they gathered nature cures for ailments. A lot of so-called Christians will have to answer one day for their deaths.
I believe there are actual witch covens throughout the USA and possibly Canada and, of course, European countries which celebrate on October 31st. And I'll bet their ceremonies would scare anyone to death. Who knows what goes on in forest clearings after midnight?
"Children, hardly aware,
The lure of candy blinds." ... (this reminded me of "Hansel and Gretl".
The Brothers Grimm, otherwise known as Jacob and Wilhelm were the "Brothers Grimm", German librarians specializing in philology, the study of language in historical texts. During the early 1800's, they began to collect and publish local folklore, stories that had been passed down for generations. They didn't actually write any of them. But they did save them from extinction. Eventually, they published their collection of folklore and fairy tales as "Children's and Household Tales" in 1812.)
Thank you for teaching this form, the Monchielle. I don't see it used that often.
This should be a contender in the Halloween Poetry contest... Good Luck!
cheers
Kimbob

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017

Hi there, Kimbob;
thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful review. I usually try to write a Monchielle every other month. It's one of my favorite formats to work with. I build it like pieces of a puzzle, and craft the words to meet the six syllable per line, along with the rhyming scheme.

Kind of scary for little kids - but I did classify it as horror,

~patty~

Comment from Bob Stanton

Excellent

Yet another stunner Patty. A strong balance of imagination and discipline.
We don't do Trick-or-Treat in South Africa but if we did I would take your warning to heart and not let the children out after dark on their own. Not that we do anyway these days. Here children are sometimes stolen for body parts for dark Sangomas to create mutti (medicine) to cure all ills.
All the Best,
Bob

 Comment Written 06-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Oct-2017

okay, ... you scared me back. I think its much more dangerous to be hunted for body parts!

Thank you for reading and the nice review,

~patty~