Sliding on Ice
Winter playground fun, not a teacher's delight6 total reviews
Comment from Lucian Carter
Nice 5-7-5. Not being a Haiku contest this didn't need to be seasonal in theme. There's no harm in it though. Winter is coming and this reminded me of some of the trials I will face in the months to come. I don't expect rhyme in 5/7/5 poems but it works here. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
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Nice 5-7-5. Not being a Haiku contest this didn't need to be seasonal in theme. There's no harm in it though. Winter is coming and this reminded me of some of the trials I will face in the months to come. I don't expect rhyme in 5/7/5 poems but it works here. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
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Thanks for the read and the comments. The rhyme just happened.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, my friend,
Wintry playground ice 5
Boys line up, slide real nice 7
Not teacher's delight 5............good syllable count, the subject falls under the contest requirements, nice imagery, and a funny end line.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
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Hello, my friend,
Wintry playground ice 5
Boys line up, slide real nice 7
Not teacher's delight 5............good syllable count, the subject falls under the contest requirements, nice imagery, and a funny end line.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
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Thanks for the read and the comments.
Comment from B.B. Rose
Coming from a place where we have black ice, I related to this little piece quite well. Succinctly put. You might rephrase your last line which is a bit awkward in how it starts off with "Not." Perhaps begin with your key word, "teachers" (plural---most adult teachers would be nervous) "....view with fright"....or something along that line. Hope this is helpful.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
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Coming from a place where we have black ice, I related to this little piece quite well. Succinctly put. You might rephrase your last line which is a bit awkward in how it starts off with "Not." Perhaps begin with your key word, "teachers" (plural---most adult teachers would be nervous) "....view with fright"....or something along that line. Hope this is helpful.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
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Thanks for the read, like your suggestions.
Comment from BeasPeas
I remember kids doing this in school. Sometimes kids would fall and break a wrist at worst, bumps and bruises at best. I forgot about that until your 5-7-5 jogged memory loose. Much luck in the contest. Marilyn
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2017
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I remember kids doing this in school. Sometimes kids would fall and break a wrist at worst, bumps and bruises at best. I forgot about that until your 5-7-5 jogged memory loose. Much luck in the contest. Marilyn
Comment Written 26-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2017
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Thanks for the read. I hope it brought back good memories for you
Comment from Teri7
This is a very good 5-7-5 poem you have penned for the contest. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2017
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This is a very good 5-7-5 poem you have penned for the contest. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 26-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2017
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Thanks for the read and the comments.
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you are so welcome!
Comment from rspoet
This is a fine 5-7-5 poem and entry for the contest
with a good pair of rhymes in ice/nice
Yes, ice is fun for kids, not so much for anyone a bit older
I don't even attempt to go on ice anymore
Excellent picture to match
Nicely done
Good luck in the contest
RS
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2017
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This is a fine 5-7-5 poem and entry for the contest
with a good pair of rhymes in ice/nice
Yes, ice is fun for kids, not so much for anyone a bit older
I don't even attempt to go on ice anymore
Excellent picture to match
Nicely done
Good luck in the contest
RS
Comment Written 26-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2017
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Thank you for the read and the comments. I'm with re: staying away for ice now a days.
