Suicide and aggression.
A short story.10 total reviews
Comment from sunnilicious
This is a good entry. Well thought out and clearly written. I don't think anyone in their right mind likes Friday the 13th. Good narrative. Also, you met the contest requirements. Good luck in the Fate Contest.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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This is a good entry. Well thought out and clearly written. I don't think anyone in their right mind likes Friday the 13th. Good narrative. Also, you met the contest requirements. Good luck in the Fate Contest.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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Thanks very much for your kind review, Ine. Have a good week.
Comment from IndigoLady
I assume the male Sister is a nurse as I believe that is what they are called in England, but it did make me stop and re-read for the few seconds before it became clear. The writing is very good and reading it flowed easily. I feel there was something missing, I needed more context I guess. Good Luck in the Contest.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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I assume the male Sister is a nurse as I believe that is what they are called in England, but it did make me stop and re-read for the few seconds before it became clear. The writing is very good and reading it flowed easily. I feel there was something missing, I needed more context I guess. Good Luck in the Contest.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a good and blessed weekend.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello author
What an story about fate especially on Friday the 13th
so glad you did something you only once heard of (no time or place to get his pants off) I injected him with a sedative through his pants. (so he wouldn't use a rope out of his cabinet to hang himself)
Gert
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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Hello author
What an story about fate especially on Friday the 13th
so glad you did something you only once heard of (no time or place to get his pants off) I injected him with a sedative through his pants. (so he wouldn't use a rope out of his cabinet to hang himself)
Gert
Comment Written 29-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a good and blessed weekend.
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You are welcome
Gert
Comment from Lucian Carter
This is a good story, the only non-fiction entry in the "Fate" contest that I've seen so far. It's never a bad thing for writers to live an interesting life.
That said, the mechanics are a bit of a mess:
"On my way to work things already went weird, my car did not perform like it should. "
"things already went weird" is poor grammar and "My card did not perform as it should" is stilted and vague.
It's a sad, yet hopeful, tale. It needs an edit before it reaches top quality, but it's a good start.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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This is a good story, the only non-fiction entry in the "Fate" contest that I've seen so far. It's never a bad thing for writers to live an interesting life.
That said, the mechanics are a bit of a mess:
"On my way to work things already went weird, my car did not perform like it should. "
"things already went weird" is poor grammar and "My card did not perform as it should" is stilted and vague.
It's a sad, yet hopeful, tale. It needs an edit before it reaches top quality, but it's a good start.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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Thanks for your lovely review, Ine. Have a nice weekend.
Comment from robyn corum
Hello friend,
I went by your portfolio to see what you've been up to and found this sweet (but depressing) little piece. I didn't realize you wrote short fiction! I guess I'm losing (more) of my mind! hahaha!
This was quite good and should do well in the contest. Only one note - consider changing your sentence 'I never believed in fate till that day' to using the word 'until'. The CEC can get kind of picky. Good luck!
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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Hello friend,
I went by your portfolio to see what you've been up to and found this sweet (but depressing) little piece. I didn't realize you wrote short fiction! I guess I'm losing (more) of my mind! hahaha!
This was quite good and should do well in the contest. Only one note - consider changing your sentence 'I never believed in fate till that day' to using the word 'until'. The CEC can get kind of picky. Good luck!
Comment Written 27-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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Thanks for your lovely review, Ine. Have a nice weekend.
Comment from nor84
I wanted to give you a heads up review. The required sentence is:I never believed in fate until that day. The sentence in this is: I never believed in fate till that day.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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I wanted to give you a heads up review. The required sentence is:I never believed in fate until that day. The sentence in this is: I never believed in fate till that day.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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Thanks for your lovely review, Ine. Have a nice weekend.
Comment from B.B. Rose
I think this story would have benefitted by more detail, particularly in the beginning. It would have been helpful and also built some suspense if you said what you did for a living and where you worked. That would have provided context for your encountering a suicide victim as well as what was to follow. We have not previously encountered your colleague so some introductory lines there would also have alleviated some puzzlement.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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I think this story would have benefitted by more detail, particularly in the beginning. It would have been helpful and also built some suspense if you said what you did for a living and where you worked. That would have provided context for your encountering a suicide victim as well as what was to follow. We have not previously encountered your colleague so some introductory lines there would also have alleviated some puzzlement.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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Thanks for your lovely review, Ine. Have a nice weekend.
Comment from His Grayness
Certainly, this is a very uncommon situation, well described here in this fine writing. I read it a couple times to digest the overall situation and then realize it was a challenge to write about a fate for a writing contest. Certainly, this situation is about as unusual a fate as any that anyone might imagine and I hope this author wins this challenge as it is very well written and I cannot suggest anything to improve it in any way. HIS GRAYNESS
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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Certainly, this is a very uncommon situation, well described here in this fine writing. I read it a couple times to digest the overall situation and then realize it was a challenge to write about a fate for a writing contest. Certainly, this situation is about as unusual a fate as any that anyone might imagine and I hope this author wins this challenge as it is very well written and I cannot suggest anything to improve it in any way. HIS GRAYNESS
Comment Written 25-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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Thanks for your lovely review, Ine. Have a nice weekend.
Comment from DonandVicki
A truly moving and heartbreaking story. It would be very difficult to get use to this kind of work. You short story flowed very well. DON
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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A truly moving and heartbreaking story. It would be very difficult to get use to this kind of work. You short story flowed very well. DON
Comment Written 25-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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Thanks for your lovely review, Ine. Have a nice weekend.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Good flash fiction. Short and sweet. Told just enough...we can figure out the rest for ourselves. I don't how psychs do it... work with the suicidal, that is.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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Good flash fiction. Short and sweet. Told just enough...we can figure out the rest for ourselves. I don't how psychs do it... work with the suicidal, that is.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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Thanks for your lovely review, Ine. Have a nice weekend.
