Veronica Remembers
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Coincidence or Conspiracy"An illegitimate child is born to famous parents
7 total reviews
Comment from LaRosa
You keep the story-line interesting by jumping back and forth in time.
The Secret, a child raised secretively by well meaning 'others'...reminds me of the fairy tales. All the elements are there..So now I really want to see the mystery resolved!
Just saw a couple of items:
How though did one correspond with someone they didn't know?
*you don't need the word 'though' as the thought is concise and meaningful
without it.
*instead of the word 'they', use he/she, because you want to keep it singular
'...the letter was addressed to him(.)
'licen(se) plate..
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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You keep the story-line interesting by jumping back and forth in time.
The Secret, a child raised secretively by well meaning 'others'...reminds me of the fairy tales. All the elements are there..So now I really want to see the mystery resolved!
Just saw a couple of items:
How though did one correspond with someone they didn't know?
*you don't need the word 'though' as the thought is concise and meaningful
without it.
*instead of the word 'they', use he/she, because you want to keep it singular
'...the letter was addressed to him(.)
'licen(se) plate..
Comment Written 20-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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La Rosa, that is my type of reply. You have highlighted errors and that is precisely what I need. I'm in the process of submitting to agents and the fewer mistakes the better my chances. So thank you. I mean this sincerely,
Bob
P.S. Maybe I should send you the entire manuscript. Just joking.
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Ha ha...glad you didn't mind...
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I really want to clear as many errors from the manuscript as I can. I want a saleable manuscript. Thank you
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Hope it happens for you, Mr. Bob..
:)
Comment from frogbook
Very intriguing and captures the reader's attention. I read the last one because I wanted to see it but I had no time to review as I was rushing. The fear of pursuit is well portrayed.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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Very intriguing and captures the reader's attention. I read the last one because I wanted to see it but I had no time to review as I was rushing. The fear of pursuit is well portrayed.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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Frogbook, your replies are always appreciated. Please don't be afraid to offer criticism or less than five stars because that is, I believe how we will become better writers. I don't see highlighting arrors as a negative.
Comment from BeasPeas
Your writing is clear and interesting. You set the scenes well with realistic detail. The chapter progresses in logical fashion. The reader is allowed into Jackson's thoughts and worries. The last two paragraphs are appealing. Many people would like to be able to disappear without a trace as long as it was on their own terms. Well done. Marilyn
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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Your writing is clear and interesting. You set the scenes well with realistic detail. The chapter progresses in logical fashion. The reader is allowed into Jackson's thoughts and worries. The last two paragraphs are appealing. Many people would like to be able to disappear without a trace as long as it was on their own terms. Well done. Marilyn
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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Thank you BeasPeas for reading and reviewing. But please, if you find errors mention them because I believe constructive criticism leads to a writer's improvement.
Marilyn, I'm trying to get published and make success there is just one tip away.
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Hi Bob. Good luck with your publishing. Yes, I always point out errors when I find them, but never ding points. Marilyn
Comment from royowen
I like the first person commentary, of someone who, through necessarily, was having self conversation, living by his own wits, but seemingly with enough money to more than survive, live relative luxury, but on the run, therefore live within modest means. I like the surrounding "conspiracy theory" Bob. To live "on the run" not knowing one's pursuers could be "hairy" well done Bob. Morgan Hunt. Like that, great complexity, good plot memory, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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I like the first person commentary, of someone who, through necessarily, was having self conversation, living by his own wits, but seemingly with enough money to more than survive, live relative luxury, but on the run, therefore live within modest means. I like the surrounding "conspiracy theory" Bob. To live "on the run" not knowing one's pursuers could be "hairy" well done Bob. Morgan Hunt. Like that, great complexity, good plot memory, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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Roy, just read your poem for Steve. Truly wonderful. After thinking about it, I short changed you one star. It definitely deserved a six.
Thanks for reading and reviewing this chapter
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Well done. Thanks Bob, you're a good bloke,
Comment from apky
Perhaps he should have migrated.
But there again, your story wouldn't have been told had he done that. It sounds very secret service like to do something like that.
But there are still legendary recluse people around the world.
Well done.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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Perhaps he should have migrated.
But there again, your story wouldn't have been told had he done that. It sounds very secret service like to do something like that.
But there are still legendary recluse people around the world.
Well done.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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Apky, thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your taking time to comment
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I hope he can get away but i'm sure you wouldn't have a story if he did. It sounds like something Hoover and the FBI would do. Hoover is long dead. There are many Kennedy's still alive. I don't think they would do something like stalk a person. I suppose you have an answer ready for us. Well done. Nancy
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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I hope he can get away but i'm sure you wouldn't have a story if he did. It sounds like something Hoover and the FBI would do. Hoover is long dead. There are many Kennedy's still alive. I don't think they would do something like stalk a person. I suppose you have an answer ready for us. Well done. Nancy
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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Thank you Nancy. I've read a deal about the Kennedy's and Hoover and history will show they were not always angels. That's not to say they didn't also do good. They were iteresting people in interesting times and it's not up to us to judge them. I appreciate your reviewing my work. Hope you enjoyed it
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
I would have gone to Italy or Switzerland. Both stunning countries. England is pretty in Summer but we don't even have much of that. This was a great and very interesting read. Oh what I could do with that money! You did a great job with this write very absorbing and impressive kindest regards Meia xx
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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I would have gone to Italy or Switzerland. Both stunning countries. England is pretty in Summer but we don't even have much of that. This was a great and very interesting read. Oh what I could do with that money! You did a great job with this write very absorbing and impressive kindest regards Meia xx
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
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Thank you Meia. Are you English. My wife's family came from Coventry. I love your country, there is history on every corner.
I really appreciate your reading and reviewing my writing. Hope you enjoyed it
