The Ghost of Baker Park
Story of a soldier's long, lost grave27 total reviews
Comment from Mark Valentine
This is a fantastic, classic sounding, ghost-story-in-a-poem. The story is eerie and well-told. I love the rhythm and thyme scheme of this one. Great use of alliteration ("weeping willows wails and sighs"), and a nice touch to bookend the poem with the two summarizing stanzas that have a different look and form from the rest.
Two minor observations. In the second stanza, you contract "over" as "o're" - I've always seen it written as "o'er" before (since the "e" comes before the "r" when the whole word is spelled out.).
Also in the third stanza, if you combined the second and third line, the poem would retain its quatrain form (though the way you have it doesn't detract from the sound at all).
Loved it - would make a great "Story in a Poem" entry.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
  |
This is a fantastic, classic sounding, ghost-story-in-a-poem. The story is eerie and well-told. I love the rhythm and thyme scheme of this one. Great use of alliteration ("weeping willows wails and sighs"), and a nice touch to bookend the poem with the two summarizing stanzas that have a different look and form from the rest.
Two minor observations. In the second stanza, you contract "over" as "o're" - I've always seen it written as "o'er" before (since the "e" comes before the "r" when the whole word is spelled out.).
Also in the third stanza, if you combined the second and third line, the poem would retain its quatrain form (though the way you have it doesn't detract from the sound at all).
Loved it - would make a great "Story in a Poem" entry.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
-
Hi, Mark! Thank you so much for the great feedback and very much appreciate your observations! I totally missed the contractual error (which I will most definitely correct) and the suggestion about the third stanza! I am so very happy that you loved my story, which I do have to say, is among one of my favorites to have written! Thank you again for a greatly appreciated review! Enjoy your day!
Comment from Kazzawin
Really enjoyed this grisly tale.
The rhyming is spot on and flows really well when telling the story out loud.
Sprinkled with alliteration and imagery...sent shivers down my spine!!
Well done on a great piece of poetry : )
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
 |
Really enjoyed this grisly tale.
The rhyming is spot on and flows really well when telling the story out loud.
Sprinkled with alliteration and imagery...sent shivers down my spine!!
Well done on a great piece of poetry : )
Comment Written 02-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2017
-
Thank you so much for a wonderful review and am so happy you enjoyed my story! Have a wonderful day!
Comment from kiwisteveh
Hi, Mimi. Welcome to FanStory. Hope you like it here.
I enjoyed your ghostly tale where the spectre of the old civil war soldier haunts his earthly home. Interesting form you have chosen for your poem with the bookend stanzas rhyme in conventional abcb while the longer middle portion has the recurring '-ation' rhyme to conclude each stanza.
In one stanza you have broken what should have been one line into two, so that verse appears to have an extra line. I would also query the choice of 'angst' towards the end - it just doesn't seem to fit the overall tone and 'angst imagination' definitely sounds strange to my ears.
However, that is more than made up for by verses such as this:
A ghostly apparition waved
A ghastly groan it grimly gave
As hovered o're the soldier's grave
In haunting desolation
Steve
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2017
|
Hi, Mimi. Welcome to FanStory. Hope you like it here.
I enjoyed your ghostly tale where the spectre of the old civil war soldier haunts his earthly home. Interesting form you have chosen for your poem with the bookend stanzas rhyme in conventional abcb while the longer middle portion has the recurring '-ation' rhyme to conclude each stanza.
In one stanza you have broken what should have been one line into two, so that verse appears to have an extra line. I would also query the choice of 'angst' towards the end - it just doesn't seem to fit the overall tone and 'angst imagination' definitely sounds strange to my ears.
However, that is more than made up for by verses such as this:
A ghostly apparition waved
A ghastly groan it grimly gave
As hovered o're the soldier's grave
In haunting desolation
Steve
Comment Written 22-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2017
-
Thanks so much for your thorough review and insightful comments - they are greatly appreciated. I'm going to definitely review the utilization of "angst" in the one part... After reviewing its definition again, I can see what you mean. Thanks again for this great feedback and enjoy your day!
Comment from Lucian Carter
I like both the style and the story. Though rich, the language never detracted from my enjoyment. Interesting rhyme scheme, with no awkward rhymes. Why were the first and last stanzas formatted differently?
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2017
|
I like both the style and the story. Though rich, the language never detracted from my enjoyment. Interesting rhyme scheme, with no awkward rhymes. Why were the first and last stanzas formatted differently?
Comment Written 21-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2017
-
Thank you so much for a wonderful review - am so glad that you enjoyed it! As for the difference in the first and last stanzas, I wanted to actually have them stand out as more of a "prelude" and "synopsis" to the actual story. I was hoping that it came through as intended. I really had great fun in writing this one! Thank you again for your review!
Comment from patcelaw
This is well written and the rhyming is so good. I am not much for ghostly stories, but this poem works well. Blessings, Patricia
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2017
|
This is well written and the rhyming is so good. I am not much for ghostly stories, but this poem works well. Blessings, Patricia
Comment Written 21-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2017
-
Thanks so much for the welcomed feedback! I, too, have never been a "ghost story" type person, but have always enjoyed writing and reading poetry. Several years ago, I was asked to help with a special Halloween event to be held in our City's park. I was given a series of scenarios and asked to come up with some stories that could be told by the "guides" who were leading groups through the park that night. The stories I came up with happened to be in poem form - I tried to make them a little spooky, but most with a bit of irony and humor (not too, too scary)! I had a lot of fun doing these. Since I found this FanStory site (and have recently retired with more time on my hands), thought I would share to see what others may think. Too, since we approaching Halloween in the next few weeks, thought these particular pieces would be timely!
Thanks again for reviewing my work!
-
Just a heads up. If my reviews are short for the most part, it is because I am visually limited and it is quite trying for me to do much writing. Even my posts will usually be short as well. Patricia
Comment from Kerry Foley Robinson
Oooo, I always love ghost stories. This is well written, my friend. It has great rhyme and flow to it, with an eerie dark shadow. lol ~Kerry
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
|
Oooo, I always love ghost stories. This is well written, my friend. It has great rhyme and flow to it, with an eerie dark shadow. lol ~Kerry
Comment Written 20-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
-
Thank you so, so much! It was much fun to write and I'm so happy that it's been well received. Thank you again for the great review!
Comment from Irish Rain
You just took my last 6 for the week. Couldn't let this gem go unacknowledged!! I loved the story, but I adored the rhyme and flow...which made the story one to be read again, and again. Perfect!! Blessings....
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
|
You just took my last 6 for the week. Couldn't let this gem go unacknowledged!! I loved the story, but I adored the rhyme and flow...which made the story one to be read again, and again. Perfect!! Blessings....
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
-
Thank you again for your lovely comments in review! So glad you enjoyed the story - it is one that I truly enjoyed writing! Thanks again for your wonderful feedback!
-
You are most welcome!!!
Comment from robyn corum
Mimi,
Another cool story, with a great poetry format and delivery. I enjoyed this sweet story in a poem very much. Glad to see you've garnered a few more reviews for this one. Welcome to Fanstory! Good luck!
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
|
Mimi,
Another cool story, with a great poetry format and delivery. I enjoyed this sweet story in a poem very much. Glad to see you've garnered a few more reviews for this one. Welcome to Fanstory! Good luck!
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2017
-
Thank you so much! I've recently retired and writing poetry is one of the things I've always enjoyed, but never really had time to pursue. Recently, I found this website and thought it was a great one to use to see what others thought of my writings (and enter some contests, too)! Thanks again for a great review and encouragement!
Comment from JennaG
Really well done! This piece has such a wonderful mix of spookiness, romance, and tragedy. It's skillfully written with clever rhymes and smooth rhythm. It easily held my attention from beginning to end because of the fascinating story told. This has put me in the mood for all the fun Halloween poems to come. Great job with this poem! :)
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2017
|
Really well done! This piece has such a wonderful mix of spookiness, romance, and tragedy. It's skillfully written with clever rhymes and smooth rhythm. It easily held my attention from beginning to end because of the fascinating story told. This has put me in the mood for all the fun Halloween poems to come. Great job with this poem! :)
Comment Written 18-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2017
-
So glad you enjoyed and thank you so much for a lovely review! This is one of a series of Halloween poems I had written several years ago for a special event and is one of my favorites! Thank you again!
Comment from For better for verse
Thoroughly enjoyed your poem.
Thought it was a great piece of creative writing that really created that ' spooky feeling'.
Well done.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2017
|
Thoroughly enjoyed your poem.
Thought it was a great piece of creative writing that really created that ' spooky feeling'.
Well done.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2017
-
So glad you enjoyed the spookiness of the piece! It was quite fun to write... Thank you so much for a wonderful review!
