Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "Chapter Vierzehn part eins"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
28 total reviews
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
That chocolate milk looks so good! You have made no errors that I can see but your writing, as ever, is very absorbing and fantastic. You are a great writer and yet I always get the sense you don't think so. Maybe it is just me. You should know because you are awesome! I know what you mean about looking for errors. You think you have picked them all out and everything you look at it you see another...the way of life and writing I suppose...another reason that I write more poems than prose! A fabulous write as ever Mrs.W :) Love and best wishes Meia x
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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That chocolate milk looks so good! You have made no errors that I can see but your writing, as ever, is very absorbing and fantastic. You are a great writer and yet I always get the sense you don't think so. Maybe it is just me. You should know because you are awesome! I know what you mean about looking for errors. You think you have picked them all out and everything you look at it you see another...the way of life and writing I suppose...another reason that I write more poems than prose! A fabulous write as ever Mrs.W :) Love and best wishes Meia x
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from bob cullen
Barbara, I don't think there are any better writers on Fanstory than you.
Everything about your writing is professional. Your dialogue is faultless
and your characters easy to picture.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Barbara, I don't think there are any better writers on Fanstory than you.
Everything about your writing is professional. Your dialogue is faultless
and your characters easy to picture.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Thank you for the encouragement. I do appreciate it. It doesn't seem FS agrees with you.
Comment from LaRosa
The whole bkfst table conversation is realistic, including the five-year old's wisdom that had to be addressed. :)
The only SPAG I found was probably just a typo:
'My family didn't sell it(.)'
I know what you mean about reading your own work a dozen times...then someone comes along and STILL finds something new! Oh, well. I enjoy your story.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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The whole bkfst table conversation is realistic, including the five-year old's wisdom that had to be addressed. :)
The only SPAG I found was probably just a typo:
'My family didn't sell it(.)'
I know what you mean about reading your own work a dozen times...then someone comes along and STILL finds something new! Oh, well. I enjoy your story.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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I made the correction. Thank you for the catch.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Barb
I like how you are taking time, but an excellent way of keeping your story a mystery and to me of unexpected events still yet to happens make me I want to read more.
Gert
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Hello Barb
I like how you are taking time, but an excellent way of keeping your story a mystery and to me of unexpected events still yet to happens make me I want to read more.
Gert
Comment Written 18-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Thank you for understanding. I appreciate it.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
The intrigue concerning Shana attempting to get the painting continues. I'm looking forward to reading more, Barbara -
My family didn't sell it[?](.) This is said as a statement, not a question, thus a period.
Philip and Anderson dropped Jeff at his house[,] and then went home - no comma needed
Margaret
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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The intrigue concerning Shana attempting to get the painting continues. I'm looking forward to reading more, Barbara -
My family didn't sell it[?](.) This is said as a statement, not a question, thus a period.
Philip and Anderson dropped Jeff at his house[,] and then went home - no comma needed
Margaret
Comment Written 18-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Thank you for the catches. I appreciate the help.
Comment from pbomar1115
This is my second read on this story. I am warming up to how the family's painting will be recovered. I also think hiring a specialist would be better than a divorce lawyer. I love the writing as well.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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This is my second read on this story. I am warming up to how the family's painting will be recovered. I also think hiring a specialist would be better than a divorce lawyer. I love the writing as well.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Thank you for sticking with me. I appreciate it.
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I love forward to reading more.
Phillip
Comment from rtobaygo
Good morning, Barbara
Excellent continuation. The cloak and dagger intrigue regarding Shana's attempt to secure the painting continues. Looking forward to the moment she has the painting in her possession. Enjoyed.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Good morning, Barbara
Excellent continuation. The cloak and dagger intrigue regarding Shana's attempt to secure the painting continues. Looking forward to the moment she has the painting in her possession. Enjoyed.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 18-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from giraffmang
Another good instalment.
But how could he have purchased it? My family didn't sell it?" - the second one here feels more of a statement than a question.
"I'm sorry. I struggled getting to sleep." - maybe look at rewording this a little as this is very similar to what she said to end the last section. Perhaps something like 'I'd a restless night/been up all night/sleepless night.'
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Another good instalment.
But how could he have purchased it? My family didn't sell it?" - the second one here feels more of a statement than a question.
"I'm sorry. I struggled getting to sleep." - maybe look at rewording this a little as this is very similar to what she said to end the last section. Perhaps something like 'I'd a restless night/been up all night/sleepless night.'
Comment Written 18-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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I made some corrections in both area. I hope I got them right.
Comment from rama devi
Good job. Excellent narrative details and true-to-life, true-to-character dialog. excellent pacing. Excellent tone.
Good proofing, too.
Just two comma nits relating to independent clauses after conjunctions:
*Philip and Anderson dropped Jeff at his house,(NO COMMA) and then went home.
* Emily pouted,(NO COMMA) as he continued,
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Good job. Excellent narrative details and true-to-life, true-to-character dialog. excellent pacing. Excellent tone.
Good proofing, too.
Just two comma nits relating to independent clauses after conjunctions:
*Philip and Anderson dropped Jeff at his house,(NO COMMA) and then went home.
* Emily pouted,(NO COMMA) as he continued,
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 18-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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I'm trying with my commas, really, I am. I do appreciate all the help. That's why I'm on the site.
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:-)))
Comment from Sis Cat
What impresses me about this chapter, Barbara, is that you juggle and move all of the various parts of your story forward--the theft of the painting, the budding relationship between Anderson and Shana, and Emily serving as a de facto daughter of the two. Juggling all of these parts in a way that entertains and moves the story forward is an amazing feat.
Since I am reading parts of chapters in small installments, I do not know how your book will work as a whole in either plot or pacing. Charles Dickens was a masterful plotter for his serialized novels which appeared as chapters in magazines first. He boasted that he would not begin writing until he has worked out the plot. I do not know where you are at in plotting and pacing, but getting a large view of your novel may be beneficial.
Thank you once again for sharing your talent.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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What impresses me about this chapter, Barbara, is that you juggle and move all of the various parts of your story forward--the theft of the painting, the budding relationship between Anderson and Shana, and Emily serving as a de facto daughter of the two. Juggling all of these parts in a way that entertains and moves the story forward is an amazing feat.
Since I am reading parts of chapters in small installments, I do not know how your book will work as a whole in either plot or pacing. Charles Dickens was a masterful plotter for his serialized novels which appeared as chapters in magazines first. He boasted that he would not begin writing until he has worked out the plot. I do not know where you are at in plotting and pacing, but getting a large view of your novel may be beneficial.
Thank you once again for sharing your talent.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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There won't be an answer to your suggestion until the book is complete and I send it to my editors. I use more than one because one doesn't seem to catch it all. They each seem to catch different areas. LOL. I do try to present the best possible novel, I can. I do believe that in real life there are many things to consider so I feel my characters need to be real.
