Disheartening Discovery
A secret letter and photograph discovered6 total reviews
Comment from zanya
A touching tale of youthful love that never quite faded -adults too have their secret love compartments !! Nicely handled here with tact and decorum - and the reader is rightfully left pondering !
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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A touching tale of youthful love that never quite faded -adults too have their secret love compartments !! Nicely handled here with tact and decorum - and the reader is rightfully left pondering !
Comment Written 23-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2017
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Thanks for the read and the comments.
Comment from E.A.Pulliam
The story is well written and has a good pace pulling you forward. I like the details of the light in the cobwebs and holding up the wedding gown. But...
It's a little trite, even given the limiting nature of the prompt.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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The story is well written and has a good pace pulling you forward. I like the details of the light in the cobwebs and holding up the wedding gown. But...
It's a little trite, even given the limiting nature of the prompt.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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Thanks for the read.
Comment from giraffmang
hi there,
Nice story and a good interpretation for the prompt. Good tone and excellent pacing.
How about scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast? - need closing speech marks here.
"That's sounds good." - That.
A musty smell rolls over me, as I step - comma isn't necessary here.
and National Geographic magazines - nice touch, I think we all have some of these! lol
high school year book, a shoe box - and a shoe box?
I check the postmark and it is less than two months old. - would she not have noticed the disturbance of her room/bed if the mother had been up there recently?
My heart shutters.- not sure what this is supposed to signify.
"How are you doing?" She says - she says.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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hi there,
Nice story and a good interpretation for the prompt. Good tone and excellent pacing.
How about scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast? - need closing speech marks here.
"That's sounds good." - That.
A musty smell rolls over me, as I step - comma isn't necessary here.
and National Geographic magazines - nice touch, I think we all have some of these! lol
high school year book, a shoe box - and a shoe box?
I check the postmark and it is less than two months old. - would she not have noticed the disturbance of her room/bed if the mother had been up there recently?
My heart shutters.- not sure what this is supposed to signify.
"How are you doing?" She says - she says.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 17-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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Thanks for the read and the helpful feedback. Much appreciated.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Finding something like this letter that could so easily destroy the entire family would be a very difficult situation to be in.
The question becomes, what do you do, or don't do, about it?
Would you honor her request to not tell or would you go running downstairs blabbing the news to everyone you see?
Should make an interesting entry into this contest.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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Finding something like this letter that could so easily destroy the entire family would be a very difficult situation to be in.
The question becomes, what do you do, or don't do, about it?
Would you honor her request to not tell or would you go running downstairs blabbing the news to everyone you see?
Should make an interesting entry into this contest.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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Thank you for your read and your comments. Appreciated.
Comment from Mustang Patty
A good entry for the contest and prompt. I enjoyed the premise and you did a good job of setting the story and giving us the background as she went through the trunk. I imagine her surprise at finding the letter.
Your writing is good, but you need to work on your sentence structure and use of punctuation. For example, in this sentence, '... "when you told Dad and me you and Molly were spending the weekend at the Abby spa?". There needs to be a comma between 'me' and 'you.' Otherwise, the sentence doesn't make sense. There were many other sentences like this. You can find articles on the proper use of the comma on the internet.
A nit: 'It was an old photograph of my mother hugging a man that I didn't (hadn't)recognized at first.'
As you can see by the above, you also changed tense within the story. Did you mean to have it in past or present tense? You need to be consistent throughout the piece,
~patty~
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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A good entry for the contest and prompt. I enjoyed the premise and you did a good job of setting the story and giving us the background as she went through the trunk. I imagine her surprise at finding the letter.
Your writing is good, but you need to work on your sentence structure and use of punctuation. For example, in this sentence, '... "when you told Dad and me you and Molly were spending the weekend at the Abby spa?". There needs to be a comma between 'me' and 'you.' Otherwise, the sentence doesn't make sense. There were many other sentences like this. You can find articles on the proper use of the comma on the internet.
A nit: 'It was an old photograph of my mother hugging a man that I didn't (hadn't)recognized at first.'
As you can see by the above, you also changed tense within the story. Did you mean to have it in past or present tense? You need to be consistent throughout the piece,
~patty~
Comment Written 17-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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Thanks for the feed back. I will try to make corrections.
Comment from apky
If I go with the writing prompt, then you certainly followed it to the letter apart from doing the actual cleaning out of your attic. You unwittingly stumbled across that old photo of Jack, a person unkown to you, hugging your mom. And when you asked her about it she became very upset and ran away to lie on your bed crying.
The writing was good, the story mildly intriguing.
"Where(Were) you with this guy," I said
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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If I go with the writing prompt, then you certainly followed it to the letter apart from doing the actual cleaning out of your attic. You unwittingly stumbled across that old photo of Jack, a person unkown to you, hugging your mom. And when you asked her about it she became very upset and ran away to lie on your bed crying.
The writing was good, the story mildly intriguing.
"Where(Were) you with this guy," I said
Comment Written 17-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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Hey thanks for the read and the catch. I will edit.
