Emancipation Day
I licked my lips and you, like Texas barbecue.46 total reviews
Comment from valmay
Great song lyrics, with a message. There are many freedoms, and we are never free if we are binding others in chains of lies and deception.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
  |
Great song lyrics, with a message. There are many freedoms, and we are never free if we are binding others in chains of lies and deception.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
-
Yes, Valmay, we are never free when we bind others in chains of lies and deception. Thank you for giving my lyrics their first six star review.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A great tribute with a personal slant, loving the language used and the great rhyming scheme which made the words bounce along in a positive way, good luck with the contest, this is a fabulous entry, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
 |
A great tribute with a personal slant, loving the language used and the great rhyming scheme which made the words bounce along in a positive way, good luck with the contest, this is a fabulous entry, love Dolly x
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
-
Yes, Dolly, the personal slant made the song. My family comes from East Texas where they celebrated Emancipation Day. While I have never attended the festivities there, I long for home. Thank you for your generous review and wishing me luck in the contest.
Comment from rama devi
Wow--this is unique and definitely sounds like a song lyric. Excellent entry for the contest---great groovy beat and fine rhymes plus phonetic devices. Some rhymes are fantastic (noted below)
NOTES
Very erotic and well voiced:
Strawberry soda pop.
Orgasms that won't stop.
I licked my lips and you,
like Texas barbecue.
great rhyme and phrasing here:
'Though scarred from barbed fences,
I've come to my senses.
*Witty rhymes here (note on suggestion):
I became re(-)enslaved
when willy misbehaved,
like a Gulf hurricane
tougher than any chain.
Expressive and original:
I chewed through my ankle
to limp away from you.
Good luck.
Entertaining write.
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
|
Wow--this is unique and definitely sounds like a song lyric. Excellent entry for the contest---great groovy beat and fine rhymes plus phonetic devices. Some rhymes are fantastic (noted below)
NOTES
Very erotic and well voiced:
Strawberry soda pop.
Orgasms that won't stop.
I licked my lips and you,
like Texas barbecue.
great rhyme and phrasing here:
'Though scarred from barbed fences,
I've come to my senses.
*Witty rhymes here (note on suggestion):
I became re(-)enslaved
when willy misbehaved,
like a Gulf hurricane
tougher than any chain.
Expressive and original:
I chewed through my ankle
to limp away from you.
Good luck.
Entertaining write.
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
-
Oh, thank you, Rama, for your review and your correction. Thanks also for noting the verses that moved you. I spent over a month writing it until finally I enrolled in a songwriting class last Tuesday which gave me an assignment to write a love song. I focused and finished my song on the thirty-second day. Thanks also for wishing me luck in the contest.
-
Congrats on joining the class. Good job! :-)))
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem/song lyrics. We do things in our youth that are not always the best example set for others. But we have to come clean one day and admit the things we're done and are not so proud of.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
|
A very well-written poem/song lyrics. We do things in our youth that are not always the best example set for others. But we have to come clean one day and admit the things we're done and are not so proud of.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
-
Yes, Sandra, we do things in our youth, middle age, and advanced age that are not always the best examples set for others, but we have to come clean someday. Thank you for your considerate review.
Comment from smileycloud
good song choice
certainly love songs are always about lost or found or cheating love
it should do very well indeed in the contest
the metaphoric value of Emancipation Day to describe firstly marriage and then secondly the affair
LOL
your character felt "fit to be tied up" in all his situations.
good imagery of your characters
Maybe he will settle into his own kind of freedom in the next song
have a smiley day
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
|
good song choice
certainly love songs are always about lost or found or cheating love
it should do very well indeed in the contest
the metaphoric value of Emancipation Day to describe firstly marriage and then secondly the affair
LOL
your character felt "fit to be tied up" in all his situations.
good imagery of your characters
Maybe he will settle into his own kind of freedom in the next song
have a smiley day
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
-
Oh, thank you, Smiley, for your generous review. I do not know if this chap will settle in my next song. Thanks for noting the metaphoric value of Emancipation Day.
Comment from tfawcus
It's always interesting to hear about celebrations in other countries and the reasons for them. This song swings along at a lively pace, very much in line with the idea of partying on. It seems that the singer is somewhat regretting a time when his brains were in his balls! You've got some great lines in this, especially in the repeats. It seems that you have something in common with Australians - a love of barbecues. Could be that we share other weaknesses, too.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
|
It's always interesting to hear about celebrations in other countries and the reasons for them. This song swings along at a lively pace, very much in line with the idea of partying on. It seems that the singer is somewhat regretting a time when his brains were in his balls! You've got some great lines in this, especially in the repeats. It seems that you have something in common with Australians - a love of barbecues. Could be that we share other weaknesses, too.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
-
Yes, tfawcus, I love barbecues, too! Thank you for your review and for noting my great lines. I much appreciate this.
