Hidden
The strongest, most put together are often weak and hurting9 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
We sort of wear a public face and what is going on behind the fake smiles is sometimes grief-filled and heartbreaking, I could identify with your words Teresa, love Dolly x
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We sort of wear a public face and what is going on behind the fake smiles is sometimes grief-filled and heartbreaking, I could identify with your words Teresa, love Dolly x
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
Comment from Irish Rain
I know this feeling too well. I've looked in the mirror before, searching for who I might have been, wondering who this was, looking back at me. And where the hell did all those wrinkles come from? Ha ha....loved this....blessings....
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I know this feeling too well. I've looked in the mirror before, searching for who I might have been, wondering who this was, looking back at me. And where the hell did all those wrinkles come from? Ha ha....loved this....blessings....
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
Comment from butterfly4265
We all have our public faces and behavior that hide what we truly feel and can show only when we let down our guard in private. I like the line "pain and skill woven masterfully" which conveys the image of how we weave the private and public together for show. Nicely done, and thank you for sharing.
If I may, just one teeny typo - "red soled heels".
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We all have our public faces and behavior that hide what we truly feel and can show only when we let down our guard in private. I like the line "pain and skill woven masterfully" which conveys the image of how we weave the private and public together for show. Nicely done, and thank you for sharing.
If I may, just one teeny typo - "red soled heels".
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem. We all have something to hide away from others to protect us from judgment and sometimes embarrassment. We just need to be ourselves.
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A very well-written poem. We all have something to hide away from others to protect us from judgment and sometimes embarrassment. We just need to be ourselves.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
Comment from rama devi
Hiding behind a pallet of minerals
Creative voicing for makeup! Bravo.
Clad in Armani armor and red soled heals
Outstanding metaphor! Imaginative1
Good portrait:
Shoulders squared to take on the world
Greeting all with shuttered eyes
Penetrating x-ray stanza:
Pain and skill woven masterfully
Gray eyes reflect the ache in her soul
Silent tears she keeps privately
Whispered pleas prayed in the dark
*
A glimpse of a stranger she sees
- reverse syntax sounds forced and weakens this line
Good line:
Overcoming loss grips at her core
*
Lost is the woman she was meant to be
- reverse syntax sounds forced and weakens this line
Of course, some may find it poetic. To me, it could have fine tuning to refine the voicing.
My only other critique pertains to flow. Using all caps and no end-line punctuation is a fine style choice but it does not serve the poem well because the reader does not know when lines are using enjambment or not. That gives it s jolt-like flow on first read.
Also, I think the first stanza would read better if you make it one sentence by changing the gerund in line four to an active verb.
Suggestions to sculpt [p with caps and punctuation (optional):
Hiding behind a pallet of minerals,
clad in Armani armor and red soled heals,
shoulders squared to take on the world,
she greets all with shuttered eyes.
Pain and skill woven masterfully,
gray eyes reflect the ache in her soul.
Silent tears, she keeps privately--
whispered pleas prayed in the dark.
Looking in the mirror for strength,
a glimpse of a stranger she sees.
Overcoming loss grips at her core.
Lost is the woman she was meant to be.
This captures the intensity of emotional hidden behind such figures (pun intended).
Penetrating!
Bravo
Warmly, rd
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Hiding behind a pallet of minerals
Creative voicing for makeup! Bravo.
Clad in Armani armor and red soled heals
Outstanding metaphor! Imaginative1
Good portrait:
Shoulders squared to take on the world
Greeting all with shuttered eyes
Penetrating x-ray stanza:
Pain and skill woven masterfully
Gray eyes reflect the ache in her soul
Silent tears she keeps privately
Whispered pleas prayed in the dark
*
A glimpse of a stranger she sees
- reverse syntax sounds forced and weakens this line
Good line:
Overcoming loss grips at her core
*
Lost is the woman she was meant to be
- reverse syntax sounds forced and weakens this line
Of course, some may find it poetic. To me, it could have fine tuning to refine the voicing.
My only other critique pertains to flow. Using all caps and no end-line punctuation is a fine style choice but it does not serve the poem well because the reader does not know when lines are using enjambment or not. That gives it s jolt-like flow on first read.
Also, I think the first stanza would read better if you make it one sentence by changing the gerund in line four to an active verb.
Suggestions to sculpt [p with caps and punctuation (optional):
Hiding behind a pallet of minerals,
clad in Armani armor and red soled heals,
shoulders squared to take on the world,
she greets all with shuttered eyes.
Pain and skill woven masterfully,
gray eyes reflect the ache in her soul.
Silent tears, she keeps privately--
whispered pleas prayed in the dark.
Looking in the mirror for strength,
a glimpse of a stranger she sees.
Overcoming loss grips at her core.
Lost is the woman she was meant to be.
This captures the intensity of emotional hidden behind such figures (pun intended).
Penetrating!
Bravo
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 15-Sep-2017
Comment from Octavia
I liked this expressive write, Teresa. "Armani and red soled shoes" - perfect image of the well dressed, well put together woman. Who knew what lurked beneath? I know women like this and you nailed it.
Though not rhymed it had good flow when I read it aloud.
Well done!
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I liked this expressive write, Teresa. "Armani and red soled shoes" - perfect image of the well dressed, well put together woman. Who knew what lurked beneath? I know women like this and you nailed it.
Though not rhymed it had good flow when I read it aloud.
Well done!
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Oh yes my friend on the outside somebody may look strong and able to cope but inside they are crumbing they just hide it well, done again regards Jill
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Oh yes my friend on the outside somebody may look strong and able to cope but inside they are crumbing they just hide it well, done again regards Jill
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Jill,
Thank you so much, your feedback over the years is always such a pleasure
Comment from frierajac
This is all very well put. I would like to say if you wish to continue the rhyme scheme
(please take with a grain of salt) You could have an enjambment on the last line of the first stanza and say greeting all with shuttered eyes, shoulder/
(next stanza) pain. You could have ache with dark and there are other choices, such as her core's extent of length, with strength. I don't know how you feel about rhyme. It must be quite a good poem to get a reader involved.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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This is all very well put. I would like to say if you wish to continue the rhyme scheme
(please take with a grain of salt) You could have an enjambment on the last line of the first stanza and say greeting all with shuttered eyes, shoulder/
(next stanza) pain. You could have ache with dark and there are other choices, such as her core's extent of length, with strength. I don't know how you feel about rhyme. It must be quite a good poem to get a reader involved.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Thank you so much, I always appreciate constructive and thought provoking feedback
Smiles,
Teresa
Comment from Nottoway
A well written poem which addresses what are the unknown struggles that so many face.
Sadly, the hidden abuses, verbal and physical, do so much to destroy the spirit of so many women.
I applaud the courage so many women gather as they fight to survive and recover their lives from these cowardly abuses.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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A well written poem which addresses what are the unknown struggles that so many face.
Sadly, the hidden abuses, verbal and physical, do so much to destroy the spirit of so many women.
I applaud the courage so many women gather as they fight to survive and recover their lives from these cowardly abuses.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Thank you so much for your kind feedback
