A Fatal Sting
100 Word Flash Fiction39 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
A very good story of mutual dissatisfaction. She got him and, if I'm reading this correctly, he got her too. How much more rewarding to have just filed for divorce, but then we wouldn't have your terrific entry into the contest. Marilyn
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
  |
A very good story of mutual dissatisfaction. She got him and, if I'm reading this correctly, he got her too. How much more rewarding to have just filed for divorce, but then we wouldn't have your terrific entry into the contest. Marilyn
Comment Written 24-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
-
Entertaining comments! Yes, divorce would have been so much easier, but tends to be a rather long drawn out process to encapsulate in 100 words! The process of turning "I do" into "I don't"!
-
A great read, Tony.
Comment from Spitfire
Good entry. A friend of mine lost his nine year old son to a bee sting. His throat closed up as he ran from the back yard into his house. Nothing could be done.
I love the twist on this-- she being a sadist of sorts. No white lily for her, just a watery grave.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
|
Good entry. A friend of mine lost his nine year old son to a bee sting. His throat closed up as he ran from the back yard into his house. Nothing could be done.
I love the twist on this-- she being a sadist of sorts. No white lily for her, just a watery grave.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
-
Thanks, Shari, for your review. Sorry to hear about your friend. Tragic to lose a youngster like that. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from rjuselius
this is an intriguing piece of prose dear tony! i like how you build up the suspense and kill the characters in the end. very well written with a vivid storyline.
thank you for sharing!
good luck!
blessings and a big squeeze!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
|
this is an intriguing piece of prose dear tony! i like how you build up the suspense and kill the characters in the end. very well written with a vivid storyline.
thank you for sharing!
good luck!
blessings and a big squeeze!
rebekka x
Comment Written 17-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
-
As always, many thanks both for the review and the blessings and big squeeze! Glad you enjoyed this bloodthirsty little number! Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Marvin Calloway
You say so much with so few words. Just the facts. Like the old "Dragnet" show.
This is a sadists delight.
It takes a keen mind to chisel a story down to its essence.
Marv
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
|
You say so much with so few words. Just the facts. Like the old "Dragnet" show.
This is a sadists delight.
It takes a keen mind to chisel a story down to its essence.
Marv
Comment Written 16-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
-
Thanks very much, Marv. Kind words and much appreciated. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from F. Wehr3
Very nice work, Tony! I enjoyed this flash piece and thought you did a good job in so few words. What precisely did she die of? A bee sting or was the flower toxic to her?
Good luck in the contest,
Russell
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
|
Very nice work, Tony! I enjoyed this flash piece and thought you did a good job in so few words. What precisely did she die of? A bee sting or was the flower toxic to her?
Good luck in the contest,
Russell
Comment Written 16-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
-
Thanks for your review, Russell. In the same way that the bee lost its life by stinging, so did she. I deliberately left the specific cause open, though there has been one suggestion that the answer may have lain in the honey pot. All the best, Tony
Comment from catch22
Hi T, what a cool little piece of flash, although I do wonder whether you could have trimmed some of the descriptive wordiness in the second paragraph, and let the character's action carry more of the plot. For instance, you use a lot of adverbs and overly descriptive language throughout. The first sentence uses passive voice to open the piece. I think flash needs to be more active to move the plot quickly. Just a thought.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
|
Hi T, what a cool little piece of flash, although I do wonder whether you could have trimmed some of the descriptive wordiness in the second paragraph, and let the character's action carry more of the plot. For instance, you use a lot of adverbs and overly descriptive language throughout. The first sentence uses passive voice to open the piece. I think flash needs to be more active to move the plot quickly. Just a thought.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
-
I very much appreciate this helpful review. I seldom move across the line from poetry to prose and appreciate your thoughts on this piece. I shall go back to it and play around a bit. I haven't been particularly happy with it on re-reading and you have put your finger on possibilities for improvement. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Hitcher
Nice! You managed to plot, execute and kill off both parties in your well written 100 word flash fiction story friend... impressive indeed! Great visuals, good luck!!
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
|
Nice! You managed to plot, execute and kill off both parties in your well written 100 word flash fiction story friend... impressive indeed! Great visuals, good luck!!
Comment Written 16-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
-
Darn. No characters left! No sequel! No commercial viability!
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Two deaths in just 100 words. Well told Tony as she watches the bee in its final throes and then lurches forward herself. Great finish, really enjoyed this little
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
|
Two deaths in just 100 words. Well told Tony as she watches the bee in its final throes and then lurches forward herself. Great finish, really enjoyed this little
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 16-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
-
Thanks, Valda. The problem with killing off all one's characters is that it leaves no possibility for a sequel! LOL All the best, Tony
Comment from Asem.inspirations
Good morning Fawcus:
This is an excellent Flash Fiction entry. You have given a complete story in only 100 words and this short story gives a clear idea of what is happening. I recently found out that when a bee stings they lose the stinger and they die. What a shock! This is a wonderfully written story. NICE...
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
|
Good morning Fawcus:
This is an excellent Flash Fiction entry. You have given a complete story in only 100 words and this short story gives a clear idea of what is happening. I recently found out that when a bee stings they lose the stinger and they die. What a shock! This is a wonderfully written story. NICE...
Comment Written 16-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
-
Thanks for your review, Tier. I appreciate your kind words. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Sis Cat
Wow, what a dramatic 100 word flash fiction. I thought of Ann Patchett's novel Commonwealth which features the bee sting death of a son, but in your story you use it as a means of murder of a husband by his wife. Unbeknownst to her until it was too late, he had poisoned the honey pot:
The cramp was sudden.
She clutched her silken dress to her stomach as she lurched forward into the pool.
This is a tight, well crafted double murder flash fiction. It shows brilliant imagination and economy of words.
Thank you for sharing. I wish you contest success.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
|
Wow, what a dramatic 100 word flash fiction. I thought of Ann Patchett's novel Commonwealth which features the bee sting death of a son, but in your story you use it as a means of murder of a husband by his wife. Unbeknownst to her until it was too late, he had poisoned the honey pot:
The cramp was sudden.
She clutched her silken dress to her stomach as she lurched forward into the pool.
This is a tight, well crafted double murder flash fiction. It shows brilliant imagination and economy of words.
Thank you for sharing. I wish you contest success.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
-
I'm not familiar with Ann Patchett's novel, Commonwealth, but have made a note of it. It sounds as though it might make interesting reading. Thank you for your review, your very kind words and your good luck wishes. All the best, Tony
